The Final Programme

2008-12-31T20:45:00.001Z

It is New Year's Eve. For the want of anything else to do, except to watch "Event Horizon" for the upteenth time, I think it is time to list my favourite 10 films of the year.

Here we go. In no particular order, they are...

And now, an announcement.

I think I have had enough. Of the blog, that is. I have been thinking about doing this for some time, and in the best tradition of the drama queen, the big gesture at the end of the year is the way to go about it.

It must be obvious to everybody (or maybe it isn't?) that lately I have been finding it a struggle to sit down every day to write something. It has become a chore and bore. I don't think that I want to do it anymore. (That nearly rhymes.) What I am going to do is to pull up the shutters and become a private person again.

Yes, I think that is what I want to do. For the moment, anyway.

So this is goodbye, at least as regards the blog. I have setup a forward on my email. If anybody wants to contact me, they can. I will still check other blogs. I am still interested in what everybody is up to.

Happy New Year, all.

And remember

"We all invent ourselves".

2008-12-30T22:53:00.004Z

Jennifer arrived, she hung around on Monday and then she departed today. She has headed back down South, to support her cousin in her cousin's time of need, navigating the nightmare of bureaucracy that gathers when somebody dies, especially over a holiday period when all of the people you really want to talk to are not at work. I don't suppose that Jennifer's Boss is very happy at her absence at this busy time of the year, but... Hey! Fuck him! Family comes first. Always.

So, the Festive season in residence-chez-Cornelius has been officially cancelled, until at least the second week in January. Jennifer is not due back until the 9th or the 10th. I am on my own for New Year, as I was for Christmas.

I know that there are good reasons for this. I know that Jennifer had to be somewhere else, but I feel that we have been cheated. After the quick London trip, and then the original pre-bereavement visit to her cousin, Jennifer was supposed to come back home. Then we were going to have our Christmas. But it was going to be more than just Christmas. It was going to be a time to build fences, to talk and to find out what has been going wrong.

Not to be. I am mightily pissed off about it and I feel like a right, royal shit for feeling pissed off. Somebody has died and other people's feelings need to come first.

2008-12-28T10:17:00.003Z

Yesterday I was at the bus stop at an outrageously early hour (I have not been sleeping very well), when I was engaged in conversation by an old lady wearing a funky purple hat. She talked, with great enthusiasm, about Jesus Christ, God, the meaning of Christmas and how the empty life of a person can be filled and enriched by that person accepting the love of the Lord.

I nodded. I was polite. I was not rude to this (apparently) nice old lady. If anything, I admired her conviction. Faith in something outside of yourself is a wonderful thing, but I do not have any faith. I do not believe in anything.

Actually, that is not true. I believe that everything happens for a reason, even if the reason is not immediately apparent. The rest of the time, the only thing that makes a difference is the will of a person to make a difference.

Too much time on my own, but Jennifer returns to Birmingham this afternoon. I am looking forward to seeing her.

2008-12-26T13:16:00.002Z

I found out why Jennifer needed to have her Boss' mobile phone number.

Jennifer has been spending Christmas with her cousin and her cousin's husband, Len. Len had been ill for some time. He had been in and out of hospital for months. Heart problems. On Christmas Eve his problems came to an end. He died.

Jennifer wanted her Boss' mobile phone number because she might have to take a couple of extra days holiday at short notice.

Len was a sound guy. He was a good man. A serious and a proud man. A different generation. He fought in World War 2 and was one of the soldiers that liberated the Nazi concentration camps. He told me the story of when he saw a British colonel handing a gun to one of the Jewish prisoners and telling him to kill one of the 'bastards'. The prisoner was too weak to lift the gun. The 'bastard' lived. Len told me that after seeing the camp that day, the incinerators and the piles of dead bodies, his faith in a kind and just God died and never returned.

RIP Len. I hope if there is a better place beyond this, you have gone there.

2008-12-25T08:59:00.003Z

I didn't catch up with my Brother. By the time "Transporter 3" (it was a piece of shit, but it had it's moments) had finished, and I got to The Square Peg at 20:10, my Brother was gone. I phoned him up. He had been drinking since midday and sounded like it. He had left the pub at 20:00.

I was a bit annoyed. I had told him that I was going to see a film first. Never mind. I won't hold it against him and I will not mention it. I will be going to my Mom's, in a couple of hours, so I will see him then.

So, instead of a night of debauchery I

Went home.
Read newspapers.
Watched the final episode of Mark Gattiss' fine series of ghost stories, "Crooked House".
Watched a carol concert.
Listened to some music.
Went to bed at 1am.

I was up this morning at 6am. I couldn't sleep. I had a bacon sandwich and a cup of tea and watched "Venus" starring Peter O'Toole and Jodie Whitaker. A brilliant, touching movie.

Jennifer just called. She wished me a Happy Christmas and asked if I had her Boss' mobile phone number.

Right...

Have a good Christmas Day, all.

2008-12-24T14:19:00.003Z

Is it me, or has Christmas become disgusting? Or is it just the people.

I have done some shopping. Most of the shops will only be closed for two days, but I have seen people acting like it is the the end of the world. Trolleys being pushed, loaded high with food. People racing around supermarkets, lists in hand, faces sweaty and panicky. Pushing, pulling, grabbing cranberry sauce, sausage rolls, pickled onions, bread, milk, volauvent's, ice cream, stuffing, chips, crisps, vegetables, booze, booze, booze and cigarettes. It's like "Mad Max 2" in the aisles.

I have not been immune. I have caviar in my fridge. Fucking caviar! When do we eat caviar? Never, except at Christmas. Over Christmas Jennifer sometimes likes to have for breakfast, toast spread with Philadelphia with smoked salmon and caviar on top. It's nice, really is, but it is expensive.

I have spent a stupid amount of money of food and presents. None of it matters. Can you remember what you had for Christmas last year? I cannot. Really, I cannot.

Maybe it is me. I am indifferent to Christmas this year. Too much has gone down. 2008 has been too shit. I am tired. I am fed up. I am all alone. (What's that noise? The world's smallest violin playing just for me.) There was a choice. I could have gone South with Jennifer to her folks, but... No.

No.

I miss Jennifer.

I have tried to cheer myself up. I tried to get a ticket for "It's A Wonderful Life" at The Electric, this evening, but it is sold out. I will still go out this evening. I will see something at the cinema. Afterwards, I might even take my Brother up on his offer to have a drink with him and his mates. He made the offer at the Ocean Colour Scene gig on Monday night. He makes these offers all of the time, never thinking I will take him up on them, but I might this evening.

Christmas, eh? A happy one to you. I mean it, as well.

2008-12-23T20:41:00.003Z

Long time, no speak.

We have been in London. We saw a musical and a play with music. (They are different things.) We had breakfast at a greasy spoon (which was fantastic) and in the evening ate at a Moroccan restaurant. Jennifer went insane with her credit card at Fortnum's and Mason's and several other fine shopping establishments.

I am now home. Jennifer is down South somewhere. She phoned me on Sunday night, but I have not heard from her since. It is the way it goes.

There you go. I have caught up. I do not feel like writing about any of it in any detail. It is becoming a patten, this 'not writing' thing. Too much of a chore. Too much like work. I hate feeling obligated to do something, or am I just a lazy sod?

Anyway...

Is it time for a Shuffleathon 2008 review? I think that it might be.

Mr. Astronaut did not name the CD, so I have named it myself.

"The J Album".

Why, you may ask, "The J Album"?

Ah... Well, there is a concept. The name of every single artist on the CD begins with the letter 'J'. I think that it is a great idea. It is a concept. I like concepts. I liked even more the idea of including short snatches of movie dialogue between some of the tracks. I wish I had thought of it first.

Bastard.

Let's begin.

"Don't Bring Me Down" by J Church.

I have never heard of this band, but the song is only too familiar. The song comes from E.L.O.'s album "Discovery", released in 1979, and was released as a single by E.L.O. the same year. I have always felt that Jeff Lynne is one of the most underrated of pop songwriters, even if I would never have admitted to liking his work during the height of the punk wars.

As for this version of "Don't Bring Me Down", it is a nice opening track, but it not my favourite track on the CD.

"Desdemona" by John's Children.

John's Children were one of the many moddy, poppy, druggy bands you could have seen for a quid at the Marquee at the tail end of 1966. I imagine that they would have been completely forgotten by pop historians by now if it wasn't for the fact that for a short period Marc Bolan, prior to his enduring fame with T-Rex, was part of the group. He wrote this song and it is clearly his distinctive warble on backing vocals.

I think this is a great track. I love it.

"My CD" by Jackie Chan.

The first bit of movie dialogue. Jackie Chan from... I think... "Rush Hour". (Now, that was a shit movie.)

"The Harder They Come" by Jimmy Cliff.

This is a classic. If you do not know this song, shame on you. Very evocative of being a kid in Birmingham in the late seventies. Radios in every classroom blaring out reggae or punk rock. Nothing else. Weirdly enough, only last weekend I was watching a clip of Jimmy Cliff on the Jools Holland's Later show performing "Many Rivers To Cross". Jimmy Cliff is an old man now, but he was still electrifying.

"I'm Sorry To Interrupt" by Joan Cusack.

Another movie clip. Joan Cusack from... "School Of Rock"? I didn't much like that film either. This fact surprises almost everyone that I meet.

"I've Been Everywhere" by Johnny Cash.

I went to see "Walk The Line" and enjoyed it very much. Before that movie I knew very little about Johnny Cash and I said so. I also mentioned casually, on the blog, that I did not own any of Johnny Cash's music and that I really should get my ass in gear and go out to buy some. The fine gent Swiss Toni saved me the bother. He sent me a disc full of Johnny Cash tracks.

I like this song just fine, but to me Johnny Cash's music was so much better when he was being grave and serious. He was never supposed to be happy. At least not on record.

"Stupid Children" by James Coburn.

Another movie clip. No idea where this comes from. Maybe "The Magnificent Seven"?

"Fat Children" by Jarvis Cocker.

I saw first saw Pulp in 1994 supporting Blur and again in 1995 on their own tour. I think that they went a bit off the boil after that. I haven't taken a lot of notice of Jarvis Cocker's 'comeback', but these days I think I enjoy him more as a personality rather than as a musician.

This is OK. Peculiarly dated when you consider that it would have been released this year/last year. A semi punk/new wave thrash. It starts. It ends. It's OK. I didn't turn it off.

"None Shall Escape The Judgement" by Johnny Clarke.

A reggae groove. Very nice. Faintly religious lyrics. I liked it a great deal.

"Day My Pad Went Mad" by John Cooper Clarke.

Until I heard this track I had no idea that John Cooper Clarke had recorded anything with a backing track. Then again, I know very little about John Cooper Clarke, full stop. I think I last heard him on the radio on John Peel's show, circa 1979.

I think that this is OK. Not really my cup of tea.

"All My Friends" by John Cale.

I think that this is an outstanding. A great old school new wave track. Relentless, churning guitar riff, clever lyrics. It builds and grows and accelerates over 7 minutes. Really very, very good. I really should investigate John Cale a little bit more. I don't think I know any of his work other than as the bass player in the Velvet Underground and producer of Squeeze's first album.

"Cut Class" by John Candy.

Movie clip. Absolutely no idea where this comes from. "The Great Outdoors"?

"Pirate Jenny" by Judy Collins.

I think this is from "The Threepenny Opera". If I am right that makes it a massive two songs I know from that musical (the other being "Mack The Knife").

Extremely peculiar song about pirates, black freighters, murder and revenge. Beautifully sung. Every single word is clearly enunciated. I like that in a song. Excellent track.

"These Ain't Raindrops" by James Carr.

I am assuming that this is the same James Carr who recorded the classic soul track "The Dark End Of The Street". This song is not a patch on that one, but it is good track, and the guy sings it with such passion. When the mood strikes me, I really like soul music.

"There's A Tiny Door" by John Cusack.

Clip from "Being John Malkovich". Good film. I wonder, if Spike Jonze had not been able to get John Malkovich's co-operation in that movie, and he still made the movie, who would he have gone with? Jack Nicholson? Clint Eastwood? Woody Allen? I don't think it would have mattered a jot who he chose. It still would have worked.

"Drag" by Justin Clayton.

This did not make any impression on me whatsoever. I listened to it a couple of times to make sure. Sorry. Sounds like a song Radiohead gave away because it sounded too much like "Freak".

"Magnolia" by J. J. Cale.

Quiet, gentle, laid back, undemanding... country music? I am terrible at putting labels on music. Not awe inspiring, but a nice song and performance.

"Safe Surfer" by Julian Cope.

I have seen Julian Cope live a couple of times. I do not think he ever performed this song any time I saw him. This song is not one of my favourites, but Cope is a great talent. What is he doing these days? I don't know. Last I heard he had just completed a lecture tour about standing stones. Nice one. He walks his own path, that man.

"What are you gonna do?" by James Caan.

What's this from? Maybe "The Godfather"? No. "Mickey Blue Eyes"? I don't know.

"People Who Died" by Jim Carroll Band.

I remember watching The Jim Carroll Band perform this song on "The Old Grey Whistle Test" years ago. These days I think that it skirts perilously close to punk parody, but it it still a great slice of New York, New Wave. Leonardo Di Caprio played Jim Carroll in the movie "The Basketball Diaries". I still think it is the best performance that Di Caprio has ever given, bar none.

"Call It Off" by Jim Carrey.

From "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind", methinks. If I am wrong, I am suitably ashamed. I really like Jim Carrey, even when he chooses to appear in terrible films, which "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind" certainly is not.

"Part 1 - Acknowledgement" by John Coltrane.

I am afraid that this track is wasted on me. I try very hard not to close my ears to anything, but I have never listened seriously to Jazz, nor ever purchased any Jazz. I cannot claim to understand it. Great drumming, though.

"Falling" by Julee Cruise.

The theme tune to "Twin Peaks", which was a TV series I adored, even when it became apparent that David Lynch was making the whole thing up as he went along.

I love this song. Shimmering and atmospheric. When I heard it I could just picture the waterfall during the opening credits of "Twin Peaks". Marvellous stuff. Once I nearly saw Julee Cruise live when she was touring as Cindy Wilson's replacement in The B52's. I didn't see her, because I didn't go. Shame.

"Thank You" by James Cagney.

Last movie clip. "Yankee Doodle Dandy"?

Phew! Done.

2008-12-17T21:53:00.000Z

Still here. I have just been very busy.

I have nearly finished the Shuffleathon review.

2008-12-12T21:34:00.004Z

Another day, another bit added to the Shuffleathon 2008 review. My problem is that I keep adding and taking bits out. I think the technical term is 'rewriting'.

It will not be a "Chinese Democracy". The review will be finished before the end of next week. Has to be finished, really. We are off to London on Friday.

There is work to be attended tomorrow morning, then shopping in the afternoon and then tomorrow evening I am out with an old blog buddy seeing James at the NIA.

Back on Sunday.

2008-12-11T22:03:00.002Z

A couple of words on the Puppini Sisters, who we saw last night at the Town Hall in Birmingham.

Imagine that the Andrews Sisters had been put into cryogenic suspension in 1944. Imagine that when they were thawed out in the 21st century they decided to carry on where they left off, but this time singing modern songs in their own inimitable style. In essence, that is what you would get if you went to see the Puppini Sisters perform live.

OK. Sure it would not be for everybody. Sure the whole thing is a gimmick. Sure it is the kind of thing that you would probably not want to see live more than a couple of times. But on a cold December evening, with yours truly getting over the flu, it was exactly what I wanted to see. Once the sound mix had been sorted after song 2 or 3 (what are soundchecks for?), I thought that the Puppini Sisters were kind of brilliant.

Fantastic voices. Camp beyond belief. Divas supreme. An excellent trio of male musiciains (upright bass, guitar and drums) backing them. A startling selection of cover versions (Blondie's "Heart Of Glass", Kate Bush's "Wuthering Heights", the Smiths' "Panic", Beyonce's "Crazy In Love", Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" and some swing standards ("Don't Sit Under The Appletree", "In The Mood", that bugle boy song whose title escapes me). It was wonderful. Really funny and entertaining. I throughly enjoyed myself. So did Jennifer. Or at least she said that she did.

And I have to say it. I am in love. The redhead in the Puppini Sisters (ah... sweet Stephanie...) was really kind of something, in the... er... flesh.

2008-12-09T22:17:00.003Z

Jennifer made me stay home because I was in no fit state to go to work. After sleeping in very late, I washed, had some Thai chicken soup and watched lots of stuff on the TV.

Neil Young live in concert, from a 1972 BBC session.
"The Mist" on Blu Ray.
Two episodes of "Underbelly".

I feel much better. I will go to work tomorrow. No choice, really. Tomorrow evening we are going to a gig (The Puppini Sisters), so if I really didn't go to work, it would be too much like skiving and I do not hold with skiving.

When I return on Thursday I will finally publish my thoughts on the Shuffleathon 2008 CD.

Later.

2008-12-08T20:37:00.000Z

Sniff, cough, gurgle. I feel like absolute shit...

I will return.

2008-12-07T20:46:00.003Z

Very tired. Nose running. Headache this morning. I could have done without going out to a family meal to celebrate Sister 3's birthday, but at least there I was able to sit Niece 2 (3 months, 3 weeks old, approximately) on my lap and make her laugh by doing duck noises. Highlight of my day. Really.

I have not forgotten the blog. I went to see the Fratellis and have a story of idiocy to tell. I have been listening to the Shuffleathon 2008 CD, which is a quite interesting set of songs. I have been writing some emails and doing other things. I have just not been writing about them.

By the way, "Iron Man" is magnificent on Blu Ray. Just thought that you should know that.

I am going to lie down.

2008-12-06T18:30:00.002Z

I have a cold. It is not flu, or man flu, or anything like that. But it is a pain in the ass. I dragged myself into work today, for the money. I was lucky enough to get a lift home. I fell asleep in front of the TV this afternoon. Jennifer says that I snore.

It has been a bit of a wasted day. Never mind.

Lots to do. Emails to reply to. It will all get done tomorrow. "The X-Factor" awaits. I have my priorities right.

2008-12-05T06:55:00.003Z

Last night did not quite happen the way I expected it to.

Jennifer was ill, so she did not go to the party. The bus was late and we did not arrive home until late. No time to do anything but eat, watch "The Quiller Memorandum" on the V+ box (dated, sure, but Pinter's dialogue still sparkles) and go to bed.

There will be no time this evening, either (I am going to see the Fratellis with my Brother), so this quick post, on a Company computer - ooo, eee - will have to be it.

Have a good weekend, all. Catch up later.

2008-12-03T19:50:00.004Z

Is this the way that the blog ends? I hope not, but it might be.

I am fighting, but I just feel so tired. Maybe it is the onset of winter and the cold weather? Maybe time is just speeding up? Maybe I am suffering from depression or maybe I am just generally pissed off with life? I don't know.

There does not seem to be any time to do anything, never mind writing anything of any interest. I have received a CD as part of Swiss Toni's Shuffleathon. I have not listened to it, even though at the beginning of this week I said that I would. I have taped lots of TV onto the V+ box. I have not watched any of it. I have 3, brand new, shiny Blu Ray discs to watch. I haven't watched them. I have a book I started to read, "The Rise Of Endymion", that is sitting on a chair in the bedroom. I am not reading it.

What am I doing then?

You got me there, Chief. Mostly I have been sleeping, eating food and watching TV. When I do raise my arse out of the chair to get to the back room, turn the computer on and attempt to blog, I have nothing much to say. Pretty shit.

It doesn't help that Jennifer is working all of the time. She is in work by 7am. She works through lunch. She comes home with me at the correct time, that is true, but then she works late into the evening. I am pretty sure that last night she did not get into bed until after midnight. (Not that I would know this for certain, of course, because we do not share a bed anymore and there does not seem much likelihood that we are going to ever again.) We are supposed to have a date at 9:30pm to watch an hour of TV together, probably "Burn Notice", but I am not going to hold my breath.

I am very, very fed up.

(Hey! Can the defeatist shit! This is bollocks. Pull yourself together, you twat!. There are a lot of people worse off than you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.)

Quite right.

Vent. Vent. Rant. Vent. Fuckers. Cunts. Bollocks. Tory wankers.

There, I feel better. The blog goes on.

Right, first thing. Some news.

Tomorrow is the evening of The Company Christmas Party. I will not go into any great detail about it, for obvious reasons, but The Company has spent an obscene amount on this years festive entertainment. Free coach travel to the venue, from all over the UK, free hotel accommodation, free food, free bar, live band(s), butchers, bakers, candlestick makers, clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right. Sounds good, yes?

No. I don't think so. The Company has made several hundred redundancies in the last couple of months. A lot of people are facing a very bleak future. Taking the moral high ground, I think that the whole idea of spending hundreds, possibly thousands, of pounds on a party is disgusting and revolting and I want no part of it. I will not be there. I have been banned (by Jennifer) from revealing the true reason why I will not be there. I have been told to say that I will be celebrating Sister 3's birthday tomorrow (Sister 3 really will be 33 years old - Happy Birthday Sister 3, even though you do not know that this blog exists) and will otherwise engaged. Jennifer is going to The Company Christmas Party. She has been told that, as a manager, she has to attend.

I hope she has a nice time. Really I do. Maybe she can take her laptop and do some work?

I will be here. I will watch TV. I might watch something on Blu Ray. I might even do some blogging.

Secondly. Let's get that CD copied to my MP3 player and give it a listen. I am constantly letting people down, but Swiss is a nice guy and I do not like letting him down.

Thirdly. Let's get started on a big post about all the movies and gigs I have not bothered to write about yet.

Later.

2008-12-02T22:55:00.003Z

I have been very busy.

Monday, so a change of desktop.

I was idly flicking through music channels on Sunday night, most of which were playing Christmas songs, when a classic Christmas song came on.

Ah... No choice in the matter. This weeks desktop had to be...

Ricky Tomlinson, actor, singer and co-composer of that fine festive offering "Christmas, My Arse". I love it.

No time for anything else. Sorry. I am getting boring. I know.

Nighty, night.

2008-11-30T09:47:00.004Z

A CD has arrived, which I will give a good listen to and post a review of later in the week.

We have purchased a Blu-Ray player (which is fab) and three discs ("Iron Man", "The Mist" and "Horton Hears A Who") to play on it.

Ruth Lorenzo, who was the best looking woman left on "The X-Factor" this year, and not a bad singer either, has been voted off. Shame.

I am waiting for Jennifer to finish drying her hair so that we can go to Sister 3's. When we get there Sister 3, who used to be a hairdresser, will be colouring Jennifer's hair. We are only an hour late. We were supposed to leave the house at 9:10. Ce sera sera.

That is all.

2008-11-27T21:41:00.003Z

Let's have another film review. Not the one I was going to write but, hey, does it really matter?

I also still need to write about Leonard Cohen at the LG arena, even though I will not be able to write anything as good as this review of the man at the O2 over at my friend Mr. Planet's place.

Er... Here we go.

"Burn After Reading".

I have a strange and disturbing relationship with movies made by the Coen brothers. More often than not I will go to see one of their films at the cinema, dislike it intensely, dismiss it and then months or years later, after re watching it on DVD or TV, discover that it is actually a little masterpiece. It happened with "The Big Lebowski" and "Fargo". It didn't happen with "The Ladykillers" and "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" (I hated them both) or "No Country For Old Men" and "The Man Who Wasn't There" (I loved them from the start).

I wasn't even going to bother to see "Burn After Reading". No particular reason. I just didn't fancy it. A lot of A-listers acting dumb in a clever-clever movie? Nah. Thanks, but no thanks. It was only a 'I've-missed-the-bus-what-else-is-on-at-the-cinema?' scenario that led me to deciding that it might be worth a look.

I am so glad that I did. I thought that "Burn After Reading" was kind of wonderful. Farce is a very difficult thing to pull off, but with "Burn After Reading" the Coen Brothers manage it with aplomb. I thought it was a very funny film.

I think the key to the success of "Burn After Reading" was down to the way that the Coen Brothers cast every single role perfectly, openly utilising the common public personas of their very strong cast. Frances McDormand is kooky. Brad Pitt is a himbo. John Malkovich is strange. Tilda Swinton is an ice queen. J. K. Simmons is gruff. George Clooney is... what else? A ladies man. (George Clooney, in fact, is truly superb and has never been funnier.)

Of course the plot is guff. Some nonsense about spies, secrets, infidelity, misunderstandings and sudden death (very surprising that bit). Maybe the Coens should have called it "Spy Farce"? Actually, that would have been a pretty good title.

"Burn After Reading" is good. It is very good. Enjoy.

2008-11-26T23:00:00.001Z

This evening I got sidetracked by literally everything. Sometimes that is the way it goes.

2008-11-25T22:36:00.004Z

Hi kids!

I'm back baby!

Er... Gotta go again, but a few things first.

We survived the crisis with the DVD player self destructing at the weekend and will be purchasing a Blu Ray machine next weekend.

(Credit crunch? What credit crunch?)

So, re. this weeks desktop, I got to thinking of what my first Blu Ray purchase might be? Ah... Maybe a film all about this guy.

I loved "Iron Man". One 0f my favourite films of the year.

I once saw a Blu Ray player being demoed in an electronics shop in town and the disk they were using for the test was "Iron Man". It looked just fab.

It was a busy weekend. On Saturday night we went to see Leonard Cohen at the LG Arena and on Sunday I went to see the movie "Choke". I enjoyed both immensely and will write about them next time.

2008-11-23T22:42:00.000Z

The DVD player has blown up!

2008-11-20T22:26:00.003Z

Recent activities, chez Cornelius.

Tuesday evening I finally watched "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix". I thought that it was OK. Maybe a bit complicated and slow for children, but much better than "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire". That film bored me to tears.

Jennifer and I watched most of "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" together. All the way through it she was tutting and muttering and scowling. This had been changed from the book, that didn't happen to that character, etc. Eventually I ordered her from the room.

I suppose I will be the same once "Watchmen" comes out. There are dark rumours that the ending has been altered.

Sacrilege.

**

Wednesday evening I watched the Germany versus England friendly. Frankly, Germany were lackluster, but England were still great, especially Shaun Wright-Phillips who I thought had an awesome game. It was really nice to see all of the Villa boys in the squad get a kick as well. Big howler by John Terry/Scott Carson, though. Will Scott Carson get another chance to play with the big boys? Maybe, but I cannot see it happen soon, except in exceptional circumstances. Capello seems to be a bit unforgiving. Poor bastard.

2008-11-17T20:30:00.004Z

"Zack and Miri Make a Porno".

7.9/10 on IMDB's user rating? Are you kidding? I think you must be.

It makes me very sad to say this, because I have generally been a big Kevin Smith fan, but I thought that "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" was a bit disappointing.

Definitely not as good as "Clerks", "Chasing Amy" or "Dogma". In fact, scratch that. "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" is not as good as any previous Kevin Smith film. The script is not as funny, the performances are not as assured and I did not warm to the characters as much. Kevin Smith by numbers, I'm afraid. "Star Wars" gags? Check. Sex talk? Check. Pop culture references? Check. Jay and Silent Bob? Er... OK. Fair enough. No Jay and Silent Bob (it would have been a better film if they had been in it), but I kept thinking to myself that maybe it is time for Kevin Smith to change the record.

"Zack and Miri Make a Porno" is not totally terrible. It is funny, and it does have some great moments, just not enough of them. Elizabeth Banks is sweet. Jason Mewes is funny. So is porn star Katie Morgan. Justin Long and Brandon Routh are really funny in their little cameo. Seth Rogan is... Seth Rogan. If you like him, you will like him in "Zack and Miri Make A Porno", if you don't like him, you won't. Traci Lords seems to have come to terms with her porn past. Interesting, that.

"Zack and Miri Make a Porno" just made me want to shrug my shoulders. Yeah, whatever. Was that it?

Kevin Smith's worst film, but it is OK.

**

This weeks desktop.

Reg Varney, of course. He died yesterday at the age of 92.

I would never claim that "On The Buses" was a great British sitcom, because it certainly wasn't, but it ran for seven series, was incredibly popular and, along with other terrible sitcoms like "Love Thy Neighbour", "Bless This House" and "Man About The House", was typical of the politically incorrect humour that made us Brits laugh in the 1970's. Well... Some of us.

Interesting fact. The "On The Buses" movies were the most successful that Hammer Film Productions ever made, grossing more than myriad "Dracula", "Frankenstein" and "Mummy" movies. I'm bet you are glad you learnt that, aren't you?

2008-11-16T19:01:00.005Z

"The Baader Meinhof Complex" or, properly, "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex".

Going into see "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex" I was filled with trepidation. This was a long German film, with subtitles, by a very serious Director, dealing with the potentially tortuous subject of politics, the radicalisation of students in the late 1960's and the myriad gangs, brigades and groups that came out of that period. Not knowing an awful lot about the German political scene of that time, I was worried that I would struggle to understand it all.

No worries on that front. It is a tribute to director Uli Edel and writer Bernd Eichinger that the story of the Baader-Meinholf gang was presented cleanly and clearly. I thought that "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex" was a beautifully constructed, visceral movie, with note perfect performances from the main leads: Moritz Bleibtreu's Andreas Baader - egotistical, irresponsible, charismatic and, let's be honest for a moment, a bit of a horse's ass; Martina Gedeck's Ulrike Meinhof - a faintly left leaning journalist, intelligent, thoughtful, introspective, somewhat seduced by the glamour of the 'movement' and Johanna Wokalek's Gudrun Ensslin - Baader's girlfriend, obsessed, twinkly eyed, dedicated and ruthless. All outstanding.

Interestingly, the movie does not judge. You see the position of the group, and of the authorities that battled them, equally. The quality of the movie and of the performances is such that that you do feel a degree of sympathy for the 'terrorists' as their plans fail, their members are picked off one by one and their mental state starts to unravel. You feel sympathy, despite the fact that they were bombers, kidnappers and murderers.

I do feel that "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex" was a tad too long. The second half of the movie, dealing with the incarceration of the senior members of the group, could possibly have been tighter, but I am just being picky. "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex" was an extremely good movie. I think that it is one of the best of the year.

(And shame on the two people who left after 5 minutes, no doubt distressed by the fact that they had accidentally paid to see a foreign film with - whisper it! - subtitles. The horror! I nearly called out to them that "High School Musical 3" was on next door and that maybe they should try that film instead. Very sad. They do not know what they missed.)

2008-11-13T21:32:00.003Z

Fancy a film review?

Why not.

"The House Bunny".

Have you ever been to see a movie, where you hated everything about the movie, except for one little thing that made it worthwhile going to see? "The House Bunny" is one of those movies.

Don't get me wrong. "The House Bunny" is a rotten film. Skin crawlingly awful, in fact. A disaster, truly terrible and, in these times of the credit crunch, a dreadful waste of a Hollywood budget. "The House Bunny" is a cinematic turd of the highest degree. Bad performances by nearly everybody in the cast. Perfunctory plot. Predictable outcome. Nearly a total waste of time and effort.

Nearly?

Well, actually yes, because, amazingly, I thought that Anna Faris in the title role was really very funny. Trust me on this. She was as wide eyed, open, honest and naive as Amy Adams in "Enchanted", if, perhaps, not quite as innocent. I loved Anna Faris in "The House Bunny". Frankly, she made the movie.

Shame that the film is so bad. (And let's not even talk about the appalling version of "I Know What Boys Like" by Katherine McPhee. Have they no shame?)

2008-11-12T22:23:00.005Z

Cold, dark and miserable. That was just me. Don't even get me started on the weather!

Last night I left work and was at the bus stop at 18:10. I waited an hour and 20 minutes for a bus that was supposed to run every half an hour. Being a great guy, I try never to abuse bus drivers when buses are late. It is hardly ever their fault and they will get enough nasty comments from other passengers without me adding to it. But, last night, I was spitting feathers when the bus finally did arrive.

I was polite to the driver, though.

'What happened to the two buses in front of you?'

'One of them broke down and one of the drivers did not turn up. Sorry.'

Ah... See. Not his fault, and at least he had the good grace to say 'Sorry'.

I was home at 20:05. All of my plans to spend the evening in front of the computer writing were ruined. To my shame, I gave up. I ordered way too much Chinese takeaway and found that I couldn't eat even half of it. I glowered at the television for an hour. I extended the heating, had a wank and went to bed.

Total bollocks. I refuse to let myself slip into a depression, born of Jennifer not being here (she is somewhere on the South Coast with her folks) and myself being incredibly pissed off about it. Tonight I reject giving up. Enough of that.

Let's get back to some kind of business as usual, shall we?

So... This weeks Desktop.

I bought a ticket at the weekend to see the Prodigy. The gig is next April at the Birmingham NIA. I like the Prodigy a great deal. Always have done. I have seen the Prodigy live on just the one occasion and enjoyed it tremendously. Not least because of the mental, absolutely bonkers audience, including a girl who attended the gig only wearing furry boots and a bikini in the colours of the American flag. Unusual, that. The gig was in the middle of December. Brummie girls have a strong constitution, methinks.

So, there could be no other desktop but...

Keith Flint. The Firestarter himself. Perhaps it is not the reaction he hopes to get, but I think he is hilarious.

I visited Sister 1 on Sunday to fiddle around on her computer. As is the way, I often pull up videos on You Tube to show to Niece 1 and she tells me what she thinks of them. I showed her "Firestarter" and "Breathe" by the Prodigy.

Niece 1's considered opinion was that videos/songs were 'Crap' and 'Something that my Mom would listen to'. Niece 1 is 11 years old.

Oh dear. I suddenly feel really old.

I was going to make a start on some film reviews, but that can wait for another day.

2008-11-09T21:41:00.004Z

Some lyrics.

"Have you seen her come around?..."
"Follow this feeling..."
"... catching the sparks..."
"Come to me..."
"... tired of you..."
"... groovy..."
"... sugar bear..."
"Oh!..."
"... candy girl..."
"I've been to ancient worlds..."
"Marking the space between the days..."
"Love was in your eyes..."
"... scares me to death..."
"... pneumonia..."
"... no one is listening..."
"... joys of love are fleeting..."

Yes, the CD in the Swiss Toni Shuffleathon 2008 is ready and waiting to be dispatched to the (un)lucky recipient. As always, I have taken it all way too seriously.

16 tracks this year. More than normal. I normally draw a line at 12. Who want to bore a listener? There is even a concept involved, of a kind. A bit of a sad one.

Pretentious? Moi?

2008-11-08T18:19:00.001Z

"Quantum Of Solace".

I have a theory about "Quantum Of Solace".

Marc Forster, who is a good art house Director ("Finding Neverland", "Monster's Ball", "The Kite Runner"), is signed to direct "Quantum Of Solace". Forster, who is very adept at directing performance based movies, quickly realises that he has no idea how to direct an action film. So, he researches, checking out some of the most successful action movies of the previous couple of years to get ideas and a feeling for tone, structure and look. Forster, finding his template, starts work.

"Quantum Of Solace" is Bond filtered via "The Bourne Ultimatum".

Now, don't get me wrong. I liked "Quantum Of Solace" just fine. Maybe it was a little pofaced and one-note throughout, and did not have the variation in plot of "Casino Royale", but I thought "Quantum Of Solace" was a good film. It started well and got better as it went along. It just did not feel like a Bond film. It felt like a Bourne film.

Scenes of intelligence mandarins tracking the action via high-tech surveillance. Bone crushing, close up, fight sequences. Super fast, adrenalised car chases. Sudden death. Blood. Dirt. Heroes and villains that really get hurt. The mental effect on a person of having to watch a person die. All classic Bourne.

Maybe all action films from a particular period do have a particular look and feel to them? I don't know. I will say that "Quantum Of Solace" does frequently achieve a kind of poetry of violence, especially in the 'Tosca' segment. "Quantum Of Solace" is refreshingly short, looks great and Daniel Craig is fantastic as the tormented, revenge driven Bond.

For me, though, the only truly traditional Bond moment was Bond's brief interlude with foxy Gemma Arterton's posh Agent Fields. Perhaps it was a tiny little hint of what the Daniel Craig/Bond persona might be like when/if he lightens up in future movies. Also, a nice little nod by the filmmakers back to a memorable exit in "Goldfinger". (Do you miss the daft names that Fleming used to give his female characters? Check out Agent Fields full name on IMDB. It will make you laugh. I did.)

I hope Daniel Craig makes another Bond film, but I hope that next time it is more Bond and less Bourne.

2008-11-07T22:24:00.003Z

Today a tiny little dog gave me the evil eye. It was because I sat too close to his ~~owner~~ Mom on the bus.

One of these days I will finish writing about all of the movies I have seen since the last review I wrote ("Brideshead Revisited"), but not tonight.

The sidebar will be updated.

2008-11-06T11:39:00.004Z

I have written this sentence many, many times.

I did intend to be here last night, but... (What excuse this time? Ah... I know!) my sleep patterns were fucked up after staying up to watch the US elections. (Good one, Jerry! Cheers!)

So, Barack Obama won.

Good for him. I hope he makes a difference. Of course that line doesn't mean a thing. George W. Bush also made a difference. War, death, instability, danger. Maybe Gore and Kerry would have been just as bad. Until we are able to pass into alternative realities and see how they got on, we will never know.

I am not going to piss on anybody's parade here, but Obama is not the chosen one, the messiah, Anakin Skywalker or Harry Potter. Obama is a politician. As such he will be pulled and pushed by the vested interests that supported him, as much as Bush ever was by the vested interests that supported him. Vested interests may not care about you or me or the right thing that should be done. It is the political game. It is the way it goes.

During the run up to the Carter-Reagan election of 1980, I remember reading a piece in one of the highbrow magazines. The gist of the piece was that whoever won the election, six months afterwards, a majority of people would wish that they had voted for the other guy. I suspect that this is what will happen this time.

I hope that Obama does good things, but am cynical enough to think that he may not.

2008-11-03T23:45:00.006Z

For one day only, this weeks desktop.

This gentleman.

One day only because I will only be at work for the one day this week. Today, in fact. I am off for the rest of the week. Tomorrow, weather permitting, I will be painting the fence. Then, during the evening, Jennifer and I will be going to see "Quantum Of Solace" at The Electric. The rest of the week, who knows? Films, chores, whatever. I have a lot of stuff on the V+ box to watch.

Why Elton for this weeks desktop? No apologies, I liked 70's and some 80's Elton. Also, there is a particular Elton song, that has been a major ear worm for me in recent times, I intend to make the centerpiece of my entry in this years world famous Swiss Toni Shuffleathon. Or if not a centerpiece you might want to call it the 'end of side 1 track', if you are an old fogey still thinking in terms of vinyl.

Get involved. Read all about the Shuffeathon here. I am sure that Swiss will be glad to hear from you. He is one of the good guys.

**

The Stranglers at the Carling Academy, Birmingham. A couple of weeks ago.

Old punks never die. They just go on tour. Forever.

Actually, those punks are just the guys in the band. The other punks, the paying punters in the audience, just get old. They squeeze their pot bellies into tight jeans. They shave their heads to disguise their bald spots, or maybe indulge in a bit of a Bobby Charlton comb-over. (I went for the former.) They stick on T-shirt with a groovy logo. (Mine was a cybernetic skull T-shirt from Boxfresh. I looked 'ard.) They indulge in some low level pogoing. Much easier on tired legs and arthritic joints.

My people...

Jerry, you really must stop being such a cynic. You know how much you enjoyed The Stranglers.

Sure did.

Jet Black looks as old as the Himalayas, and is faintly mountain like, but is still the straightforward, down-the-line drummer he ever was. Dave Greenfield has the air of a bonkers chemistry teacher and can play a keyboard solo while downing a pint. Jean-Jacques Burnel is much fatter than the last time I saw him, but he still has a bass sound that could shake out your fillings. (Also, to these heterosexual eyes, he is still astoundingly sexy. If I had a daughter I wouldn't leave her anywhere near him.) As for Hugh Cornwall? Nowhere to be seen. He left long ago, around the time that The Stranglers stopped seriously troubling the charts. (Not that Hugh has exactly been a chart mainstay himself in the subsequent period since leaving The Stranglers.) Instead we had big, shaven headed Geordie Baz Warne, who is a really good guitarist and gave a good approximation of the Hugh Cornwell sneer.

I did enjoy the gig. It was billed as a greatest hits tour and greatest hits is what we got. All the way from the early New Wave classics like "Peaches", "Hanging Around" and "No More Heroes", to the later, more poppy, psychedelic songs like "Golden Brown", "Strange Little Girl" and "Always The Sun".

Well worth the effort of going to see them.

A word or two about the support act. Starbase 109.

They were the best Kraftwerk piss take I have ever seen. Maybe the only Kraftwerk piss take I have ever seen. As far away from what you would expect a support band at a punk gig to sound like as it is possible to get. I am just surprised they were not bottled off. Or shot. There were some rough people at that gig.

They were a band out of an 80's nightmare (or would that be 80's heaven? I suppose it is all down to who you are and what you groove to). Two guys on synthesizers, backed by a drum machine. Songs about vacuum cleaners, the Manchester metro, finding spiders in the bathroom (accompanied by one of the band waving a giant spider on a stick over the audience; the spider being totally destroyed by an audience member who got his hands on it) and androids.

They were brilliant. They were terrible. They were genius. They were bonkers. Maddest thing I have seen in ages. I would like to see them again.

2008-11-01T17:00:00.001Z

This weeks desktop.

Thunderbird 2 and Virgil Tracy.

I once read a feature in a magazine listing the coolest television characters of all time. Virgil Tracy was in the top 50. Accompanying his entry was this very picture.

It is an interesting picture. Look carefully. See the expression of confidence on Virgil's face? The narrowed eyes. The slight cruelty in the lips, somehow tempered with humour. A macho man. A man's man. A seducer, totally at ease with himself and his sexuality. Note the left hand casually positioned on his hip. It is an almost effeminate stance, but Virgil pulls it off. Note the legs, slightly akimbo. What is he thinking? Look at my big ship, probably. I bet he had a big cock as well.

In my dreams I am as cool as Virgil Tracy.

(Forget watching the movie, except for Sophia Myles as Lady Penelope it is a piece of shit, but the television series is still genius.)

2008-10-31T07:23:00.002Z

Blogging wise, October has been a bit of a washout. There are lots of reasons for that, none of which I am going to go into.

November will be better.

2008-10-29T23:44:00.001Z

The Doctor is dead. Long live The Doctor.

2008-10-28T23:25:00.000Z

I was going to write, but it is late, I am cold and I cannot be bothered.

2008-10-27T23:05:00.002Z

No time! No time!

Saturday. Went to work and saw a Scottie dog attack a bus. Evening went to see the Stranglers. I have written a review in my notebook. I need to type it up.

Sunday. Went food shopping and then went to see "Saw V". It is rubbish. Did the whole review in the notebook thing. Evening. Did a stack of ironing while listening to the best of the Mamas and the Papas. Watched "Burn Notice" and "Breaking Bad".

Today. Went to work. Watched more people be made redundant, including Jennifer's nemesis. Jennifer said that she didn't like the person, but it still made her feel sick. Evening. Cooked, washed up and watched "Spooks".

Phew!

Back tomorrow. More time.

2008-10-24T22:14:00.003+01:00

Two desktops that I have failed to mention.

Anna Faris.

A week or so ago I left the house intending to see "The House Bunny". The bus did not turn up, so I saw the first film about to start when I arrived at the cinema. "Gommora". Not exactly a fluffy comedy. Far from it.

I will probably not now see "The House Bunny" until it turns up on my television set. In light of this tragedy I decided to immortalise Anna Faris as my desktop for the week.

My next desktop was Amy Adams.

I love Amy Adams. One day she will be mine.

My next desktop will not be a pretty girl.

**

At work, as expected since the asset strippers took control, there have been redundancies. Jennifer and I are OK, but we know at least 9 people who are on notice. One of those guys is a programmer who has been with The Company since Margaret Thatcher came to power. When he came out of his meeting he looked shell shocked. Jennifer was told to let him go home and to ask him to come back next week.

During the afternoon an email arrived from the CEO expressing sadness and regret, blah, blah, blah, and inviting applications for voluntary redundancy, pointing out that 'not all requests for voluntary redundancy will be accepted'. So, more redundancies are on the way?

It is all very sad, but that is the way of the world.

I am off to see the Stranglers tomorrow night, so the next post will probably not be here until Sunday. I last saw the Stranglers at the Birmingham Odeon in 1988. Time passes.

I am conscious of all the things I have not written about. I will try to do better in the future.

2008-10-22T22:12:00.003+01:00

Tuesday evening was spent

Eating food. We had a Chinese takeaway. We were so knackered by an apocalyptically bad day at work, we decided that the mountain of fresh food we had in the fridge could go hang.
Watching the first episode of "Breaking Bad". I thought that it was very funny. I laughed all of the way through it. I will definitely watch the rest of the series.
Installing the software for Jennifer's tiny Creative Zen MP3 player. (Tiny? It was so small I thought it was an After Eight mint.) A stressful experience to say the least, mainly because Jennifer kep hanging over my shoulder asking me what I was doing.

I have been writing a largish post catching up on all of the film reviews I have thus far failed to post. So, if you will excuse me, I am going back to that.

I hope everyone is OK.

2008-10-20T21:52:00.002+01:00

Jennifer did not call on Friday or Saturday. She did call yesterday, to say that she was on her way home, and would I like to meet her at New Street station?

Stupid question.

I suppose we are in a state of detente. Last night I ordered a Chinese takeaway. We watched TV. We talked about her Brother and his kids. We talked about the eviction on "The X-Factor" (Girlband! I told you!) We talked about Worthing and Brighton. We talked about nothing very much at all.

We tiptoed around each other all evening. There were no arguments. I didn't raise anything 'heavy'. I was scared to. At the end of the night, she went to her room and I went to mine. I suppose we are still together. Jennifer didn't say anything contrary to that.

Today I asked her Jennifer if she wanted to see "Quantum Of Solace" at The Electric in November? Sofa seat. Nibbles. Drinks. Jennifer said OK. She would like that. It will be the first film we have seen together since "Kung Fu Panda".

We will have a serious talk. We will work through things.

2008-10-18T16:19:00.003+01:00

One minute with... Jerry Cornelius. (Shamelessly stolen from the 'One Minute With...' slot in The Independent. Yesterdays was with Roger Moore, so some of the questions will reflect the trade in which he gained his fame.)

Where are you?

In the back room surrounded by junk. I have just looked out of the window and noticed that my neighbour, the foxy Keren, has finally had her fence put up. It looks like a good, solid piece of work. Unfortunately it also means that I will soon be required to spend a day or two painting the fence on our side.

What was the last film you saw?

"The Rocker". It is not a masterpiece, but I thought it was OK.

Who is your favourite Director?

I have more films by Alfred Hitchcock than by any other Director, courtesy of several box sets, so I suppose I should say him. Of the newer bunch, my favourite would be David Fincher.

If you could have starred in one film, which would it be and why?

"Point Blank" as Walker. The film is a cult classic. A little masterpiece of a thriller. Frankly that should be a good enough reason for an actor to appear in any film, but beyond that Lee Marvin as Walker is tough, relentless, impenetrable, well dressed and extremely cool. Everything that I am not.

What distracts you from work?

TV, going to the cinema, surfing porn. Too much of the latter, lately. I am trying to stop. I have not looked at any porn today. It is a start.

What did you want to be as a child?

I cannot think of a single thing. I don't know. Ask my Mom. She might be able to give you an answer.

Who is your greatest inspiration?

Am I a person who gets inspired by people or events? I do not think that I am. That is a very sad thing to admit. These days am I that indifferent?

The film that changed your life is...

"Planet Of The Apes" from 1968.

I saw it with my Dad at the cinema during the rerun in the early 70's. We both enjoyed it a great deal. From then on we were always going to the cinema. I have been going ever since.

The film also led me directly to books. I first book I ever purchased was "Monkey Planet" by Pierre Boulle, the novel on which "Planet Of The Apes" was based. I started to buy other science fiction novels by the likes of Isaac Asimov, Harlan Ellison, Ray Bradbury, etc. I then started to read other kinds of books. It goes on.

Who is your hero?

My Mom, of course. She was widowed at the age of 43, pregnant and with 4 kids under the age of 10. (I was 14.) She was given the option to allow us to be taken into care, but refused. They were not going to take her fucking children. She went from a mouse, dominated by my Dad, to a woman who had to learn how to make decisions. She made mistakes, but she did OK.

We all have our problems, but basically we are all fine. None of us are on drugs. None of us have ended up in prison or in trouble. 4 out of 5 of us are working. We are the kids of an inner city, single mother. We should be scum. You know what? Take your cliches and shove them up your arse where they belong.

My Mom is my hero.

**

I got a bit down this afternoon. I went around to see my Mom and she told me to spend some money on myself. I have. I have purchased three movies from the '3 for 20 quid' offer at Zaavi and one on top. These movies.

"All The Boys Love Mandy Lane". I loved this movie. For a horror film it is just outstanding. Just a beautiful looking movie that works on all sorts of levels.
"The Notorious Bettie Page". Ditto. Considering it is about the most famous fetish model of all time, it is kind of sweet and innocent, while also being quite rude and very funny. Well, I laughed all of the way through it. I think that Gretchen Mol should have been nominated for an Oscar for this one.
"Before The Devil Knows You're Dead". Outstanding thriller. Great turns from Philip Seymour Hoffman, Ethan Hawke and Albert Finney. Marisa Tomei is also outstandingly sexy, as if I needed to point that out.
"Southland Tales" . Richard Kelly's followup to "Donnie Darko". I have never seen "Southland Tales". It was booed at the Cannes film festival, withdrawn and recut, losing half an hour of footage in the process. Then it was released 18 months later to terrible reviews, except for the Empire Magazine reviewer who quite liked it. I was just dying to see this movie, but it was in and out of British cinemas faster than George W. Bush out of a meeting with his economic advisor. Maybe one day they will release the full cut.

I will watch one of these films after "The X-Factor" results. Who is going home tonight? Ah... That might well be Girlband. I hope so. I have a bet on that JLS will be the top group in their category.

2008-10-17T22:30:00.004+01:00

It has been a rough couple of days. There has been no inclination to blog or surf very much at all. Maybe you noticed? Lot's of promises made. None of them kept.

Jennifer has gone. She will be at her Brother's until Sunday. We have been arguing a lot. You might say that the atmosphere has become very tense. A couple of days ago she said that she wanted some time to think about 'where we were going'. She made an emergency holiday request at work and she was gone.

For the best? Or course. We cannot carry on like this. We are constantly rubbing each other up the wrong way, failing to communicate, doing everything alone. I hate the amount of time she spends working. She hates my indifference and bad attitude. I do not want to carry on like this. Bugger the whole 'no sex' thing. This has become a 'no relationship' thing. It is a shame that she didn't want to sit down and talk to me, and instead felt the need to go to Worthing to think about 'where we are going'. It doesn't matter. I will welcome any step to resolve this situation, however it presents itself.

I hope we are together after this weekend. I really do. I love her.

**

Of all of the artistes who recorded for Motown during the Golden age of that label (1959 through 1972), my favourites were the Four Tops.

They were not the best selling, most iconic or most innovative artistes to record for Motown, and they were never much cop live (I saw them in 1992 on a Motown package tour and they were dreadful), but I loved their records. They were magnificent.

Levi Stubbs died today. He was 72.

RIP.

2008-10-15T22:59:00.001+01:00

Way too tired to be writing now. I promise I will be back tomorrow.

2008-10-13T22:45:00.002+01:00

What was that line again?

'I will be back on Friday.'

Okey, dokey...

Oh, well. Couldn't be helped. In between TV ("The X-Factor", "Burn Notice" and the finale of "Alias" - FUCKING HELL!) , movies ("Gomorra" and "Nights In Rodanthe"), shopping, eating and general dossing about, I did not so much as go near the computer in days. If it helps, I did feel guilty. Hey! Not that guilty.

I am off now to do important things.

Tomorrow I will be going to see the England Under 21 squad run rings around the Wales Under 21 squad at Villa Park, so... wait for it... I will be back on Wednesday.

2008-10-08T22:07:00.003+01:00

Fillums. I just love 'em.

"Brideshead Revisited".

It is a sad admission, but regarding the movie adaptation of "Brideshead Revisited", I am at a disadvantage. Every serious critic has either

a) Read Evelyn Waugh's 1945 novel, or
b) Seen the 1981 television adaptation

and literally all of them have painted the movie adaptation as inferior to one or both.

I cannot comment. I have neither read the book nor seen the television adaptation. I hope to do both, one day. All I will say is that, although the movie adaptation was no masterpiece, I rather enjoyed "Brideshead Revisited" as the reasonably good period drama that it was.

Matthew Goode was especially... er... good as Charles Ryder. He was an outsider, an innocent and a social climber. A man fascinated and mesmerised by the damaged aristocratic Flyte family and the circles in which they moved. It was a good performance, thank God, because it had to be. He was centre stage for the entire movie.

As good as Matthew Goode was, he was possibly exceeded by Emma Thompson in her extended cameo as the Marchioness of Marchmain, the head of the Flyte family. A cold, inflexible and disapointed woman. Dedicated to her Catholicism and slowly ruining her family because of it. I thought that Emma Thompson was so good she might even have a shot at Best Supporting Actress at next years Oscars.

Maybe when I finally get around to reading the book/seeing the television series I might be disappointed at how shallow the whole thing was, but until that unhappy day dawns, I thought "Brideshead Revisited" was not bad at all.

**

I will not be here tomorrow. Tomorrow evening I am off to the Carling Academy to see The Streets. I will be back on Friday.

I can feel a song coming on. I love this one.

2008-10-07T22:47:00.003+01:00

In the news...

A priest writes on his blog, 'Homosexuals should have tattooed on their backsides, "Sodomy can seriously damage your health"'.

Jerry writes on his blog, 'Bigoted priests should have tattooed on their backsides, "This is an asshole"'.

David Duchovny has left rehab after successfully completing a course to combat his sex addiction. He had these words for the waiting press: 'I cannot wait to get home. I am dying for a shag".

Not really. I made that up. But wouldn't it have been brilliant if he had said that?

I was going to get working on a couple of film reviews this evening, but instead I watched "Underdog". It was terrible. Ce sera sera.

2008-10-06T22:50:00.005+01:00

This weeks desktop.

Britney.

Hmm... Britney.

**

One more gripe about the Van Morrison gig.

They banned the sale of alcohol. The bar at the Symphony Hall was open for soft drinks only.

I hope that I do not have to get pissed to enjoy myself at a gig, certainly Jennifer doesn't have to, but to take away the choice of having a pint or two at the venue, before entering the auditorium? Bollocks to that! Too much like being at school. Too much like being treated like a naughty child.

Miserable, Christian sonafabitch. I hope his bread was stale, his water stagnant and that his hair shirt itched like hell.

Before the gig Jennifer and myself had a meal at the Mash House. Pie and mash. Food of the Gods. We also had a bottle of red. Nice.

2008-10-05T22:19:00.004+01:00

Van Morrison at the Symphony Hall in Birmingham.

I thought that Van Morrison was shit.

Where do I start?

There was no support act. Van was onstage at 7:55. This was 5 minutes before the start time on the ticket.

Van played for 90 minutes to the second. (I couldn't believe it. I checked my watch.) There was no encore. You might be interested to read that we paid 45 quid each for tickets to this gig. That works out at 50p for every minute that he played.

Van's performance was indifferent. Oh, man... He gave nothing to the audience. There was no interaction. There was nothing. It might as well have been a private rehearsal. OK, he may have grunted 'Thanks' once or twice, but there was no energy and no sense that he wanted to be there. Just a feeling of overwhelming boredom.

On the four songs that I definitely knew ("Moondance", "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?", "Brown Eyed Girl" and "Gloria" - great songs), Van didn't so much as sing the words, as slur them. Just like he couldn't be bothered.

Van was a real bastard to the gopher at the side of the stage who kept running on to replenish his drinks. The guy just couldn't seem to do anything right. Van also seemed really unhappy with the way that the band were playing. There were a few very sharp hand gestures and barked comments. I thought that the band were great and all of them were really good musicians.

His suit was too tight! Fat bastard! (OK, Jerry. Stop being silly. All of your suits are also too tight.)

The whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth. What a fucking waste of an evening! I could have been at home watching "Run, Fatboy, Run". I wouldn't like to repeat what Jennifer said.

After the gig, there were several people handing out leaflets advertising the upcoming "Astral Weeks" gigs at the Hollywood Bowl. My comment, to the very nice looking Chinese girl who tried to give me a leaflet, was, 'You've gotta be kidding me?'

She shrugged.

Never again. Very disappointing.

2008-10-04T14:19:00.004+01:00

Just checking in. Actually it needs to be a very quick checking in. Jennifer and I will be leaving the house in 21 minutes. This afternoon we are going to see the Pacino/De Niro thriller "Righteous Kill", then we are eating out and then we are going to see Van Morrison at the Symphony Hall. I am not completely au fait with everything Van Morrison has recorded in recent years, but he was one of those artistes that I have always wanted to see live.

It has been a busy week. No time for anything of substance. Certainly not blogging.

I have been getting up at 5am to get to work by 7am. It was tiring and it was draining. Many years back, when I was a young computer operator, I had no problems with the very early mornings. Times change. I was glad when I stopped doing that job and I wouldn't want to go back. Now I find that early mornings are OK in short bursts, but I find that at the end of the week a recovery period is required. Last night I struggled to keep my eyes open watching "Cor Blimey!" Nothing to do with the movie, as it was very good. When I finally did get to my bed, I slept for 10 hours.

I am ~~an old~~ a mature man. (My Dad used to say that a man is only only as old as the woman that he gropes. Ha!)

Gotta go.

2008-10-02T18:10:00.003+01:00

My Brother never broke his leg when he was 14. He had a career in Football.

He started with Birmingham City as an apprentice. After a couple of years he signed for Liverpool. Spells at Manchester United and Newcastle followed. Then he got his dream move to Aston Villa. At the Villains he flourished.

In 1996 he was on the bench for England all of the way through the Euro 96 campaign. He found it frustrating. Little was he to know that 1998 was going to be his year. In the France 98 World Cup campaign, my Brother was England's leading goalscorer with 6 goals. That year we got to the semi finals, where we lost to Brazil.

My Brother never played for England again.

Dreams are visions of other worlds, glimpsed through misted up windows. Somewhere else my Brother was a hero.

2008-10-01T21:11:00.008+01:00

This weeks desktop.

Mr. Rod Serling. Producer, writer and actor.

You must have heard of his television series' "The Twilight Zone" and "Night Gallery". If you haven't, then you can just go and bugger off, because obviously we have nothing to talk about. Rod Serling wrote many screenplays, including those for two stone classic movies: "Planet Of The Apes" and "Seven Days In May".

Actor? As the Narrator/Host of both "The Twilight Zone" and "Night Gallery" he was always an immaculately attired, urbane figure, with a cigarette in hand, distinctive voice and a slightly sinister, mocking air about him. It was a performance. It was a great performance.

Rod Serling died in 1975 during open heart surgery. He was only 50 years old. I was shocked when I read that. Such a waste. All those stories never told.

Rod Serling. Still a legend.

**

It took two plumbers to sort out the problem with the radiator.

Plumber #1 was sent by Homeserve, a company with whom we have a contract for limited internal plumbing support. Plumber #1 arrived in a car with a loud horn, that collapsed in the street as soon as he pulled up. He had a big red nose and wore large shoes. On his lapel he had a flower that squirted water.

Yes. He was a clown.

He could not isolate the radiator. He could not shut off the flow of the water to the radiator. He could not do anything. He suggested certain things, which would have cost additional money and involved shutting off the water to the whole house and leaving us without any heating. I said "No", sent him on his way and complained to the nice lady on the Homeserve help desk. We will not be renewing the contract.

I found Plumber #2 in the Yellow Pages. It was a random selection. A company that looked like they had a few certifications awarded to them. Difficult to know if they mean anything.

Plumber #2 arrived. He isolated the radiator. He took the radiator off the wall and drained it. We discussed getting a new radiator installed on a different wall and he gave me a quote. We had a cup of tea and discussed the prospects for the Villa and the Blues this season. I paid him. We shook hands. He left. He was in the house for about an hour.

Plumber #2 was a star. We will definitely use him again.

2008-09-29T09:55:00.003+01:00

I am at home. I am waiting for a plumber.

7 months after the radiator in the kitchen sprang a leak, the one in the bathroom decided to do the same. It was not too much of a leak. Luckily we caught it before the bathroom floor became too wet.

The radiators are old. We have not done anything to upgrade them. Things corrode, break down and fall apart. (The thermostat on the cooling fan on the cooker also broke down on Saturday. Not a disaster. We just switch the cooker off at the plug when we are not using it.) It is to be expected. Time marches on.

We have not done anything replace the radiator in the kitchen. No replacement is desperately needed. Once the immediate problem is fixed, Jennifer has an idea to replace the radiator in the bathroom with a tall radiator; the kind you can put several towels on simultaneously to dry. She wants the new radiator to be installed on a different wall. Behind the door, rather than beneath the airing cupboard. I have no problem with that, but it will be the short end of the wedge. Jennifer will eventually want to replace all of the radiators. I know that we are going to have to do that at some point, but I certainly do not want us to spend the money until we have to.

Pain in the arse. All of it.

**

Somewhere along the way I stopped writing about movies. Blame lack of time and lack of interest. I am still keeping a list of the movies I see at the cinema. Words about them will follow, at some point, but not today.

2008-09-25T23:17:00.004+01:00

Work. The aftermath of the crisis. I told them the way it had been handled was wrong. I told there was going to be trouble. I knew it. I was right. It gives me no pleasure to write that.

So...

A mighty fine song by Razorlight. It pretty well sums up my feelings at the moment.

2008-09-24T22:51:00.004+01:00

I arrived at work in the middle of a crisis. The details of the crisis are not important. Let's just say that the crisis was with regard to a number of customers being unable to access particular business critical information due to a (unspecified) server problem.

Before I even took my coat off Jennifer said to me, 'If anybody rings up you are not to say, I repeat NOT to say, that it is a known issue and that other customers are experiencing the same problem.'

Eh?

Sorry, but it's disgusting, it's immoral and it's indecent. It's everything that I hate about The Company. Managers that are so busy running ridiculous protocols and certain words cannot be used. There are no such things as problems. There are only incidents.

What is wrong with honesty? What is wrong with being straightforward. Why can't we just say to a customer, 'Yes, we know there is a problem and we are trying to fix it'?

I think it is pathetic and I do not like it. I was vocal about my unhappiness. I was told to shut up.

(Rant over. Jerry straightens the halo on his head and continues.)

I changed my desktop on Monday. This guy.

Jack Bristow from the TV series "Alias", portrayed by Victor Garber.

Bit of a bland looking guy, isn't he? He could be a chief waiter? Or a bank manager? Or maybe even the anonymous CEO of one of those financial institutions that went bust last week?

He isn't. Jack Bristow is Sydney Bristow's father. He is a spy. He is humourless. He is deadly. If you do not give him the information that he wants he will most likely hurt you and then kill you.

But, he is a good guy. (At least I think so. We haven't quite finished watching the series yet.) He sometimes has to do nasty things. In the episode of "Alias" series 5 that we watched last week, Jack Bristow cut off somebodys ear! It was OK. He had good reasons.

Jack Bristow. Father of Sydney Bristow. My hero. I love him.

2008-09-22T22:04:00.004+01:00

Jennifer has passed the first set of her ITIL exams. She got an 82% grade. It is one of the highest grades achieved by anybody who has taken the ITIL exams at The Company.

Good. I am proud of her. Jennifer has worked hard to achieve that result. I just hope that before she rushes headlong into the next set of ITIL studying, she can obtain something of what life coaches would call a better "Life/Work" balance, because she is dismally failing at achieving that.

The Company are pushing to get all staff to take ITIL exams. I have told them to get stuffed, unless the studying and the exams can be done in work time or as paid overtime. I have said that I do not intend to utilise a single second of my unpaid own time on something that I believe will bring no benefit to myself or to The Company. The Company are unhappy at my attitude and I am not the only one.

I spoke to a guy today who discovered that the studying of ITIL and the taking of the exams had been put as task to achieve on his annual appraisal form. He refused to sign it, giving reasons for declining very similar to those I detailed above. The Company were expecting him to do a lot of work in his own time and The Company had no right to tell him what to do outside of work.

A few people have taken the exams. Quite a lot have not.

Career? What career?

2008-09-20T18:02:00.003+01:00

Watching people is interesting.

Girl and boy at the bus shelter this morning. Boy is leaning against the fence. Boy has a serious expression. Girl is all over him like a rash. She kisses his neck. She strokes his hand. She caresses his ears. Boy is indifferent. Girl puts her hands on his chest. Boy pushes her away.

"No."

Girl puts on a sulky expression. She sits down. She lights a cigarette. (While in the bus shelter, smoking police!) Girls looks into the distance. Boy says, "What's up?"

"Nothing."

Boy walks over to her and kisses Girl on forehead. Girl smiles. She reaches out and takes his hand. Bus arrives. Cigarette gets put out and Boy and Girl get onto the bus.

THE END.

What was all that about then?

Life is very boring around here at the moment.

2008-09-18T21:00:00.009+01:00

"Disaster Movie".

Question: Why does Hollywood persist in releasing lame movies like "Disaster Movie".
Answer: Because they make money.

"Disaster Movie" made it's 25 million dollar budget back in 3 weeks, on release in the States. I am assuming that it also went straight into the Top 10. From then on it was into pure profit. "Disaster Movie" will certainly make even more money overseas. On those terms alone "Disaster Movie" alone is a successful movie.

I paid money to see this dreck. (Well, kind of. I have a pass that, for a monthly fee, allows me to see unlimited movies at a particular cinema chain.) You may have paid money to see "Disaster Movie" as well, and so you should. No pirate DVD's here, thank you very much. We are responsible for potentially more rubbish like "Disaster Movie" being inflicted on the world. I apologize deeply and humbly. I hope you do to.

"Disaster Movie" is almost totally awful. (Almost totally awful? OK. I admit that for a microsecond a slight smile played across my lips at one of the "Juno" jokes, but that could just have easily been a small belch.) "Disaster Movie" is a terrible movie. A piece of cinematic poo. A textbook case of how not to make a comedy in the Noughties.

Magnificently unfunny. Obvious, witless, stupid, crass, vile and so very, very bad. Not bad in a good way. Bad in a bad way. There was definitely a whiff of death coming from that screening. People left the cinema dazed and in shock. I saw a man who looked like he had eaten his own tongue in horror at what he had just seen. When I got home after seeing "Disaster Movie", I rushed into the shower to wash off the smell. Jennifer noticed it. She said to me, "Have you just seen 'Disaster Movie'?"

Amazingly "Disaster Movie" is worse than "Meet The Spartans" and worse than "Superhero Movie". At least the latter had Pamela Anderson in a Fantastic Four outfit.

I would say that sometimes it is worthwhile seeing a real stinker of a movie, because that can help you appreciate the gems even more. I cannot say that seeing this movie would serve even that purpose.

If you have to see "Disaster Movie", wait for it to appear, for free, on the television. Trust me. It's not worth the effort.

2008-09-17T19:51:00.005+01:00

I didn't make it here last night because I was busy... Er... watching TV.

But I was also finishing reading "Endymion" by Dan Simmons! Very good book, but also a very long book. I was glad to finally finish it. It seems like I have been reading "Endymion" forever. There is only one book left now for me to read in the "Hyperion Cantos" and that is "The Rise Of Endymion". I intend to start that next week. I normally read for half an hour every morning before leaving for work, but this week I am rising at 5am and leaving at 6am. No time to read.

After "The Rise Of Endymion" I am going to read something short. Then I intend to finish Philip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy. Got to be done. Jennifer and I have booked to see the stage adaptation of "His Dark Materials" at the Birmingham Rep in March next year. In my opinion it is never a good idea to see an adaptation of a novel, or a series of novels, directly after reading the source material. It is always best to leave some distance. I remember seeing the movie of "L. A. Confidential" a week after I had finished the book and thinking that the movie was absolutely dreadful. Of course it wasn't. It took another viewing of "L. A. Confidential" a year or two later to get me to change my mind.

At work, today, I was on a customer care course. Everybody in The Company is going on the same course. I last did a customer care course 20 odd years ago and found it very useful. No, really I did. That course was full of very practical tips. Obvious stuff like making sure you have a pad and a pen on your desk at all time to jot down notes, and also to identify yourself and/or your department when you answer the phone. You would be amazed at the people I know who always scramble for a pen and paper and how many of them just say 'Hello?' when they answer the phone.

The new course was much more to do with the psychological aspects of customer care. Aggressive, assertive and passive customers, and the different ways to deal with them. High loyalty, low loyalty, high satisfaction, low satisfaction customers, and the ways that they can move between the different parts of loyalty/satisfaction grid. Maybe some people thought it par for the course, but I thought it was fascinating stuff.

There was one exercise when a group of people were told to talk to each other about 'holidays'. After 30 seconds an Outsider was to try to join in with the conversation and the group had to ignore them for 5 minutes, before allowing the Outsider to join the conversation. An observer (the lecturer) would make notes on how the group coped with ignoring the Outsider, how the Outsider tried to impose themselves on the conversation and how they reacted when finally being allowed into the conversation.

Interestingly enough, I managed to ignore the Outsider completely. He wasn't even there, as far as I was concerned. The lecturer said that this was unusual. I told this to Jennifer. She said that it was not unusual at all, because any one of the Cornelius clan could have managed it. She said that when we get together we all talk over each other, interrupt each other, none of us are listening to each other and that none of us care a fig about the opinion of anybody else.

Gulp! Am I really like that?

Yes, I suppose that I am. Thank God for the Blog. Nobody to interrupt me.

The other fun thing was the presence on the course of a new girl (a beautiful, stunning, sexy girl) from the marketing department, who was wearing the thinnest and lowest cut blouse I have ever seen. The poor child looked like she was about to freeze to death. I hope that she didn't catch a chill. It would be a waste.

Boobs are very distracting for poor blokes, you know? What was I supposed to do? Not look? At least I didn't drool. Dignity at all times. Dignity.

I have more films to write about, but not now. "Lost In Austen" starts at 9pm. For a light chick comedy, I think that it is hilarious, especially the performance of Hugh Bonneville as Mr. Bennett. Wednesday night period comedies? Shit! Jennifer has obviously brainwashed me.

2008-09-15T21:34:00.006+01:00

It's Monday. Time for the desktop to change.

This picture.

The lovely Daniel Craig and the even lovelier Gemma Arterton. A still from the forthcoming James Bond movie "Quantum Of Solace".

**

I have seen a lot of movies at the cinema, recently. I have not written a word about them. About time I changed that.

First film, "Eden Lake".

"Eden Lake" is the second film I have seen at the cinema in as many weeks, about an attractive young couple, in a remote location, tormented and pursued by malevolent forces. The first film was "The Strangers".

"The Strangers" and "Eden Lake" are movies that follow a formula. Nothing wrong with that. The success of "Eden Lake" or "The Strangers", or any other generic couple-in-peril movie you might care to mention, stands or falls on the execution of it's central idea. I do admit that I liked "The Strangers" a great deal, but I think that I preferred "Eden Lake".

"Eden Lake" is a brilliant horror movie. Really horrible, extremely nasty, gory and violent, with a memorable ending that will play itself over and over in your head long after you have left the cinema. More than just a straight horror movie, "Eden Lake" touches on themes ripped straight out of nice, right wing, tabloid headlines: Urban collapse. Youth, ignored, damaged by the indifference of parents, teachers and society. How will they can threaten the middle classes? How will they threaten YOU!

"Eden Lake" boasts quality naturalistic performances. As the 'Scream Queen', Kelly Reilly is fantastic, throwing herself into the role and into all kinds of filth. But, for the most memorable villain in recent years, watch Jack O'Connell as a character called Brett. Brett is a cold eyed, arrogant, borderline psychopath. Brett is one of the scariest people I have seen in a cinema in a very long time.

My Brother lives in inner city Birmingham. He normally laughs long and loud when he watches horror movies. He did not laugh once during "Eden Lake". In fact, he was particularly thoughtful when we were leaving the cinema. Later, with regard to "Eden Lake", my Brother said to me, 'That film wasn't funny. I know assholes like that. I live in a place like that'.

When all is said and done, "Eden Lake" is only a horror film, but it is a great horror film. I cannot recommend "Eden Lake" enough.

**

That took a long time to write. Too long. Probably time for bed. Another review tomorrow.

2008-09-14T20:36:00.002+01:00

I said that I would be back here on Sunday. Here I am.

Things were getting on top off me. The days were too short. Work was too hard. The arguments with Jennifer were becoming too sharp and bitter. There was too much that I wanted to watch at the cinema or on the TV. The commitments were becoming too great, including the maintenance of the blog. I even cried off today on going to help Sister 1 setup her new printer, claiming that I had something else to do. True enough, except that the 'something else to do' was going to see "Eden Lake" with my Brother. (It is a very good film, by the way. I will write about it sometime this week.)

Something had to be lost, temporarily, and it turned out to be the blog. Sorry about that, but I was going mad. You wouldn't like me if I was mad. I turn green.

The blog is a commitment. Sure it is. There are people I read regularly, and they know who they are, who write every single day without fail. I don't know how they do it. I could not do it. I don't think that I would want to.

Things are now better, even with Jennifer.

For this evening, then, a little blog maintenance, and then I am going to watch the new BBC production of "Tess Of The D'Urbervilles". I have not seen any adaptations of the story. I even managed to miss the famous Roman Polanski version of 1979 starring Natasha Kinski and Peter Firth. Jennifer tells me that "Tess Of The D'Urbervilles" is a horrible tale of hopelessness and despair and that she will certainly not be watching it.

Just me then. In my room.

Is it a sign of middle age that I now feel the need to watch 'quality' BBC productions on a Sunday night? Next thing I will be swapping my Ben Sherman Union Jack T-Shirt for a nice sweater or, perhaps, a cardigan?

Bollocks! Never!

It's good to be back.

2008-09-09T22:23:00.002+01:00

I am going to have a break, probably until Sunday.

There are things to write, but at present I have no interest or enthusisam in writing them. I mean, who really gives a shit anyway?

Play nice while I am away, kids.

2008-09-08T22:23:00.003+01:00

The new desktop. I have changed the day that the desktop gets replaced. From now on it will be a Monday.

"Steptoe and Son".

An extremely fine British sitcom of the sixties and seventies. It starred Harry H. Corbett and Wilfred Brambell. In real life those two guys really hated each other. It's true. I have seen documentaries about them.

**

I had plans this evening. Things to write about. All come to nowt.

Jennifer needed my assistance doing something on the net. I wouldn't normally mind helping her, and we did get everything done that she wanted getting done, but when it all ends in an argument, I don't know why I even fucking bothered. What am I getting out of it?

I will try the blog again tomorrow. Unless there is something good on the TV, of course.

2008-09-07T21:52:00.002+01:00

Just checking in.

As the days have gone by I have become more and more depressed. I think that it is something to do with going back to work tomorrow. I am dreading it.

It is not depression. Not really. It is just yer Jerry being pissed off. The drag of the norm.

I have the play "Pornography", and the films "The Wackness", "The Duchess" and "Disaster Movie", to write about. I will be doing that tomorrow.

I will be better when some structure has returned.

2008-09-04T23:51:00.003+01:00

This evening Jennifer and I christened the recycled Grolsch bottles. She drank water, I drank a Stella Artois. I have also ingested

Meatballs with pasta, in a red wine infused pasta sauce.
Two Ibuprofen, because I had a headache.
A big bowl of chocolate and vanilla Haagen-Daz ice cream.
A Red Bull.
Three cups of Kenya tea.

This has had the effect of leaving me feeling woozy and stoned. Who needs the expensive drugs? I don't.

On the bus today there was an old lady in a wheelchair. She was mentally ill. She blew kisses to everybody who got on and off the bus, except for me. In my case she blessed me sincerely. "I hope God walks with you, my Son", was what she said. "I hope so to", I replied.

I have seen the play "Pornography" at The Door. It featured lots of actors familiar from British television. According to the blurb in the programme, one of the actresses had been in "Casualty" for two seasons playing a character called Roxy. I had never heard of her, but then again I never watch "Casualty". As I said in an earlier post, "Pornography" was not a play about sex, but it did have a young actor who spent 20 minutes naked onstage. His cock was very small. It was a cold theatre.

I have seen "The Wackness". I liked it.

In W. H. Smiths somebody tried to talk me into spending nearly 40 quid on making a will. They didn't succeed. I already have a will. It was made in 1983 before New Labour, Jennifer, a house of my own, Nephew, Niece 1, 9/11, the return of "Doctor Who", 7/7 and Niece 2. It is about time I made a new will.

Jennifer wants to go on holiday next year. She fancies a cruise. Miami, Mexico, Grand Cayman and Jamaica. She saw it advertised in a travel centre in town. I said that I would check it out.

Jennifer came home happy from work today. Her boss is not in the office tomorrow.

I tried to watch "My Zinc Bed". I dozed off and woke up twice.

I saw enough of "Stealth" to get to the obligatory Jessica-Biel-in-a-bikini scene. Then I changed the channel. I had seen the film before.

I have watched films every morning this week, that I taped onto the V+ box. "Sherrybaby", "The Limey", "In The Bedroom" and "300". Tomorrow I might watch "The Outfit" starring Robert Duvall.

Two sharks in suits, standing outside a coffee shop in town, tried to get me interested in signing up for Sky TV. I ignored them. I always ignore them. They are always outside that coffee shop.

I stepped aside to let a very pretty girl with large breasts off the bus before me. She gave me a lovely smile.

Jennifer and I watched part of a documentary about Tattooists. I said that some Tattooists are true artists. Jennifer agreed with me. I asked Jennifer if she would ever consider having a tattoo. She said No.

Flicking channels on the TV, Steve Irwin popped up. He was bonkers and a star. I said to Jennifer how very sad it was about him. Jennifer agreed.

I have purchased sixty quid worth of pornography on my credit card. Four DVD's. It will be the last time.

I have done nothing with this week.

I feel sick.

2008-09-03T12:49:00.013+01:00

First things first. The latest desktop. I changed it last Thursday.

Some fool at work, watching "The X-Factor", featuring new judge Cheryl Cole who is one of the singers in Girls Aloud, expressed the opinion that Girls Aloud are the best British girl band of recent years.

Bollocks.

The best British girl band of recent years are these ladies.

The Sugababes.

They are the best British girl band of recent years not only because Heidi (the blonde Goddess) waved at me when I saw them in concert last year (nobody believes me, but she did), but because they make consistently brilliant records. ("Freak Like Me", "About You Now", "Stronger", "Hole In The Head", "Overload", "Run For Cover", "Round Round". I could go on and on.) Girls Aloud have made one brilliant record ("Love Machine") and lots of just-OK and shit records.

Argument proven. Thank you.

This week's desktop was the above picture. No other candidate, really.

**

The day of my birthday was relatively quiet, but it was still a really nice day.

I rose from my bed quite early. The morning was an orgy of idleness as we watched lots of TV that we had taped onto the V+ box, and after that a chunk of season 5 of "Alias". (I love "Alias".)

Midday we were at Buffet Island with the whole of my family, with two exceptions: Niece 2, who was excused because she was 12 days old and busy, and my Aunt, who was babysitting Niece 2. My Aunt probably wouldn't have come anyway, even if Sister 3 had found a different babysitter. My Mom is feuding with my Aunt (God knows about what) and my Mom had made it clear that she would not sit at the same table as my Aunt. I had to choose. Obviously I had to choose my Mom, but I did ring my Aunt to tell her we would go out for a meal sometime.

Buffet Island was great. As much as you can eat for less than a tenner. I was restrained. Some of my family were not. (Hi Sister 2!) Great fun. We were at the restaurant for hours.

Afterwards Jennifer headed into town and I went back to my house with my Nephew. I had taped a film for him called "War" starring Jet Li and Jason Statham. (As boring a film as I can remember watching in recent times, but with quite a nifty last minute twist that neither of us saw coming.) We watched that and then I took him home.

During the evening Jennifer and I watched one of her recent DVD purchases. "27 Dresses" starring Kathering Heigl. I like romantic films. I have never stopped Jennifer watching "The Lake House" or "Just Like Heaven", the hundred times she has put them on, but I thought that "27 Dresses" was absolutely awful. Dreadful. Unfunny. Painfully predictable. Take 20 or so romantic comedy cliches, mix them in a pot, take them out one by one and ta-da! you have a movie.

Ah... Shite.

Later that evening Jennifer joined me in bed, unbidden. Yup. Surprised me as well, but it was nice and sexy and erotic. No penetration because Jennifer still doesn't want that, but there were other things going on. Above all else Sunday night was starting point and a way forward. Maybe it is crass to write about such things, but it matters to me, and I have tried to be nothing but honest on this blog.

Sex is not everything, but it is something. At least it is to me. Maybe I am an aberration. Maybe everybody else can switch off that desire. Maybe I should do a David Duchovny and seek help, even though I have never cheated on Jennifer. Never even come close. (BTW my Brother tells me that I should, but he is an ass.)

**

This is my week off. I have done little that is constructive, although I kept Monday aside for 'chores'.

On Monday I cleaned the house from top to bottom. I stood in the garden. When it started to rain, I went back into the house again. I rang my pension company to increase my contributions. I have calculated the potential financial effect of Gas/Electricity price increases and made adjustments to some standing orders. I picked up the iPod box and put it down again. Coward. The rest of the time I have spent at the cinema or at the theatre.

"Babylon A.D.".

I like Vin Diesel. Even if he is not flavour of the month anymore, if he ever was, I make no apologies for that statement. I have a story I would like to share.

In 2002, after the release of "Pitch Black" and "xXx", and even though I was possibly too old to indulge in such childishness, I wrote Vin a fan letter. I expressed my admiration for his work and politely requested an autograph on a magazine, featuring Vin on the cover, that I had enclosed with a stamped addressed envelope. A month later the magazine arrived back and it had been autographed.

I have no idea if the autograph is genuine. It may well have been signed by Vin Diesel, or maybe it was just signed by somebody in Vin Diesel's office. I will never know. Do you know what? I don't care. Somebody went to the effort to send that autograph to me for that I think that Vin is sound, is cool and I give him much respect.

I just wish that Vin appeared in better movies.

This brings us to "Babylon A.D.".

Good things. The presentation of the near future world in "Babylon A.D." is beautifully done. Compare and contrast the difference between the collapsing, grunge-like, shabby Eastern Bloc, with the hi-tech, neon lit New York. Very well put together. "Babylon A.D." also has a really intriguing cast (Charlotte Rampling, Mark Strong, Michelle Yeoh, Gérard Depardieu), some good action sequences and an interesting, if derivative, plot.

Bad things. "Babylon A.D." is a mess. There is evidence of extensive tampering with and shortening of the movie in the editing suite. (I read one rumour that 70 minutes had been cut from the movie, although the Director claims that this was more like 15 minutes.) The ending is absolutely awful and apparently not the one that the Director intended.

Director Mathieu Kassovitz has mostly disowned "Babylon A.D.", calling it a movie of 'pure violence and stupidity'. There is nothing wrong with cinematic 'pure violence and stupidity' as such, but I for one would like to have seen Mathieu Kassovitz's original vision. It could have been great.

Such a shame. I have always felt that Vin Diesel could have been the new Stallone, but bad choices have turned him into new Van Damme.

Still, "Babylon A.D." is currently the #2 film at the US Box Office, so what do I know?

**

"Cabaret" at the Birmingham Rep.

(Not many good pictures on the web to steal, so on this occasion I will not bother. Please click on the links. Lots of good pictures on the website.)

I thought this production was brilliant. Strange and very dark. Very emotional and very sexual. Male and female nudity to upset the prudes, God bless them, but always in context. A very different animal to the film version, which I also love. "Cabaret" is sometimes very funny and sometimes very serious. Faultlessly cast, but Samantha Barks and Wayne Sleep give standout performances.

I had some initial doubts about "I'd Do Anything" contestant Samantha Barks. I thought that at 17 she was too young to play Sally Bowles and I said as much when I first read about her being cast. Oh, Jerry. You are such a twat! Samantha Barks was excellent. A decent enough actress and dancer, but a terrific singer. As good as she was on "I'd Do Anything". Outstanding.

The surprise for me was Wayne Sleep as the Emcee. To me he was always that peculiar looking, slightly camp and creepy figure from TV. Always popping up on morning TV or chat shows when his latest show was about to start. Still creepy and peculiar, which is exactly what the character of the Emcee is. Slightly sneering, devious, sexually ambivalent and malevolent. (I do like that word.) Wayne Sleep was wonderful. I have been converted. I am a fan.

No spoilers here, but there is some shocking imagery of Nazism in "Cabaret". None is more shocking than the final image in the production. It clearly illustrates what the rise of Fascism meant for many boys and girls, men and women, homosexuals, libertines, gypsies and communists of Germany in the 1930's.

Jennifer said to me that "Cabaret" was the best theatre production she had seen in Birmingham for many years. It touring the UK at the moment. I urge anybody with even the slightest interest in grown up musical theatre to go to see it.

**

"The Strangers".

I rather enjoyed "The Strangers".

The whole young-couple-terrorised-by-malevolent-forces has been done to death, but "The Strangers" is a very good old fashioned horror movie. Director Bryan Bertino is a man who knows the power of out-of-context music. He knows the power of the sudden noise in the silence. He knows the power of the glimpse of something just outside of your field of vision.

By modern standards "The Strangers" is a short movie (85 minutes), but Bryan Bertino wisely takes his time and allows us to get to know young couple Liv Tyler (a really great performance from her) and Scott Speedman, their fears and their problems. When the horror begins, it is even more effective, because we care about the participants.

"The Strangers" is a great film. Right down to the 'Whoah!" ending.

And please, Hollywood. No sequels. Totally unnecessary.

**

There you are. I have caught up.

This evening I am going back to the small theatre at the Birmingham Rep (The Door) to see a play called "Pornography". The play has nothing to do with sex. "Pornography" is about the lead up to, and aftermath of, the London 7/7 bombings. It has recently been produced, to much acclaim, at the Edinburgh festival. I am really looking forward to it. Jennifer will be at home. I don't think she was interested in seeing anything called "Pornography".

I suppose I should now do some ironing. Good idea.

2008-09-02T17:13:00.002+01:00

Hah! Films to be watched! Indeed.

Last night I watched "Vacancy" on cable, starring Kate Beckinsale and Luke Wilson. I fell asleep about 45 minutes into it. I suppose I will watch the rest of "Vacancy" sometime, but it will not a pressing priority. I think I can see where it was going.

For what it is worth, and only based on the first 45 minutes of it, I thought that Kate Beckinsale was pretty good as the archetypal inpatient, annoyed, irritated girlfriend/wife who finds herself in a situation from hell, but I found it very hard to believe Luke Wilson as her husband. Maybe Luke Wilson has just been in too many comedies? Can Luke Wilson play it serious anymore? I don't know if he can.

The whole couple-in-jeopardy-in-a-remote-location sketch has been done to death, but I saw a pretty good example of exactly that kind of film, just this morning. "The Strangers" starring Liv Tyler.

... Which I will write about at another time, because, AGAIN, I have spent so much time doing other things that it has left little time for blogging. Jennifer arrives home at 6pm and she will howl like a wolf if food is not on the table.

(Me? Pussy whipped? Nah!)

Tomorrow I am going nowhere, well not until the evening, when I am going to see a play at the Rep.

Tomorrow I will write. Birthday, theatre, movies, sexual activity (of a kind).

2008-09-01T21:48:00.005+01:00

The kettle has blown up!

Bastard thing. Tomorrow, in the middle of my week off, while Jennifer is joshing and jiving and having the craic at work, I am am going to have to buy a new kettle. It is either that, or give up drinking tea.

It is impossible to give up drinking tea. Buy a kettle it is then.

Right, then. Where was I? Oh, yes. Birthday pressie haul.

1 iPod Classic 160GB (black), from Jennifer. I am looking at it now. Or rather I am looking at the box in which said iPod is held. Said iPod hasn't left the box yet. I am frowning at the box. I have not yet gathered the courage to open it. I daresay I might do something with the iPod before Christmas. Or maybe later this week.

A fifteen quid iTunes gift voucher, from Jennifer.

A money box, in the shape of a cat, from Jennifer.

2 recycled Grolsch bottles that have been turned into wine glasses, from Jennifer. A sarcy comment, methinks, on my drunken escapades at the Them Is Me gig, a couple of weeks ago.

An Aston Villa Football Club home shirt, from my family. They all chipped in and bought it for me.

On the back my family put my last name (Cornelius) and the year of my birth (63).

Cool. Stylish. Fashionable. Just like me.

I asked for a shirt this year. It was for a good cause, as well. This year the Villa decided not to have a shirt sponsor. Instead the slot was handed free of charge to the Acorns Children's Hospice, which is a charity that supports terminally ill children and their families. Good for them.

What else?

A ten quid W H smith voucher, from my Aunt.

A book voucher, from my Mom. The money that was leftover from buying the shirt. No idea exactly how much. I will find out when I try to spend the voucher.

That's about it. I am very happy.

Lot's to write about, but not now. There are films to be watched.

2008-09-01T10:33:00.003+01:00

I am a day late.

Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday, dear Jerrrrryyyy
Happy Birthday to me.

Off this week, and lots of chores to do, but back later. "Babylon A.D.", "Cabaret" and pressie report.

2008-08-29T19:25:00.003+01:00

Today, for the first time in many, many years I was sent home from work as I did not feel very well. Migraine, mostly, interspersed with some sickness and diarrhea. The funny thing is that the guy who sent me home, who is Jennifer's boss, is normally a total ass, but sometimes he suprises me with casual acts of kindness. We were understaffed at work, and what with Jennifer being off work this week on leave, I was prepared to hang on for today. Jennifer's boss wouldn't hear a word of it and even arranged for somebody to give me a lift home.

This has been such fun. Illness started last night, which accounts for the fact that I did not post last night. Whatever it is has probably been caused by Jennifer trying to kill me with her cooking.

I was back in the house by 10am. I retired to my bed with a bowl in which to be sick and anti-shit tablets to stop the... er... shit. I slept a lot and dreamt massive sex dreams. Some girls are very naughty...

I am up now and feeling much better now. Waiting for food.

Hungry.

2008-08-27T22:10:00.004+01:00

There are some evenings when the frustration gets so acute that you just want to undress, wash, clean your teeth, go to your room (the front bedroom, which is my room, as opposed to the back bedroom, that used to be our room), grab your MP3 player and lie in the dark listening to music for hours on end to shut the world out.

That was last night. I don't think that Jennifer even knew I had gone to bed.

I turned my MP3 player off after listening to this song by the Seekers. It was my Gran's favourite song. It was played during her funeral service. I always find this song very emotional.

Yes. I will love my Gran until the day I die.

Today was a much better day.

2008-08-25T20:54:00.007+01:00

Hmm...

OK, then. As the Suburban Hen said on the comment on my last post, "Kung Fu Panda" is OK. Sadly, though, when you are talking a broad appeal animated movie, 'OK' really isn't enough to cut it, now is it?

It is not a disaster, but I thought that "Kung Fu Panda" was a bit disappointing.

"Kung Fu Panda" is big, bright and colourful (and, by the way, looks wonderful in an IMAX DMR print). It does have wonderful animation, some nice comedy sequences and good characters, but "Kung Fu Panda" is not nearly as funny as it could have been, and is severely lacking in character.

I think the worst crime of "Kung Fu Panda" is the waste of a potentially top class voice cast. Half the fun of modern animated movies, especially for adults, is in the spotting of various celebrity voices having fun. "Kung Fu Panda" manages to leech all of the character and idiosyncraticness out of the voices of fine character actors like Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie, Jackie Chan, and others, that you may as well have used a cast of unknowns.

A real shame, then, but not a total waste. My Nephew (12 years old) liked it. My Niece (11 years old) thought that it was OK.

Great minds think alike, eh Hen?

"Hellboy II: The Golden Army".

I took my Nephew to see this on Sunday afternoon. He used words like 'sick' (which apparently means 'really, really good') and 'awesome', to describe it. I don't think I would disagree with one word of that.

I really enjoyed "Hellboy II: The Golden Army". I thought that it was better than the first "Hellboy" movie.

It is action packed and very funny (great slapstick), and as far away from the brooding and dark comic book hero as it is possible to go. Hollywood take note. It is possible to make a good comic book movie without having to go 'dark' on the material. I read recently that, with the success of "The Dark Knight", it is believed that a 'darker' take on the next Superman movie, and other movie adaptations of DC characters, is the way to go. Rubbish. Horses for courses. 'Dark' will not work for every adaptation. Here is a crazy idea. Try making the next Superman a not boring film. That is the way to go.

Anyway...

"Hellboy II: The Golden Army" would be nothing without it's cast. Ron Perlman was perfect as Hellboy, and so was Selma Blair as Liz Sherman. Nice to see Doug Jones this time being able to use both his body and his voice as Abe Sapien. I also really loved Seth McFarlane's ectoplasmic scientist Johann Krauss and the 12A rating pushing German pronunciation joke. My Nephew especially liked that one.

It is extremely important to point this out. "Hellboy II: The Golden Army" is a stunningly beautiful looking movie. Imagine the creatures of "Pan's Labyrinth" multiplied by a thousand and you will get some kind of idea of the range and variety of creatures that fill the screen during the Troll Market sequence. Amazing. Really amazing.

It is such a shame that a lot of movies have been squashed during this Summer of "The Dark Knight". According to IMDB "Hellboy II: The Golden Army" only just made back it's budget on it's US release. Hopefully worldwide "Hellboy II: The Golden Army" will do well enough to give us a 3rd movie.

2008-08-24T22:10:00.005+01:00

I know, I know. I said that I was going to write about work yesterday, but I didn't. The weekend has been frantically busy. I am really tired, so this will be short.

Jennifer and I were at work on Saturday morning. Jennifer, desperately trying to get certain things completed before her week off, drafted me in to help. I think we were successful enough, but her boss will still moan on Tuesday morning that we could have done better. Bollocks to him. I have no respect for a man who is a brown nose and an arse licker, with no concept of the difference between really easy problems, more difficult problems and really difficult problems. He thinks that they are all the same. Total ass.

Nicer things.

Yesterday afternoon I met Niece 2 for the first time. Niece 2 has lots of black hair, hazel eyes, is more Mediterranean coloured than pink, and is already working on a pretty good pout. She is very small, but weighed a ton when I picked her up. We made a little bit of a connection. Niece 2 looked straight at me, gave me a serious frown, yawned and then fell asleep. It is hard work being a baby.

The treat for my Nephew (Niece 2's Brother), was to take him out to see "Hellboy II: The Golden Army". Just him and me. We had a good time. Nothing in the world like seeing a film like that with a pre-teen boy. I will write about what I thought of the film, next time.

Yesterday evening. Mostly we dossed in front of the TV. "The X-Factor". "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire". "The Thomas Crown Affair" (Brosnan and Russo version).

Today, haircut for me, shopping with Jennifer for hours. "Casino Royale" in the evening. Food in between.

Tired, tired, tired.

Tomorrow we are taking Niece 1 and my Nephew to see "Kung Fu Panda" at the IMAX. It is not a film I was bothered much about seeing, but Jennifer insisted. She wanted us to do something together with the kids. I think she just wanted to see another film on that huge screen.

2008-08-22T22:29:00.003+01:00

Desktop change day! (Actually yesterday, but I was too tired last night to turn on the computer to report Thursday's momentous decision.)

What was it to be this time? A pop group? An attractive lady? A stunning piece of architecture? A bacon sandwich?

No. A cartoon character.

Muttley.

Cohort of the evil Dick Dastardly. Driver, pilot and collector of medals. Sneaky and untrustworthy. Possibly asthmatic. An all round thoroughly bad egg.

Muttley was portrayed by... er... Muttley in two classic series: "Wacky Races" and "Dastardly And Muttley In Their Flying Machines" . Still worth a look.

There has been a change at work. I will write about that tomorrow.

2008-08-20T20:49:00.003+01:00

Gary Glitter refuses to return to the UK without his new girlfriend.

He's at the hospital right now, awaiting her birth.

**

Sorry.

**

Bad night.

Jennifer deleted an extremely important phone message, meant for me, by accident. Jennifer was embarrassed. Then she got angry, saying that it wasn't her fault and that something was obviously wrong with the answerphone. Then I got angry.

Then Jennifer called me names. I decided to avoid the poison and come up here to surf the net and play music.

Indeed.

I think I will have an early night. It will do me good.

2008-08-19T22:10:00.003+01:00

I have excellent news. I am an Uncle for the third time.

Sister 3 gave birth by C-section this afternoon to a little girl. New Niece is 7 pounds and 2 ounces, very pink, has lots of black hair and, according to my Mom, the Cornelius nose. True, I never knew that there was such a thing as the 'Cornelius Nose', but I stand corrected.

Other than that, I know nothing. Jennifer and I will be seeing Sister 3 at the weekend. Must make a note to buy my Nephew (New Niece's Brother) a little gift at the weekend.

Really brilliant! Another Cornelius on stream for visits to Christmas pantomimes, circa 2013 through 2025.

Changes to the blog: Niece is now renamed Niece 1. New Niece is now renamed Niece 2.

Got to keep these things in order.

2008-08-18T22:09:00.004+01:00

Jennifer loathes it. It is deeply wrong. It is cheap, nasty and bad. It makes fools of the sad, the bewildered and the misguided.

I am mortified to my soul, but I really love "The X-Factor". What can I say? I am obviously a lesser human being.

The highlight of the first episode that went out on Saturday? Got to be this pair of geniuses.

I did have a work story, but I am still laughing. Another time.

2008-08-17T21:04:00.008+01:00

More films, I'm afraid. Two films I have seen that I have not written about yet.

"Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day".

It may well be as slender and as insubstantial as Paris Hilton's last meal, but I really enjoyed "Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day".

"Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day" is a very silly, 30's set screwball comedy. Amy Adams (in the best role that Marilyn Monroe never played) is the ditzy, strangely monikered, actress/singer Delysia Lafosse, juggling boyfriends and career choices with the aid of the stoic Francis McDormand, the titular Miss Pettigrew of the title: rubbish, sacked and homeless governess, currently Ms. Lafosse's 'social secretary'. Ms. Adams and Ms. McDormand give two very good performances, in a film full of good performances. Lee Pace, Mark Strong, Shirley Henderson, Ciaran Hinds are all excellent.

My word, I do hate the word, but "Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day" really is delightful. A lovely little surprise of a movie on a grim Sunday afternoon. It will be gone from British cinemas in a week. I urge you to go and see it while you have the chance.

"Elegy".

Everybody is allowed to do a job just for the money, I know that I do, but when it comes to the acting profession, I irrationally think that I expect a little bit more from our finest thespians. I don't know why. I just do. Take, for example, the actor Ben Kingsley.

Ben Kingsley sometimes annoys the hell out of me. He is one of the best actors in the world, but sometimes plys his trade in the likes of shite like "Thunderbirds", "A Sound Of Thunder" and "The Love Guru". Such a waste. Such a shame. Thank God he occasionally realises how good he is and signs up for a movie as sublime as "Elegy".

"Elegy" is a great movie. Ben Kingsley is supreme in it. He plays David Kapesh, an expat British teacher and writer. Kapesh is selfish. He is a player and a commitment phobe, who takes and drops lovers at the drop of a hat. That is until he meets Penelope Cruz's Consuela Castillo, with whom he begins a pretty standard affair and, against all expectations, and much to his dismay, falls in love with her.

"Elegy" has some seriously good, sure footed performances. Ben Kingsley is on Oscar worthy form. It is as different, but as good a performance, as his Oscar nominated turns in "Sexy Beast" and "House Of Sand And Fog". Patrica Clarkson, as Kapesh's long standing mistress, defines hurt and betrayal, Penelope Cruz completely puts word to the lie of one daft critic who said that she simply cannot act in the English language, but the surprise here is Dennis Hopper: His performance as Kapesh's best friend is light years away from the eye rolling villain that he normally portrays to make a crust.

"Elegy" is erotic, touching and beautiful. I think that it is a cracking movie and deserves a bigger audience.

2008-08-15T22:22:00.002+01:00

Nearly forgot. The latest desktop. This lady.

Malin Akkerman as Laurie Juspeczyk/Silk Spectre II from the upcoming "Watchmen". So looking forward to that film.

2008-08-15T21:20:00.004+01:00

This week has been a bit of a washout as far as blogging is concerned. Never mind. New dawn, new day and all that kind of thing.

It is probably a bit late for this, but finally some thoughts, from me, on "The Dark Knight".

"The Dark Knight" has been the cinema sensation of 2008. It has been, very nearly, universally acclaimed by the critics. It is the biggest film of the year so far, by far, and is unlikely to be overtaken by anything else released during 2008. For weeks "The Dark Knight" was the #1 film on IMDB's top 250 films list (which surprised me a little bit, as it was a very new film), although it is down to #3 this week. It has endured unprecedented levels of hype and has come through unhindered as a big, solid hit movie. A perfect Summer blockbuster.

I don't think that "The Dark Knight" is a perfect film, but it is a really good film, if not a great film. Certainly it is the best high octane, high weaponry action film released in many a year (for high octane, high weaponry, I think "Heat" or "Die Hard") and would still have worked even if it had not been a Batman movie. It has great set pieces, a huge scale (I saw it on an IMAX screen - Good Lord! - highly recommended) and had good performances by the whole cast, but especially by Heath Ledger, Gary Oldman and Aaron Eckhart. Particularly Aaron Eckhart. He had the most difficult character arc to follow during the course of the film.

I said that "The Dark Knight" is not a perfect film. It isn't. Let me elaborate.

It is too long. Sorry, but it is. Sometimes you can have too much of a good thing. The first half of the film could have definitely been trimmed.
Bale's Batman voice sometimes verged on the ridiculous. I kept thinking of The Kurgan from "Highlander".
Michael Caine's screen time as Alfred was little more than an extended cameo. I seem to remember he had more screen time in "Batman Begins".
Ditto Morgan Freeman as Lucius Fox.
Maggie Gylenhaal's Rachel Dawes really had nothing to do. True, I will admit that her final scenes were crucial to the motivation of Harvey Dent in the latter part of the movie.
Unlike in "Batman Begins", this time around Batman/Bruce Wayne was not nearly as interesting as the villains. The typical curse of any Batman film.

I am being picky. Sure I am. Minor issues.

I really enjoyed "The Dark Knight". I definitely recommend it, even if you cannot stand superhero movies.

2008-08-13T21:45:00.004+01:00

30 years ago today my Dad died. It has been a weird kind of a day.

To be honest there were no massive feelings of sadness in my head. It was a normal working day, and I was too busy to indulge in gazing soulfully out of the window with a sad expression on my face. Earlier this month the family had discussed going out for a meal, or maybe doing something else to mark the day, but in the end my Mom decided that she didn't want to do anything at all, so the idea was dropped. We did have had a memoriam put into the Evening Mail newspaper, under the name he was known by at work, which was not his real name. I strongly objected to that. His real name should have been on his memoriam. It was the name that we knew him by. Fuck everybody else.

Doesn't matter.

I think about my Dad, sometimes. I dream about him in times of trouble. My Dad would have been 73 this year. When my Dad appears in my dreams, he is always the age he would have been if he had lived. In my dreams we are always outside, on a bright and sunny day. He is always wearing his suit. (He was of the generation that dressed down for work and dressed up to go out and drink.) He is smoking a cigar and has a pint in his hand. He always asks me, "What's going on, Son?" and I tell him. Then he always says, "Ah, things'll be fine. Don't you worry." Always the same. I wonder if he will continue to age as I get older.

My Dad never saw his children grow up and he never saw his grandchildren. My Dad was the biggest Clint Eastwood fan in the world, from "Rawhide" onwards. My Dad would have had a drink to celebrate Clint finally getting an Oscar.

I miss my Dad.

2008-08-11T22:47:00.006+01:00

It is a bit late now to be posting anything of substance.

I finally saw "The Dark Knight" over the weekend. I also saw "Elegy". Both really interesting films. I will write about those over the next couple of days.

Sorry. I am really tired.

I did see episode one of "Spooks: Code 9" this evening. It is a turd. Dreadful, with not even the saving grace (re. "Bonekickers") of being unintentionally funny. Imagine a spy series made for the "Hollyoaks" audience. Inept and cack. I will not be watching again. Bring back the proper "Spooks".

That is all.

2008-08-08T23:37:00.004+01:00

Dress down day, where for the princely sum of a quid fifty (donated to charity), the great and the good dress up in their casual clothes. Always an interesting experience.

In my department alone...

I saw a girl who was dressed in what appeared to be a romper suit. The kind of thing your Mom would have dressed you in when you were 2 years old.

I saw another girl who appeared to have come to work in her negligee. Negligees are pretty see through. The lady was wearing a blue bra. I noticed.

I saw a young Asian guy dressed from head to toe in black. Black shoes, black trousers, black polo neck sweater. He looked like an Asian version of Ilya Kuryakin out of "The Man From U.N.C.L.E.". I told him as much. He asked me what "The Man From U.N.C.L.E." was? Hah! These kids, eh?

I saw Jennifer wearing black boots, blue jeans with a pattern on both of the back pockets that looked like somebody with white paint on their hands had neen groping her arse, and a peasant top that kept slipping down, so giving a nice view of her cleavage. A bit more cleavage than I ever see at home, mind. (The last time I saw her naked? That would be February, maybe.)

Me? Black boots, black jeans and a white Union Jack T-shirt. The one that I wore for the Sex Pistols gig. Simple, classic, stylish.

It's hard being a fashion icon, but I persevere. A couple of times I have been walking around the park and young ladies have accosted me to ask if I am Brad Pitt. When I say "No", those ladies always ask me if I am sure.

Sigh. It happens a lot. Poor Brad.

(One of the above statements is a lie.)

2008-08-07T21:46:00.004+01:00

It's Thursday! Time for a change of desktop.

The Fabs, I think. This picture.

This is one of my favourite photos of the Beatles. It was taken during the preparations for the "Our World" broadcast of 25th June 1967, that was the first, live, television show to be transmitted around the world by satellite. The Beatles contributed a new song that John Lennon sang live to a pre-recorded backing track. There has been some disagreement as to whether the song was specifically written for the broadcast. Ringo and George Martin said that it was, but George Harrison and Macca were unsure. I seem to remember that in the "Anthology" documentary, Macca said that it was an unfinished song that John had 'knocking around during that period' and that it was just 'tweaked for the occasion'.

Whatever. Doesn't matter. It is still a great song. Simple and direct. A real, evocative classic. Elvis Costello certainly thought so. He sang it at "Live Aid".

**

The pay reviews have finally come through. I got 4.4%, Jennifer got 3.2%. Add those to the 1.5% we both got in January, as the initial increase pending synchronisation of the merged company pay reviews in July/August, and there is really very little for me to complain about. Jennifer tells me that I got the highest percentage increase out of everybody in the team.

I'm great I am!

2008-08-05T22:32:00.005+01:00

"The X-Files: I Want To Believe".

"The X-Files" television series ran for 9 years between 1993 and 2002. For the first 6 years or so I was a huge fan. I think that I lost interest in "The X-Files" at about the same time that David Duchovny did, although I kept watching due to some kind of misplaced loyalty. Was Duchovny staying in the series? Was Duchovny leaving the series? Who the hell knew? He kept popping up to tease the audience.

By the time "The X-Files" finally finished, I was kind of relieved. I didn't have to stay in on a Thursday night anymore (phew!) and, anyway, it had gotten kind of boring.

Then, last year, they announced that there was going to be a second "X-Files" movie and that David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson would both be on board. Hmm... OK. Might be intriguing? What did become of Mulder and Scully after the events of "The Truth"?

Sadly "The X-Files: I Want To Believe" isn't intriguing. Not at all. In fact, and it pains me to say this, I really wish they hadn't bothered to make the film at all.

It was nice catching up with Mulder and Scully: Both of them older, but obviously still the same characters and the same sexual chemistry. The bizarre casting of comedian Billy Connolly as a tormented ex-priest suffering from visions worked really well and he was good. Surprisingly, maybe, so was Amanda Peet as the leader of an FBI task force, who wants to involve Mulder in the case at hand.

But, "The X-Files: I Want To Believe" comes across as nothing more than an extended episode of the television series, and not an especially notable one. Way too low key and quiet. Plodding, not exciting, and with barely a reference to the extensive mythology of the television series. In fact, other than the main characters, "The X-Files: I Want To Believe" could have been any FBI procedural movie with a supernatural/sci-fi bent.

"The X-Files: I Want To Believe" was a big disappointment. Possibly one expected by the studio who, in their wisdom, decided to release it opposite "The Dark Knight". Frankly, no contest.

2008-08-04T21:22:00.004+01:00

Hello.

Saturday evening could have gone better.

I would love to tell you all about Them Is Me at Bar Academy, but sadly this will not be possible. My Brother and myself were ejected from Bar Academy about 30 seconds after the band came onstage.

The reason?

I had drunk 3 bottles of Magners Irish Cider in The Square Peg before the gig. I then drank 3 bottles 0f Grolsch Premium Lager while enduring the two unlistenable thrash metal support bands. By the time Them Is Me came onstage, I was paralytic. My Brother had made me give up my spot on the barrier and made me sit down towards the back of the room. I was woozy, then dizzy, and then I vomited all down my T-shirt and my jeans. My Brother dragged me off to the toilet, where I finished being sick. Then, a very nice man from security (and I mean that - he seemed very concerned) said to my Brother that it might be a good idea if we left. We did.

Across the street, I was sick on myself, again. I drifted in and out of consciousness. People across the street, queueing to get into Ramshackle, looked and pointed. I was the guy you see out of his tree, with his face smudged out, on those regular stories on the news about teenagers binge drinking. After an indeterminate amount of time, my Brother coaxed me to my feet and we started move. He said that no taxi or bus would take me home, looking the way I did, so we were going back to his place.

I remember going up Bull Street, crossing Corporation Street, and heading up to Temple Row. I remember my Brother propping me up against the wall and having an altercation with somebody who called us "A pair of queers". I don't know what happened as I was studying the wall, but my Brother looked fine when he came back.

I don't remember going past Birmingham Cathedral onto Colmore Row. Or going through Victoria Square, the Central Library, Centenary Square and then the International Convention Centre. I remember being on the canal, because I remember being sick again with the Malt House behind me. I remember arriving at my Brother's house. He dumped me on the settee and made me drink a glass of water. He then gave me a bowl, in case I was sick again. I wasn't. My Brother rang Jennifer to tell her that I would be staying at his place overnight. He woke her up. She was in bed, long returned from the wedding.

Sunday.

I awoke at 7am. Amazingly enough, I had a tiny little headache. Really nothing. Hardly any hangover at all. Perhaps not so amazing. Quite a bit of the alcohol, and the prawn salad I had eaten before leaving home, was on my T-shirt and my jeans. I cleaned myself up as best as I could and I left. I didn't wake my Brother.

I was home by 9am. A shower, a change of clothes and then Jennifer made me a bacon sandwich. I drifted in and out of sleep all day, in front of the TV, until it was time for us to leave to catch "The X-Files - I Want To Believe".

My chest hurts me today. I think I have strained something. My throat is also very sore. My skin looks blotchy. I look fucking 60. Jennifer says that I went out on Saturday night determined to get wrecked for whatever-the-fuck reason was in my head. Mid life crisis? Competing with my Brother? Who the fuck knows. She might be right.

I am not pleased with myself. I am a dickhead. I am a fucking idiot. I am a prat and a damn fool. I am kind of ashamed. Pillock.

I am a nearly 45 year old man. I should not behave like a 25 year old. Nowhere near good enough. The only saving grace about this, I suppose, is that I do not do this kind of thing every week. It will not happen again. I vow it.

This morning I put the money that my Brother spent on his ticket for the gig back into his bank account. I then sent him the following email.

"----- Original Message -----
From: 'Jerry Cornelius'
To: 'Frank Cornelius'
Sent: Monday, August 04, 2008 7:22 AM
Subject: Saturday
Frank,

Sorry about spoiling Saturday. I was a dickhead and I know it. I have never been a great drinker. I am old enough to know when I should stop and that mixing drinks is never good. Good night up until the vomiting, though.

I have put the cost of the ticket back into your bank account, so at least you will not be out of pocket in that way.

Thanks for looking after me. See you later.

Jerry."

I got a reply this evening.

"From: 'Frank Cornelius'
Sent: 04 August 2008 20:05
To: Jerry Cornelius
Re: Saturday

Dont be a pratt you dont have to give me the money back, best laugh i've had in ages !!! Shortest time i've ever had in a gig too, stone cold sober too..... Anyway, roll on next time, just dont mix the drinks stick to bottles of beer or one type of drink fun though. !!"

My Brother is a true star.

2008-08-02T13:28:00.004+01:00

How peculiar was that? I couldn't read my own blog. The problem was down to the html for website counter, supplied by http://www.sitemeter.com/. Once I had removed the html, no problems at all. I will need to investigate that further, but not now. No time.

Reasonably uneventful night, last night. Jennifer watched "Grey's Anatomy" while I scanned the newspapers. I have never seen the appeal of "Grey's Anatomy" myself. All pretty formulaic stuff, if you ask me, but Jennifer loves it. For my television medical fix I prefer "Scrubs" which, I suppose like most television, is just as formulaic, but is also hilarious, frequently biting, kind of touching, with great music and features my hero, Dr. Perry Cox. While at work I do try to channel Dr. Cox at least once a day.

We then watched a concert on BBC4 featuring footage from the Stax tour of Norway in 1967. The footage was 41 years old and was still electrifying. Booker T & the MG's, the Bar Kays, Arthur Conley, Wilson Pickett, Sam and Dave and Otis Redding. Not brilliant, but fucking brilliant. Even Jennifer, who is the most rhythmically challenged white girl in the history of mankind (her words), tapped a finger (not in time, mind) to the performances. Had to turn the sound on the TV right up. Red hot. The death of Otis Redding was such a loss. He was 26 years old when he died. Such a shame.

I am out this evening with my Brother seeing Them Is Me at the Bar Academy. Them Is Me is the band formed from the ashes of Reef. I know nothing about Them Is Me. Come to that I know nothing about Reef either, bar one song. ("Place Your Hands"?) It should be a good night, even if the band are shite.

Nap time. I am an old man, especially when planning to party all evening, except that I cannot really indulge too much. Jennifer and I have a double date tomorrow with David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson. Got to be fresh for Gillian.

2008-08-01T07:21:00.004+01:00

I changed my mind about posting today. If there is something to write, and there is time (only just - I have to get dressed for work in 7 minutes), why not just write it?

A while ago I booked tickets to see the production of "Cabaret" at the Birmingham Rep on 30th August. It is a show that I have always wanted to see live, as I have loved the movie with a passion. At the time of booking there were no cast details, especially the crucial role of Sally Bowles, so it was all going to be a shot in the dark.

They announced that Wayne Sleep would be playing the Emcee, months ago. I actually think that is really good casting. I find Wayne Sleep kind of creepy anyway and that will fit in exactly with how the Emcee is supposed to be. This week they announced their Sally Bowles. It is this lady.

She is Samantha Barks who came third in the BBC's "I'd Do Anything" reality show.

First reaction? Killer singer. (She can sing anything.) Killer looker. (I mean, look at her.) Moves really well. (Look up a clip on You Tube, if you want.) But... Way, way too young. She is 17 years old. Sally Bowles is a woman in her mid 20's who has been around the block a few times. I am not at all sure that Sam will put that across. I don't know. Maybe she will turn out to be a brilliant actress as well as a singer. I hope so.

That was Friday's post. Over and out.

2008-07-31T22:41:00.005+01:00

A few weeks ago, the Company decided to relax the rules regarding Desktop wallpaper on work PC's. Instead of having to having to put up with the Company motto ("Rise to the level of your incompetence") burning it's way into the retina, staff were allowed to choose anything for their backdrop, within reason. Obviously no porn, Nazi atrocities or Jade Goody.

I have thus far been changing my backdrop, every Thursday, to the first thing that crossed my mind that morning. So far I have had

A mad duck.

Robert Vaughan and David McCallum from "The Man From Uncle".

A dogs arse.

The Small Faces.

This morning I chose this picture.

Julianne Moore.

Might keep that one for a little bit...

***

It is July 31st 2008. Jerry wins!

At the beginning of this month I decided that I would test myself and try to post something to the blog every day. I have done it. I am A-number 1. I am the big cheese. The big kahuna. Big Daddy. Top Dog. President of the state of Cornelius.

It has been an interesting exercise, but as these things go, it is a pathetic kind of challenge to myself. It means nothing in the grand scale of things, but I am still pleased with myself.

I set rules. I did not want any posts along the lines of, "I can't think of anything to write/I am really tired/I never get any sex/I'm really bored", etc. I think I kept mostly to that. Everything else was fair game. There have been lots of posts about movies and television. A fair few posts about work. Some random thoughts. Pictures of ladies and some blokes.

Er...

Yeah.

I may have a day off tomorrow. I will be back on Saturday, before I go out with my Brother.

2008-07-30T22:19:00.004+01:00

Jennifer has told me that she is thinking of getting me an iPod Classic for my Birthday. (My Birthday is at the end of August. I will look forward to getting a card.) Telling me has spoilt the surprise of the present, but Jennifer wanted to make sure that I do not have an irrational hatred of Apple and all it's infernal works. Apparently I have a lot of irrational hatred of things.

I don't mind getting an iPod Classic. My 20GB Creative Zen Sleek is nearly full.

Thoughts? Good choice? Bad choice? Do I embrace an iPod with open arms or do I shun it like the devil spunk that is cheese? I have just read an article here which scared the shit out of me. Maybe I should just ask for the next largest Creative machine, chickenshit that I am?

I suppose if I am in a selfish state of mine I could say 'Yes, please' and 'Thanks a lot!' as an iPod Classic would cost me nothing if received as a gift, and it would be no skin of my nose if it blew up. It would be Jennifer's problem.

Unless it takes my PC with it of course! Then I would have to hurt somebody.

Ooooh... Decisions, decisions.

**

Tickets have been purchased for "The Dark Knight" at the IMAX Cinema at the Think Tank on Sunday 10th August. I decided that two more weeks was all Jennifer and I would be prepared to wait. Hopefully the popcorn eating barbarians will have seen it by then.

Tickets have also been purchased for "The X-Files 2: Electric Boogaloo", sorry, "The X-Files: I Want To Believe" at the Electric Cinema next Sunday. Jennifer will also be attending this screening, no doubt to salivate over David Duchovny, a man whom she has described as "Such a very pretty boy" and "Just too beautiful to live". Hmm... Indeed.

We will probably both be nursing hangovers. Jennifer will be at a wedding in Coventry on Saturday night and I will be out on a sqwark with my Brother seeing Them Is Me. I am not concerned. I am sure that the sight of the lovely Gillian Anderson will be enough to ease my troubled brow.

Tired now. I will add links tomorrow.

2008-07-29T22:26:00.005+01:00

Today I was mostly studying tattoos.

I saw a girl with the numbers "1989" tattooed on the back of her neck. I am assuming that it was the year she was born, which would make her 19 years old. She looked a lot older.

I saw a skinhead with spiderweb tattoos on the back of his hands, his forearms and on his neck. He looked pretty ferocious, especially with the ring through his nose.

I saw a tech guy at work who has the West Bromwich Albion logo tattooed onto his right arm. A man of little or no taste.

I saw another tech guy at work who has the yin and yang symbol tattooed onto his arm. He's all yin and no yang, if you ask me.

I saw a couple of girls with sun symbols tattooed on the base of their spines. It must be a popular one. Two girls at work have exactly the same tattoo in exactly the same place.

I saw a girl with a multitude of little blue stars tattooed onto her shoulders. On her right arm she had a tattoo of a swallow and on her left arm she had a heart with the word "Mom" inside it.

My friend Eleanor (the single Mother) has Chinese writing tattooed onto her right foot. One day I intend to ask her what the writing says.

Sister 3 has a rose tattooed onto her left ankle.

Sister 1, in her wild youth, did a home tattoo of a big, black spot, onto the index finger of her left hand. I have no idea why. Later she had it lasered off.

My Dad had tattoos. On his left arm he had an old fashioned sailing ship, with the sails in full flow. On his right arm he had an anchor. On the cross part of the anchor was written the word "Mom" and on the pointy bit of the anchor was written my Mom's name. He also had a tattoo on his chest, but I cannot remember what it was. It may have been a heart. In fact, thinking about it, I am sure it was a heart. Just above his own heart.

I have no tattoos. A tattoo is not anything I have ever thought about having done. If I had tattoos, what would I have?

Left arm:

The Beatles

and

The Rolling Stones

Right arm:

Mom

inside a heart.

Something that will last forever. Johnny Depp had to change "Wynona Forever" to "Wino Forever" when he split with Wynona Ryder. I wouldn't like to have to do that.

2008-07-28T20:29:00.004+01:00

"The Mist".

Pop quiz. Tell me, what do you consider to be the most successful Stephen King adaptation, made for film or television? "Carrie"? "The Dead Zone"? "Salem's Lot"? "Stand By Me"? No! Not "Maximum Overdrive"!! (And if that is your choice, may God forgive you, because I won't.)

All of the above, except "Maximium Overdrive" of course, are great pieces of work. But my choice as the benchmark Stephen King adaptation would probably be "The Shawshank Redemption", directed by Frank Darabont.

Stephen King has been very good for Frank Darabont. "The Shawshank Redemption" has become a modern classic and "The Green Mile" was nearly as good. I am glad to say that "The Mist" is nearly as good again.

"The Mist" is a great film, perfectly structured, but a film that requires patience. It is a film of the slow build and of a gradual getting to know the characters, their obsessions, their fears and prejudices. It was nice to see a King horror film where his great talent of touching on the reality of a small town, has been exploited. It makes it all the more horrific when all hell does break loose, because the people who are getting hurt are ones that you know.

Thomas Jane is faintly wooden. Personally I would not have cast him, but all of the other performances are top notch. Marcia Gay Harden's possibly psychotic, fundamental christian, Toby Jones' short, pudgy, perfectly ordianary hero, Andre Braugher's uptight, big city lawyer and William Sadler's scared, malleable blue collar worker. All excellent.

"The Mist" is not "The Shawshank Redemption" in one crucial way. Whereas "The Shawshank Redemption" was about hope and life, "The Mist" is about hopelessness and death. One thing that they have in common is an astonishing ending. The ending of "The Mist" is wonderful, horrific, twisted and shocking. Not anything that I saw coming.

"The Mist" is marvellous. Must see.

"Savage Grace".

On 17th November 1972, Barbara Daly Baekeland was murdered by her son Antony. "Savage Grace" is about the relationship between the Mother and Son that led to that event. It was the dictionary definition of a dysfunctional relationship.

I liked "Savage Grace" well enough. I thought it was an interesting film from the long absent Tom Kalin, director of "Swoon". There are some UK critics saying that Julianne Moore's performance in "Savage Grace" might well get her another Oscar nomination, and possibly even the gong itself, but I just cannot see that happening. Julianne Moore is good as Barbara Daly Baekeland (has she ever been anything but good?), and Eddie Redmayne is really terrific as her son Antony, but the film is remote and cold and not one that goes in for the kind of grand gestures that win Oscars.

"Savage Grace" does look wonderful and the cinematography is gorgeous, studying every nook and cranny of the beautiful, indolent rich in all of their glory. All beautifully dressed, nicotine addicted and at times depraved, bored, out of touch and listless.

"Savage Grace" is an interesting peak into an alien world.

2008-07-27T22:31:00.004+01:00

I went to see "Savage Grace" today, which was interesting. I have left it a bit late to be writing about it, as I need to be up at 5am tomorrow morning. So, thoughts about "The Mist" and "Savage Grace" tomorrow.

How did I leave it so late? I was tricked into watching "Logans Run". Slow, uninvolving and boring. The dullest two hours of my life. Nothing dates worse than Science Fiction. That is a fact.

2008-07-26T23:56:00.002+01:00

Things I have learned today.

When Jennifer scrapes her hair back and gathers it into a ponytail, it is not a good idea to say that she looks exactly like Richard Harris in "A Man Named Horse".
No matter what a pain in the ass it is to get up really early on a Saturday morning to go to the local supermarket, it is nothing like the pain in the ass of facing the barbarian hordes in the same Supermarket at 13:30 on a Saturday afternoon.
My neighbour Keren looks very sexy in short shorts.
A nice bottle of San Miguel goes down really well on a hot day.
"The Mist" is a really good Stephen King adaptation.
Billy Bragg nicked the first two lines of his great song "A New England" ("I was 21 years when I wrote this song, I'm 22 now, but I won't be for long") from Paul Simon's song "Leaves That Are Green".
There is no truth in the urban myth that eating a curry on a really hot day cools you down.
Heath Ledger's screen presence, and acting ability, improved dramatically between "10 Things I Hate About You" and "A Knight's Tale".
"Animal House" is still funny and has barely dated a day.
It is not a good idea to mix San Miguel and Stella Artois.

Oooh. Pre-hangover on it's way, methinks. Time for bed.

2008-07-25T19:53:00.003+01:00

The weekend arrives. There are plans afoot.

"The Mist", "Savage Grace", but not "The Dark Knight". I am already a bit bored by all of the hype. I will give it a week or two before I descend into the darkness of Gotham City. According to IMDB voters, "The Dark Knight" is already the greatest movie of all time. Check it out for yourself. I don't know what to think about that. Maybe it is? I try never to comment on the quality of films until I have seen them.

Other than that, half day at work tomorrow. Shopping. Some more work in the garden, with the keys to the back door safely in my trouser pocket, and the bolt unscrewed from the door. Ha ha!

What else?

Reading?

Television?

Bank heist?

Sex change?

The options are endless.

Have a great weekend, kids.

2008-07-24T22:35:00.004+01:00

Memory cheats, you know. Let me tell you a story.

Years and years ago, when I worked in the IT section of The Chemical Company, I had a Spanish student called Henis as part of my team. Henis was on some kind of work experience in the UK division for 6 months. Henis was a lovely guy. A very quiet, unassuming and gentle man. Very funny man. He had a vague command of the English language, but there are worse things in this life, and anyway, he worked very hard.

Some people disliked Henis. I could never understand why, as he was one of those rare people that it was impossible to dislike. There was one neanderthal shite who treated Henis very badly, eventually being cautioned by the boss. I think that that ass must have been a member of the National Front or British National Party. I remember one conversation when he sprouted on about "them people" taking British jobs. Maybe that was why he didn't like Henis. Definite sense of relief when that cunt finally left.

Henis was a big film fan. My kind of man.

One day Henis came into the office and he had a big smile on his face. He sought me out and the conversation went something like this.

Henis: "Jerry! I see film last night!"

Jerry: "Did you?"

Henis: "Yes. Great film. Great film. Best film I ever see!"

Jerry: "Oh, yeah? What was it called?"

And he told me the name of the film, what it was about and who was in it. Then he started to tell me some of the things that happened in the film.

Henis was so happy. Literally tears of laughter rolled down his cheeks. He acted out scenes from the film. He waved his arms a lot, trying to express the excitement, the brilliance, the sheer magnitude of the cinematic experience.

Henis: "You must see it, Jerry! Next weekend! Yes?"

Sure. Why not? How could I miss the greatest film of all time?

I knew of the film. It was not one I was bothered about seeing. I had heard that it was formulaic rubbish, but what did I know? I try not to criticize films I have never seen. I did go to see the film that weekend.

The film? "Blind Fury" starring Rutger Hauer.

I thought it was good fun. Formula, yes, predictable, yes, but not terrible. Really funny in some parts and Rutger Hauer still had a residual of cool from "Blade Runner". Terry O'Quinn (billed as Terrance O'Quinn), centuries away from playing Locke in "Lost", was also in "Blind Fury", and so was an actress called Lisa Blount, who at the time I thought was really kind of sexy. (She was Debra Winger's friend in "An Officer And A Gentleman" and also had an important part in a really underrated John Carpenter horror film called "Prince Of Darkness".)

So, not bad. Not a bad film at all. Cheers for the tip, Henis.

Jump forward 19 years. In fact, to a couple of hours ago. I had taped "Blind Fury" a couple of days ago and Jennifer and I watched it this evening. It was the first time I had seen it since 1989.

Er... "Blind Fury" is a true piece of shite. Hypnotically awful. Terrible. Cheap, badly acted, badly written, badly everything. Lethargic pace. Nasty, late 80's soundtrack. It features an annoying child who, personally, I would have handed over straight away to the bad guys who were so desperate to get their hands on him. It is a cack film, basically. Shudders. Two hours or so of my life I will never get back.

Jennifer said that she liked it. Vile woman. What does she know?

Memories. Never trust them.

2008-07-23T22:49:00.003+01:00

Still no news on the pay reviews. Jennifer has chased and has been told that the confirmation letters are "on their way". I hope so. We get paid on Monday. I can imagine that everybody with access to a calculator will be working out their new salaries the second the money hits the bank. This is assuming that there will be any changes to salaries, of course. Ha ha!

There has been other news. The Company has been taken over by some U.S. based private equity firm. It has been little more than a year since the last takeover. Damned careless, if you ask me.

An email has been distributed explaining what very fine news it is that the current senior management will remain in place. Phew! For one minute there I was quite worried for them. In the same email there was also the bog standard phrase "At the present time XXXXXX have no plans to change existing staffing levels". Sure. Right. Whatever. I think I have read variations on that statement at every company I have ever worked for that has been the subject of a merger/takeover/buyout. It has always been bullshit.

I looked up some information on the private equity firm on a news site. The same phrase kept popping up a couple of times.

Asset stripping.

Ah...

2008-07-22T22:36:00.005+01:00

At work:

Did some work without much enthusiasm. Nothing new there, eh?

We are all waiting for the pay ~~review~~ insult. Jennifer tells me that I may be pleasantly surprised this year. Apparently some time ago, Jennifer was asked by her manager who she would recommend for an above average pay review. Who were her stars? Jennifer mentioned 3 people: A guy called Damon King (mid 20's, Kevin Spacey lookalike, very quiet, rumoured to have last spoken back in 2002), Bill North (thin, bald and... er... Northern) and me (short and balding, but still sexy, with an undefinable Clooneyesque/Pittesque/Deppesque charisma around the ladies).

Will I get a decent pay review? It is more likely that Buddy Holly will announce a British tour.

At home:

Tea was fish, mash and peas. Actually, lovely.

Entertainment was "George Gently", which is a middle class, cuddly, BBC, Sunday evening, mid 1960's set detective drama. The kind of thing I would normally jump out of a window to avoid, but I really enjoyed it. Maybe I am going senile?

Then, "Bonekickers". I have written about this series before. It hasn't improved. It really is still kind of awful. Terrible, illogical and unbelievable. Bonkers. It is unthinkable to consider that the BBC will do a second series, after the reviews of the first. I think that "Bonekickers" is unmissable. Thoroughly enjoyable. There is a comedy CGI snake in next weeks episode!

And Julie Graham? Oh, yes. I certainly would.

Here's some pictures of her with her clothes on.

2008-07-21T22:11:00.004+01:00

"Donkey Punch".

I went to see "Donkey Punch" with my Brother and Sister 2. My Brother is a man of few words. Here is his review of "Donkey Punch".

"It's just tits and ass and gore." (Shrugs.) "Seen it all before."

Hmm... My Brother was probably right.

Sometimes, though, when the mood strikes me, I can be quite partial to a bit of tits and ass and gore, even if I have seen it all before.

Realistically, as far as slasher movies go, I thought that "Donkey Punch" was OK, Not a great film, but not a terrible film either. Just a bit uneven and not particularly well paced. Once you get past the interminably boring first section, with the 'posh' boys picking up the 'rough' girls and getting down to party on the yacht, the film picks up immensely, with characters deciding to have fun with drugs, fun with sex (in a very explicit, near the knuckle sex scene) and... fun with things that can hurt.

Ah... No more from me, except to say that predictably, for the majority of the characters, this particular party on the high seas is not going to end well.

2008-07-20T21:57:00.006+01:00

Gardening day!

I hate bloody gardening. I wish we had never bought a house with such a large garden, but Jennifer insisted, making some vague comment about "making a really a really nice garden together". Bollocks! I think she last held a gardening implement sometime around 2003 and that was for about 20 minutes, at which time she realised that either,

a) There was something on TV that she wanted to watch, or;
b) There was something she had to connect to work to do

and she ran inside the house to get on with it.

So, the normal sketch is that the garden goes to wrack and ruin until I get sick of looking at it. Then, for a few hours over a few weekends, I dig, cut, trim, weed and generally tidy up the fucking thing. There is never a need to cut the grass. We have a very nice man with a lawn mower who comes every two weeks and cuts the lawn for three quid fifty pence. A bargain.

This morning I was out in he garden at 9am. Sometime around 11am Jennifer shouted from the back door that she was going into town to buy a dress for a wedding she was going to be attending in a couple of weeks. I waved goodbye, Jennifer shut the back door and left.

11:45am. I had finished everything I wanted to do. I had got a fair bit done. All of the crap had been put into recyclable bags and everything had been swept up. The garden looked sweet. I was very happy. It was very satisfying. (Always is, once I get going, although I will never admit to enjoying gardening to Jennifer.) I went to the back door and tried the handle.

The back door was locked.

Eh?

I tried the back door again.

The back door was locked.

Fucker! Jennifer had locked the back door. I had no key, and even if I had, she had left the key in the lock on the other side. I could see it through the window. I couldn't go out of the back gate, because it was padlocked and the key was in the house. I could have done an action hero thing and climbed over it and got through the iron gate at the front of the corridor, because I know that combination on that lock, but I am not Bruce Willis (despite sharing his baldy good looks) and, anyway, where exactly would I have gone? Neither neighbour was home. I had no money and was practically naked, wearing a grubby T-shirt, shorts and trainers.

Stuck, man.

Over the next three and a half hours!! in the back garden, through sun, wind and rain I cycled through various emotional states. Mild annoyance, anger, fury, rage and then onto a kind of zen like peacefulness and then back to mild annoyance.

I studied the red ants. I studied the spider webs. I sang the whole of the Beatles "Revolver" album. I looked at my reflection in the double glazed back kitchen window and admired the weird 3D effect on the skull on the front of my T-shirt. I had a piss down the drain. (Twice.) I considered having a wank, but didn't. (No hankies in my pocket. Nasty, but might have been interesting to find out if semen kills weeds.) I checked out the ruins of the hedge that the Dad of my neighbour, the sexy Keren, had been systematically removing over the last couple of weeks. (Nice girl Keren. Very pleasant. A good neighbour. Has never been any trouble to us. Has lips that could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.) I took my top off went the sun came out and put it back on when the sun went back in. I sat down and stood up again. I hugged myself. I gathered saliva in my mouth and found out how far I could spit. (Not very far, as it happens.) I replayed the "Watchmen" trailer in my head a couple of times. I thought of how best to structure this post.

At 15 and 45 minutes past the hour, I stared intently through the kitchen window. Any sign of Jennifer. No.

15:15pm. Jennifer arrived home. I welcomed her.

"You've locked me out, you fucking idiot!"

I will give her this, she did appear to be mortified.

Choice words were expressed by me to her. I ran upstairs. I showered. Jennifer followed me up, still apologizing. I said that I didn't want to talk about it. I dressed and left. I had arranged to see "Donkey Punch" with my Brother and Sister 2 and was now, possibly, going to be late. I had planned to leave the house at 15:10pm.

Jennifer tried to hug me this evening. I declined. I said that I was still fucking angry at the whole locked-out-of-the-house business and at lot of other things. She said that she didn't lock me out of the house on purpose. I said that I agreed with her, but that I felt it was still another indication, one of many, of how little I even cross her mind lately. Work first, second, third and fourth and then, maybe, Jerry.

It is how I feel.

I did see "Donkey Punch" with my Brother and Sister 2. I thought it had it's moments, if being a little uneven. I will write about it tomorrow.

2008-07-19T23:11:00.003+01:00

Saturday and I have managed to exhaust myself. Too many late nights and early mornings this week, including today. Too much bad food. Too much bad feeling between Jennifer and myself. She is in slamming doors mode.

I will be going to bed shortly. I want oblivion.

Fancy some jokes? Me too. Fuck political correctness.

**

A blonde goes into a computer shop and says, "I need curtains for my PC".

The assistant says, "But you don't need curtains for a computer!"

The blonde says, "Like duh. I've got Windows!"

**

Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate.

St. Peter says, "Okay, guys. Pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe."

So they all agree and are admitted in.

The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth. Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.

The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is. Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.

So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man. The first two guys say in unison, "How did you end with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?"

He nudges the babe and says, "Tell them." She says to the first two guys, "I lied."

**

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghanistan desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asked the Sergeant why the camel is kept there.

The nervous sergeant said, "Well sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have 'urges'. That's why we have Molly The Camel."

The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about 'urges', so the camel can stay."

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'. Crazy with passion, he asks the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his underpants down and has wild, insane sex with the camel. When he's done, he asks the Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"

"'No. Not really, sir. They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are."

**

What do you call a deer with no eye?
No eye deer.

What do you call a deer with no eye and no leg.
Still no eye deer.

**

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again.

She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's)
MUST NOT BEAT ME
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME
MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.

The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you...you have no legs!"

The old man smiled, "Therefore, I cannot run around on you!"

She snorted. "You don't have any arms either!"

Again, the old man smiled, "Therefore, I can never beat you!"

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Are you still good in bed???"

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,"Rang the doorbell didn't I?"

**

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
25 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in year 9. Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.

What's the difference between a porcupine and a police car?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What's the difference between an Australian zoo and an English zoo?
An Australian zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with a recipe.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... Word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern USA fairytale and a southern USA fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shiit..."

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

**

Thank you and goodnight.