Cold, dark and miserable. That was just me. Don't even get me started on the weather!

Last night I left work and was at the bus stop at 18:10. I waited an hour and 20 minutes for a bus that was supposed to run every half an hour. Being a great guy, I try never to abuse bus drivers when buses are late. It is hardly ever their fault and they will get enough nasty comments from other passengers without me adding to it. But, last night, I was spitting feathers when the bus finally did arrive.

I was polite to the driver, though.

'What happened to the two buses in front of you?'

'One of them broke down and one of the drivers did not turn up. Sorry.'

Ah... See. Not his fault, and at least he had the good grace to say 'Sorry'.

I was home at 20:05. All of my plans to spend the evening in front of the computer writing were ruined. To my shame, I gave up. I ordered way too much Chinese takeaway and found that I couldn't eat even half of it. I glowered at the television for an hour. I extended the heating, had a wank and went to bed.

Total bollocks. I refuse to let myself slip into a depression, born of Jennifer not being here (she is somewhere on the South Coast with her folks) and myself being incredibly pissed off about it. Tonight I reject giving up. Enough of that.

Let's get back to some kind of business as usual, shall we?

So... This weeks Desktop.

I bought a ticket at the weekend to see the Prodigy. The gig is next April at the Birmingham NIA. I like the Prodigy a great deal. Always have done. I have seen the Prodigy live on just the one occasion and enjoyed it tremendously. Not least because of the mental, absolutely bonkers audience, including a girl who attended the gig only wearing furry boots and a bikini in the colours of the American flag. Unusual, that. The gig was in the middle of December. Brummie girls have a strong constitution, methinks.

So, there could be no other desktop but...




Keith Flint. The Firestarter himself. Perhaps it is not the reaction he hopes to get, but I think he is hilarious.

I visited Sister 1 on Sunday to fiddle around on her computer. As is the way, I often pull up videos on You Tube to show to Niece 1 and she tells me what she thinks of them. I showed her "Firestarter" and "Breathe" by the Prodigy.

Niece 1's considered opinion was that videos/songs were 'Crap' and 'Something that my Mom would listen to'. Niece 1 is 11 years old.

Oh dear. I suddenly feel really old.

I was going to make a start on some film reviews, but that can wait for another day.

Some lyrics.

"Have you seen her come around?..."
"Follow this feeling..."
"... catching the sparks..."
"Come to me..."
"... tired of you..."
"... groovy..."
"... sugar bear..."
"Oh!..."
"... candy girl..."
"I've been to ancient worlds..."
"Marking the space between the days..."
"Love was in your eyes..."
"... scares me to death..."
"... pneumonia..."
"... no one is listening..."
"... joys of love are fleeting..."

Yes, the CD in the Swiss Toni Shuffleathon 2008 is ready and waiting to be dispatched to the (un)lucky recipient. As always, I have taken it all way too seriously.

16 tracks this year. More than normal. I normally draw a line at 12. Who want to bore a listener? There is even a concept involved, of a kind. A bit of a sad one.

Pretentious? Moi?

"Quantum Of Solace".



I have a theory about "Quantum Of Solace".

Marc Forster, who is a good art house Director ("Finding Neverland", "Monster's Ball", "The Kite Runner"), is signed to direct "Quantum Of Solace". Forster, who is very adept at directing performance based movies, quickly realises that he has no idea how to direct an action film. So, he researches, checking out some of the most successful action movies of the previous couple of years to get ideas and a feeling for tone, structure and look. Forster, finding his template, starts work.

"Quantum Of Solace" is Bond filtered via "The Bourne Ultimatum".

Now, don't get me wrong. I liked "Quantum Of Solace" just fine. Maybe it was a little pofaced and one-note throughout, and did not have the variation in plot of "Casino Royale", but I thought "Quantum Of Solace" was a good film. It started well and got better as it went along. It just did not feel like a Bond film. It felt like a Bourne film.

Scenes of intelligence mandarins tracking the action via high-tech surveillance. Bone crushing, close up, fight sequences. Super fast, adrenalised car chases. Sudden death. Blood. Dirt. Heroes and villains that really get hurt. The mental effect on a person of having to watch a person die. All classic Bourne.

Maybe all action films from a particular period do have a particular look and feel to them? I don't know. I will say that "Quantum Of Solace" does frequently achieve a kind of poetry of violence, especially in the 'Tosca' segment. "Quantum Of Solace" is refreshingly short, looks great and Daniel Craig is fantastic as the tormented, revenge driven Bond.

For me, though, the only truly traditional Bond moment was Bond's brief interlude with foxy Gemma Arterton's posh Agent Fields. Perhaps it was a tiny little hint of what the Daniel Craig/Bond persona might be like when/if he lightens up in future movies. Also, a nice little nod by the filmmakers back to a memorable exit in "Goldfinger". (Do you miss the daft names that Fleming used to give his female characters? Check out Agent Fields full name on IMDB. It will make you laugh. I did.)

I hope Daniel Craig makes another Bond film, but I hope that next time it is more Bond and less Bourne.

Today a tiny little dog gave me the evil eye. It was because I sat too close to his owner Mom on the bus.

One of these days I will finish writing about all of the movies I have seen since the last review I wrote ("Brideshead Revisited"), but not tonight.

The sidebar will be updated.

I have written this sentence many, many times.

I did intend to be here last night, but... (What excuse this time? Ah... I know!) my sleep patterns were fucked up after staying up to watch the US elections. (Good one, Jerry! Cheers!)

So, Barack Obama won.

Good for him. I hope he makes a difference. Of course that line doesn't mean a thing. George W. Bush also made a difference. War, death, instability, danger. Maybe Gore and Kerry would have been just as bad. Until we are able to pass into alternative realities and see how they got on, we will never know.

I am not going to piss on anybody's parade here, but Obama is not the chosen one, the messiah, Anakin Skywalker or Harry Potter. Obama is a politician. As such he will be pulled and pushed by the vested interests that supported him, as much as Bush ever was by the vested interests that supported him. Vested interests may not care about you or me or the right thing that should be done. It is the political game. It is the way it goes.

During the run up to the Carter-Reagan election of 1980, I remember reading a piece in one of the highbrow magazines. The gist of the piece was that whoever won the election, six months afterwards, a majority of people would wish that they had voted for the other guy. I suspect that this is what will happen this time.

I hope that Obama does good things, but am cynical enough to think that he may not.

For one day only, this weeks desktop.

This gentleman.



One day only because I will only be at work for the one day this week. Today, in fact. I am off for the rest of the week. Tomorrow, weather permitting, I will be painting the fence. Then, during the evening, Jennifer and I will be going to see "Quantum Of Solace" at The Electric. The rest of the week, who knows? Films, chores, whatever. I have a lot of stuff on the V+ box to watch.

Why Elton for this weeks desktop? No apologies, I liked 70's and some 80's Elton. Also, there is a particular Elton song, that has been a major ear worm for me in recent times, I intend to make the centerpiece of my entry in this years world famous Swiss Toni Shuffleathon. Or if not a centerpiece you might want to call it the 'end of side 1 track', if you are an old fogey still thinking in terms of vinyl.

Get involved. Read all about the Shuffeathon here. I am sure that Swiss will be glad to hear from you. He is one of the good guys.

**

The Stranglers at the Carling Academy, Birmingham. A couple of weeks ago.



Old punks never die. They just go on tour. Forever.

Actually, those punks are just the guys in the band. The other punks, the paying punters in the audience, just get old. They squeeze their pot bellies into tight jeans. They shave their heads to disguise their bald spots, or maybe indulge in a bit of a Bobby Charlton comb-over. (I went for the former.) They stick on T-shirt with a groovy logo. (Mine was a cybernetic skull T-shirt from Boxfresh. I looked 'ard.) They indulge in some low level pogoing. Much easier on tired legs and arthritic joints.

My people...

Jerry, you really must stop being such a cynic. You know how much you enjoyed The Stranglers.

Sure did.

Jet Black looks as old as the Himalayas, and is faintly mountain like, but is still the straightforward, down-the-line drummer he ever was. Dave Greenfield has the air of a bonkers chemistry teacher and can play a keyboard solo while downing a pint. Jean-Jacques Burnel is much fatter than the last time I saw him, but he still has a bass sound that could shake out your fillings. (Also, to these heterosexual eyes, he is still astoundingly sexy. If I had a daughter I wouldn't leave her anywhere near him.) As for Hugh Cornwall? Nowhere to be seen. He left long ago, around the time that The Stranglers stopped seriously troubling the charts. (Not that Hugh has exactly been a chart mainstay himself in the subsequent period since leaving The Stranglers.) Instead we had big, shaven headed Geordie Baz Warne, who is a really good guitarist and gave a good approximation of the Hugh Cornwell sneer.

I did enjoy the gig. It was billed as a greatest hits tour and greatest hits is what we got. All the way from the early New Wave classics like "Peaches", "Hanging Around" and "No More Heroes", to the later, more poppy, psychedelic songs like "Golden Brown", "Strange Little Girl" and "Always The Sun".

Well worth the effort of going to see them.

A word or two about the support act. Starbase 109.



They were the best Kraftwerk piss take I have ever seen. Maybe the only Kraftwerk piss take I have ever seen. As far away from what you would expect a support band at a punk gig to sound like as it is possible to get. I am just surprised they were not bottled off. Or shot. There were some rough people at that gig.

They were a band out of an 80's nightmare (or would that be 80's heaven? I suppose it is all down to who you are and what you groove to). Two guys on synthesizers, backed by a drum machine. Songs about vacuum cleaners, the Manchester metro, finding spiders in the bathroom (accompanied by one of the band waving a giant spider on a stick over the audience; the spider being totally destroyed by an audience member who got his hands on it) and androids.

They were brilliant. They were terrible. They were genius. They were bonkers. Maddest thing I have seen in ages. I would like to see them again.

This weeks desktop.



Thunderbird 2 and Virgil Tracy.

I once read a feature in a magazine listing the coolest television characters of all time. Virgil Tracy was in the top 50. Accompanying his entry was this very picture.

It is an interesting picture. Look carefully. See the expression of confidence on Virgil's face? The narrowed eyes. The slight cruelty in the lips, somehow tempered with humour. A macho man. A man's man. A seducer, totally at ease with himself and his sexuality. Note the left hand casually positioned on his hip. It is an almost effeminate stance, but Virgil pulls it off. Note the legs, slightly akimbo. What is he thinking? Look at my big ship, probably. I bet he had a big cock as well.

In my dreams I am as cool as Virgil Tracy.

(Forget watching the movie, except for Sophia Myles as Lady Penelope it is a piece of shit, but the television series is still genius.)