It is New Year's Eve. For the want of anything else to do, except to watch "Event Horizon" for the upteenth time, I think it is time to list my favourite 10 films of the year.

Here we go. In no particular order, they are...

1. Dean Spanley (Dir. Toa Fraser)
2. Redbelt (Dir. David Mamet)
3. Eden Lake (Dir. James Watkins)
4. Elegy (Dir. Isabel Coixet)
5. The Mist (Dir. Frank Darabont)
6. Gone Baby Gone (Dir. Ben Affleck)
7. El Orfanato (Dir. Juan Antonio Bayona)
8. 4 Luni, 3 Saptamâni Si 2 Zile (Dir. Cristian Mungiu)
9. Before The Devil Knows You're Dead (Dir. Sidney Lumet)
10. The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford (Dir. Andrew Dominik)

And now, an announcement.

I think I have had enough. Of the blog, that is. I have been thinking about doing this for some time, and in the best tradition of the drama queen, the big gesture at the end of the year is the way to go about it.

It must be obvious to everybody (or maybe it isn't?) that lately I have been finding it a struggle to sit down every day to write something. It has become a chore and bore. I don't think that I want to do it anymore. (That nearly rhymes.) What I am going to do is to pull up the shutters and become a private person again.

Yes, I think that is what I want to do. For the moment, anyway.

So this is goodbye, at least as regards the blog. I have setup a forward on my email. If anybody wants to contact me, they can. I will still check other blogs. I am still interested in what everybody is up to.

Happy New Year, all.

And remember

"We all invent ourselves".

I didn't catch up with my Brother. By the time "Transporter 3" (it was a piece of shit, but it had it's moments) had finished, and I got to The Square Peg at 20:10, my Brother was gone. I phoned him up. He had been drinking since midday and sounded like it. He had left the pub at 20:00.

I was a bit annoyed. I had told him that I was going to see a film first. Never mind. I won't hold it against him and I will not mention it. I will be going to my Mom's, in a couple of hours, so I will see him then.

So, instead of a night of debauchery I

1. Went home.
2. Read newspapers.
3. Watched the final episode of Mark Gattiss' fine series of ghost stories, "Crooked House".
4. Watched a carol concert.
5. Listened to some music.
6. Went to bed at 1am.

I was up this morning at 6am. I couldn't sleep. I had a bacon sandwich and a cup of tea and watched "Venus" starring Peter O'Toole and Jodie Whitaker. A brilliant, touching movie.

Jennifer just called. She wished me a Happy Christmas and asked if I had her Boss' mobile phone number.

Right...

Have a good Christmas Day, all.

Jennifer made me stay home because I was in no fit state to go to work. After sleeping in very late, I washed, had some Thai chicken soup and watched lots of stuff on the TV.

1. Neil Young live in concert, from a 1972 BBC session.
2. "The Mist" on Blu Ray.
3. Two episodes of "Underbelly".

I feel much better. I will go to work tomorrow. No choice, really. Tomorrow evening we are going to a gig (The Puppini Sisters), so if I really didn't go to work, it would be too much like skiving and I do not hold with skiving.

When I return on Thursday I will finally publish my thoughts on the Shuffleathon 2008 CD.

Later.

Very tired. Nose running. Headache this morning. I could have done without going out to a family meal to celebrate Sister 3's birthday, but at least there I was able to sit Niece 2 (3 months, 3 weeks old, approximately) on my lap and make her laugh by doing duck noises. Highlight of my day. Really.

I have not forgotten the blog. I went to see the Fratellis and have a story of idiocy to tell. I have been listening to the Shuffleathon 2008 CD, which is a quite interesting set of songs. I have been writing some emails and doing other things. I have just not been writing about them.

By the way, "Iron Man" is magnificent on Blu Ray. Just thought that you should know that.

I am going to lie down.

A CD has arrived, which I will give a good listen to and post a review of later in the week.

We have purchased a Blu-Ray player (which is fab) and three discs ("Iron Man", "The Mist" and "Horton Hears A Who") to play on it.

Ruth Lorenzo, who was the best looking woman left on "The X-Factor" this year, and not a bad singer either, has been voted off. Shame.



I am waiting for Jennifer to finish drying her hair so that we can go to Sister 3's. When we get there Sister 3, who used to be a hairdresser, will be colouring Jennifer's hair. We are only an hour late. We were supposed to leave the house at 9:10. Ce sera sera.

That is all.

Let's have another film review. Not the one I was going to write but, hey, does it really matter?

I also still need to write about Leonard Cohen at the LG arena, even though I will not be able to write anything as good as this review of the man at the O2 over at my friend Mr. Planet's place.

Er... Here we go.

"Burn After Reading".




I have a strange and disturbing relationship with movies made by the Coen brothers. More often than not I will go to see one of their films at the cinema, dislike it intensely, dismiss it and then months or years later, after re watching it on DVD or TV, discover that it is actually a little masterpiece. It happened with "The Big Lebowski" and "Fargo". It didn't happen with "The Ladykillers" and "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" (I hated them both) or "No Country For Old Men" and "The Man Who Wasn't There" (I loved them from the start).

I wasn't even going to bother to see "Burn After Reading". No particular reason. I just didn't fancy it. A lot of A-listers acting dumb in a clever-clever movie? Nah. Thanks, but no thanks. It was only a 'I've-missed-the-bus-what-else-is-on-at-the-cinema?' scenario that led me to deciding that it might be worth a look.

I am so glad that I did. I thought that "Burn After Reading" was kind of wonderful. Farce is a very difficult thing to pull off, but with "Burn After Reading" the Coen Brothers manage it with aplomb. I thought it was a very funny film.

I think the key to the success of "Burn After Reading" was down to the way that the Coen Brothers cast every single role perfectly, openly utilising the common public personas of their very strong cast. Frances McDormand is kooky. Brad Pitt is a himbo. John Malkovich is strange. Tilda Swinton is an ice queen. J. K. Simmons is gruff. George Clooney is... what else? A ladies man. (George Clooney, in fact, is truly superb and has never been funnier.)

Of course the plot is guff. Some nonsense about spies, secrets, infidelity, misunderstandings and sudden death (very surprising that bit). Maybe the Coens should have called it "Spy Farce"? Actually, that would have been a pretty good title.

"Burn After Reading" is good. It is very good. Enjoy.

Hi kids!

I'm back baby!

Er... Gotta go again, but a few things first.

We survived the crisis with the DVD player self destructing at the weekend and will be purchasing a Blu Ray machine next weekend.

(Credit crunch? What credit crunch?)

So, re. this weeks desktop, I got to thinking of what my first Blu Ray purchase might be? Ah... Maybe a film all about this guy.



I loved "Iron Man". One 0f my favourite films of the year.

I once saw a Blu Ray player being demoed in an electronics shop in town and the disk they were using for the test was "Iron Man". It looked just fab.

It was a busy weekend. On Saturday night we went to see Leonard Cohen at the LG Arena and on Sunday I went to see the movie "Choke". I enjoyed both immensely and will write about them next time.

Recent activities, chez Cornelius.

Tuesday evening I finally watched "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix". I thought that it was OK. Maybe a bit complicated and slow for children, but much better than "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire". That film bored me to tears.

Jennifer and I watched most of "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" together. All the way through it she was tutting and muttering and scowling. This had been changed from the book, that didn't happen to that character, etc. Eventually I ordered her from the room.

I suppose I will be the same once "Watchmen" comes out. There are dark rumours that the ending has been altered.

Sacrilege.

**

Wednesday evening I watched the Germany versus England friendly. Frankly, Germany were lackluster, but England were still great, especially Shaun Wright-Phillips who I thought had an awesome game. It was really nice to see all of the Villa boys in the squad get a kick as well. Big howler by John Terry/Scott Carson, though. Will Scott Carson get another chance to play with the big boys? Maybe, but I cannot see it happen soon, except in exceptional circumstances. Capello seems to be a bit unforgiving. Poor bastard.

"Zack and Miri Make a Porno".



7.9/10 on IMDB's user rating? Are you kidding? I think you must be.

It makes me very sad to say this, because I have generally been a big Kevin Smith fan, but I thought that "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" was a bit disappointing.

Definitely not as good as "Clerks", "Chasing Amy" or "Dogma". In fact, scratch that. "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" is not as good as any previous Kevin Smith film. The script is not as funny, the performances are not as assured and I did not warm to the characters as much. Kevin Smith by numbers, I'm afraid. "Star Wars" gags? Check. Sex talk? Check. Pop culture references? Check. Jay and Silent Bob? Er... OK. Fair enough. No Jay and Silent Bob (it would have been a better film if they had been in it), but I kept thinking to myself that maybe it is time for Kevin Smith to change the record.

"Zack and Miri Make a Porno" is not totally terrible. It is funny, and it does have some great moments, just not enough of them. Elizabeth Banks is sweet. Jason Mewes is funny. So is porn star Katie Morgan. Justin Long and Brandon Routh are really funny in their little cameo. Seth Rogan is... Seth Rogan. If you like him, you will like him in "Zack and Miri Make A Porno", if you don't like him, you won't. Traci Lords seems to have come to terms with her porn past. Interesting, that.

"Zack and Miri Make a Porno" just made me want to shrug my shoulders. Yeah, whatever. Was that it?

Kevin Smith's worst film, but it is OK.

**

This weeks desktop.



Reg Varney, of course. He died yesterday at the age of 92.

I would never claim that "On The Buses" was a great British sitcom, because it certainly wasn't, but it ran for seven series, was incredibly popular and, along with other terrible sitcoms like "Love Thy Neighbour", "Bless This House" and "Man About The House", was typical of the politically incorrect humour that made us Brits laugh in the 1970's. Well... Some of us.

Interesting fact. The "On The Buses" movies were the most successful that Hammer Film Productions ever made, grossing more than myriad "Dracula", "Frankenstein" and "Mummy" movies. I'm bet you are glad you learnt that, aren't you?

"The Baader Meinhof Complex" or, properly, "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex".



Going into see "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex" I was filled with trepidation. This was a long German film, with subtitles, by a very serious Director, dealing with the potentially tortuous subject of politics, the radicalisation of students in the late 1960's and the myriad gangs, brigades and groups that came out of that period. Not knowing an awful lot about the German political scene of that time, I was worried that I would struggle to understand it all.

No worries on that front. It is a tribute to director Uli Edel and writer Bernd Eichinger that the story of the Baader-Meinholf gang was presented cleanly and clearly. I thought that "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex" was a beautifully constructed, visceral movie, with note perfect performances from the main leads: Moritz Bleibtreu's Andreas Baader - egotistical, irresponsible, charismatic and, let's be honest for a moment, a bit of a horse's ass; Martina Gedeck's Ulrike Meinhof - a faintly left leaning journalist, intelligent, thoughtful, introspective, somewhat seduced by the glamour of the 'movement' and Johanna Wokalek's Gudrun Ensslin - Baader's girlfriend, obsessed, twinkly eyed, dedicated and ruthless. All outstanding.

Interestingly, the movie does not judge. You see the position of the group, and of the authorities that battled them, equally. The quality of the movie and of the performances is such that that you do feel a degree of sympathy for the 'terrorists' as their plans fail, their members are picked off one by one and their mental state starts to unravel. You feel sympathy, despite the fact that they were bombers, kidnappers and murderers.

I do feel that "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex" was a tad too long. The second half of the movie, dealing with the incarceration of the senior members of the group, could possibly have been tighter, but I am just being picky. "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex" was an extremely good movie. I think that it is one of the best of the year.

(And shame on the two people who left after 5 minutes, no doubt distressed by the fact that they had accidentally paid to see a foreign film with - whisper it! - subtitles. The horror! I nearly called out to them that "High School Musical 3" was on next door and that maybe they should try that film instead. Very sad. They do not know what they missed.)

Fancy a film review?

Why not.

"The House Bunny".



Have you ever been to see a movie, where you hated everything about the movie, except for one little thing that made it worthwhile going to see? "The House Bunny" is one of those movies.

Don't get me wrong. "The House Bunny" is a rotten film. Skin crawlingly awful, in fact. A disaster, truly terrible and, in these times of the credit crunch, a dreadful waste of a Hollywood budget. "The House Bunny" is a cinematic turd of the highest degree. Bad performances by nearly everybody in the cast. Perfunctory plot. Predictable outcome. Nearly a total waste of time and effort.

Nearly?

Well, actually yes, because, amazingly, I thought that Anna Faris in the title role was really very funny. Trust me on this. She was as wide eyed, open, honest and naive as Amy Adams in "Enchanted", if, perhaps, not quite as innocent. I loved Anna Faris in "The House Bunny". Frankly, she made the movie.

Shame that the film is so bad. (And let's not even talk about the appalling version of "I Know What Boys Like" by Katherine McPhee. Have they no shame?)

"Quantum Of Solace".



I have a theory about "Quantum Of Solace".

Marc Forster, who is a good art house Director ("Finding Neverland", "Monster's Ball", "The Kite Runner"), is signed to direct "Quantum Of Solace". Forster, who is very adept at directing performance based movies, quickly realises that he has no idea how to direct an action film. So, he researches, checking out some of the most successful action movies of the previous couple of years to get ideas and a feeling for tone, structure and look. Forster, finding his template, starts work.

"Quantum Of Solace" is Bond filtered via "The Bourne Ultimatum".

Now, don't get me wrong. I liked "Quantum Of Solace" just fine. Maybe it was a little pofaced and one-note throughout, and did not have the variation in plot of "Casino Royale", but I thought "Quantum Of Solace" was a good film. It started well and got better as it went along. It just did not feel like a Bond film. It felt like a Bourne film.

Scenes of intelligence mandarins tracking the action via high-tech surveillance. Bone crushing, close up, fight sequences. Super fast, adrenalised car chases. Sudden death. Blood. Dirt. Heroes and villains that really get hurt. The mental effect on a person of having to watch a person die. All classic Bourne.

Maybe all action films from a particular period do have a particular look and feel to them? I don't know. I will say that "Quantum Of Solace" does frequently achieve a kind of poetry of violence, especially in the 'Tosca' segment. "Quantum Of Solace" is refreshingly short, looks great and Daniel Craig is fantastic as the tormented, revenge driven Bond.

For me, though, the only truly traditional Bond moment was Bond's brief interlude with foxy Gemma Arterton's posh Agent Fields. Perhaps it was a tiny little hint of what the Daniel Craig/Bond persona might be like when/if he lightens up in future movies. Also, a nice little nod by the filmmakers back to a memorable exit in "Goldfinger". (Do you miss the daft names that Fleming used to give his female characters? Check out Agent Fields full name on IMDB. It will make you laugh. I did.)

I hope Daniel Craig makes another Bond film, but I hope that next time it is more Bond and less Bourne.

Today a tiny little dog gave me the evil eye. It was because I sat too close to his owner Mom on the bus.

One of these days I will finish writing about all of the movies I have seen since the last review I wrote ("Brideshead Revisited"), but not tonight.

The sidebar will be updated.

Tuesday evening was spent

1. Eating food. We had a Chinese takeaway. We were so knackered by an apocalyptically bad day at work, we decided that the mountain of fresh food we had in the fridge could go hang.
2. Watching the first episode of "Breaking Bad". I thought that it was very funny. I laughed all of the way through it. I will definitely watch the rest of the series.
3. Installing the software for Jennifer's tiny Creative Zen MP3 player. (Tiny? It was so small I thought it was an After Eight mint.) A stressful experience to say the least, mainly because Jennifer kep hanging over my shoulder asking me what I was doing.

I have been writing a largish post catching up on all of the film reviews I have thus far failed to post. So, if you will excuse me, I am going back to that.

I hope everyone is OK.

Jennifer did not call on Friday or Saturday. She did call yesterday, to say that she was on her way home, and would I like to meet her at New Street station?

Stupid question.

I suppose we are in a state of detente. Last night I ordered a Chinese takeaway. We watched TV. We talked about her Brother and his kids. We talked about the eviction on "The X-Factor" (Girlband! I told you!) We talked about Worthing and Brighton. We talked about nothing very much at all.

We tiptoed around each other all evening. There were no arguments. I didn't raise anything 'heavy'. I was scared to. At the end of the night, she went to her room and I went to mine. I suppose we are still together. Jennifer didn't say anything contrary to that.

Today I asked her Jennifer if she wanted to see "Quantum Of Solace" at The Electric in November? Sofa seat. Nibbles. Drinks. Jennifer said OK. She would like that. It will be the first film we have seen together since "Kung Fu Panda".

We will have a serious talk. We will work through things.

One minute with... Jerry Cornelius. (Shamelessly stolen from the 'One Minute With...' slot in The Independent. Yesterdays was with Roger Moore, so some of the questions will reflect the trade in which he gained his fame.)

Where are you?

In the back room surrounded by junk. I have just looked out of the window and noticed that my neighbour, the foxy Keren, has finally had her fence put up. It looks like a good, solid piece of work. Unfortunately it also means that I will soon be required to spend a day or two painting the fence on our side.

What was the last film you saw?

"The Rocker". It is not a masterpiece, but I thought it was OK.

Who is your favourite Director?

I have more films by Alfred Hitchcock than by any other Director, courtesy of several box sets, so I suppose I should say him. Of the newer bunch, my favourite would be David Fincher.

If you could have starred in one film, which would it be and why?

"Point Blank" as Walker. The film is a cult classic. A little masterpiece of a thriller. Frankly that should be a good enough reason for an actor to appear in any film, but beyond that Lee Marvin as Walker is tough, relentless, impenetrable, well dressed and extremely cool. Everything that I am not.

What distracts you from work?

TV, going to the cinema, surfing porn. Too much of the latter, lately. I am trying to stop. I have not looked at any porn today. It is a start.

What did you want to be as a child?

I cannot think of a single thing. I don't know. Ask my Mom. She might be able to give you an answer.

Who is your greatest inspiration?

Am I a person who gets inspired by people or events? I do not think that I am. That is a very sad thing to admit. These days am I that indifferent?

The film that changed your life is...

"Planet Of The Apes" from 1968.

I saw it with my Dad at the cinema during the rerun in the early 70's. We both enjoyed it a great deal. From then on we were always going to the cinema. I have been going ever since.

The film also led me directly to books. I first book I ever purchased was "Monkey Planet" by Pierre Boulle, the novel on which "Planet Of The Apes" was based. I started to buy other science fiction novels by the likes of Isaac Asimov, Harlan Ellison, Ray Bradbury, etc. I then started to read other kinds of books. It goes on.

Who is your hero?

My Mom, of course. She was widowed at the age of 43, pregnant and with 4 kids under the age of 10. (I was 14.) She was given the option to allow us to be taken into care, but refused. They were not going to take her fucking children. She went from a mouse, dominated by my Dad, to a woman who had to learn how to make decisions. She made mistakes, but she did OK.

We all have our problems, but basically we are all fine. None of us are on drugs. None of us have ended up in prison or in trouble. 4 out of 5 of us are working. We are the kids of an inner city, single mother. We should be scum. You know what? Take your cliches and shove them up your arse where they belong.

My Mom is my hero.

**

I got a bit down this afternoon. I went around to see my Mom and she told me to spend some money on myself. I have. I have purchased three movies from the '3 for 20 quid' offer at Zaavi and one on top. These movies.

1. "All The Boys Love Mandy Lane". I loved this movie. For a horror film it is just outstanding. Just a beautiful looking movie that works on all sorts of levels.
2. "The Notorious Bettie Page". Ditto. Considering it is about the most famous fetish model of all time, it is kind of sweet and innocent, while also being quite rude and very funny. Well, I laughed all of the way through it. I think that Gretchen Mol should have been nominated for an Oscar for this one.
3. "Before The Devil Knows You're Dead". Outstanding thriller. Great turns from Philip Seymour Hoffman, Ethan Hawke and Albert Finney. Marisa Tomei is also outstandingly sexy, as if I needed to point that out.
4. "Southland Tales" . Richard Kelly's followup to "Donnie Darko". I have never seen "Southland Tales". It was booed at the Cannes film festival, withdrawn and recut, losing half an hour of footage in the process. Then it was released 18 months later to terrible reviews, except for the Empire Magazine reviewer who quite liked it. I was just dying to see this movie, but it was in and out of British cinemas faster than George W. Bush out of a meeting with his economic advisor. Maybe one day they will release the full cut.

I will watch one of these films after "The X-Factor" results. Who is going home tonight? Ah... That might well be Girlband. I hope so. I have a bet on that JLS will be the top group in their category.

Fillums. I just love 'em.

"Brideshead Revisited".



It is a sad admission, but regarding the movie adaptation of "Brideshead Revisited", I am at a disadvantage. Every serious critic has either

a) Read Evelyn Waugh's 1945 novel, or
b) Seen the 1981 television adaptation

and literally all of them have painted the movie adaptation as inferior to one or both.

I cannot comment. I have neither read the book nor seen the television adaptation. I hope to do both, one day. All I will say is that, although the movie adaptation was no masterpiece, I rather enjoyed "Brideshead Revisited" as the reasonably good period drama that it was.

Matthew Goode was especially... er... good as Charles Ryder. He was an outsider, an innocent and a social climber. A man fascinated and mesmerised by the damaged aristocratic Flyte family and the circles in which they moved. It was a good performance, thank God, because it had to be. He was centre stage for the entire movie.

As good as Matthew Goode was, he was possibly exceeded by Emma Thompson in her extended cameo as the Marchioness of Marchmain, the head of the Flyte family. A cold, inflexible and disapointed woman. Dedicated to her Catholicism and slowly ruining her family because of it. I thought that Emma Thompson was so good she might even have a shot at Best Supporting Actress at next years Oscars.

Maybe when I finally get around to reading the book/seeing the television series I might be disappointed at how shallow the whole thing was, but until that unhappy day dawns, I thought "Brideshead Revisited" was not bad at all.

**

I will not be here tomorrow. Tomorrow evening I am off to the Carling Academy to see The Streets. I will be back on Friday.

I can feel a song coming on. I love this one.

I am at home. I am waiting for a plumber.

7 months after the radiator in the kitchen sprang a leak, the one in the bathroom decided to do the same. It was not too much of a leak. Luckily we caught it before the bathroom floor became too wet.

The radiators are old. We have not done anything to upgrade them. Things corrode, break down and fall apart. (The thermostat on the cooling fan on the cooker also broke down on Saturday. Not a disaster. We just switch the cooker off at the plug when we are not using it.) It is to be expected. Time marches on.

We have not done anything replace the radiator in the kitchen. No replacement is desperately needed. Once the immediate problem is fixed, Jennifer has an idea to replace the radiator in the bathroom with a tall radiator; the kind you can put several towels on simultaneously to dry. She wants the new radiator to be installed on a different wall. Behind the door, rather than beneath the airing cupboard. I have no problem with that, but it will be the short end of the wedge. Jennifer will eventually want to replace all of the radiators. I know that we are going to have to do that at some point, but I certainly do not want us to spend the money until we have to.

Pain in the arse. All of it.

**

Somewhere along the way I stopped writing about movies. Blame lack of time and lack of interest. I am still keeping a list of the movies I see at the cinema. Words about them will follow, at some point, but not today.

"Disaster Movie".



Question: Why does Hollywood persist in releasing lame movies like "Disaster Movie".
Answer: Because they make money.

"Disaster Movie" made it's 25 million dollar budget back in 3 weeks, on release in the States. I am assuming that it also went straight into the Top 10. From then on it was into pure profit. "Disaster Movie" will certainly make even more money overseas. On those terms alone "Disaster Movie" alone is a successful movie.

I paid money to see this dreck. (Well, kind of. I have a pass that, for a monthly fee, allows me to see unlimited movies at a particular cinema chain.) You may have paid money to see "Disaster Movie" as well, and so you should. No pirate DVD's here, thank you very much. We are responsible for potentially more rubbish like "Disaster Movie" being inflicted on the world. I apologize deeply and humbly. I hope you do to.

"Disaster Movie" is almost totally awful. (Almost totally awful? OK. I admit that for a microsecond a slight smile played across my lips at one of the "Juno" jokes, but that could just have easily been a small belch.) "Disaster Movie" is a terrible movie. A piece of cinematic poo. A textbook case of how not to make a comedy in the Noughties.

Magnificently unfunny. Obvious, witless, stupid, crass, vile and so very, very bad. Not bad in a good way. Bad in a bad way. There was definitely a whiff of death coming from that screening. People left the cinema dazed and in shock. I saw a man who looked like he had eaten his own tongue in horror at what he had just seen. When I got home after seeing "Disaster Movie", I rushed into the shower to wash off the smell. Jennifer noticed it. She said to me, "Have you just seen 'Disaster Movie'?"

Amazingly "Disaster Movie" is worse than "Meet The Spartans" and worse than "Superhero Movie". At least the latter had Pamela Anderson in a Fantastic Four outfit.

I would say that sometimes it is worthwhile seeing a real stinker of a movie, because that can help you appreciate the gems even more. I cannot say that seeing this movie would serve even that purpose.

If you have to see "Disaster Movie", wait for it to appear, for free, on the television. Trust me. It's not worth the effort.

I didn't make it here last night because I was busy... Er... watching TV.

But I was also finishing reading "Endymion" by Dan Simmons! Very good book, but also a very long book. I was glad to finally finish it. It seems like I have been reading "Endymion" forever. There is only one book left now for me to read in the "Hyperion Cantos" and that is "The Rise Of Endymion". I intend to start that next week. I normally read for half an hour every morning before leaving for work, but this week I am rising at 5am and leaving at 6am. No time to read.

After "The Rise Of Endymion" I am going to read something short. Then I intend to finish Philip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy. Got to be done. Jennifer and I have booked to see the stage adaptation of "His Dark Materials" at the Birmingham Rep in March next year. In my opinion it is never a good idea to see an adaptation of a novel, or a series of novels, directly after reading the source material. It is always best to leave some distance. I remember seeing the movie of "L. A. Confidential" a week after I had finished the book and thinking that the movie was absolutely dreadful. Of course it wasn't. It took another viewing of "L. A. Confidential" a year or two later to get me to change my mind.

At work, today, I was on a customer care course. Everybody in The Company is going on the same course. I last did a customer care course 20 odd years ago and found it very useful. No, really I did. That course was full of very practical tips. Obvious stuff like making sure you have a pad and a pen on your desk at all time to jot down notes, and also to identify yourself and/or your department when you answer the phone. You would be amazed at the people I know who always scramble for a pen and paper and how many of them just say 'Hello?' when they answer the phone.

The new course was much more to do with the psychological aspects of customer care. Aggressive, assertive and passive customers, and the different ways to deal with them. High loyalty, low loyalty, high satisfaction, low satisfaction customers, and the ways that they can move between the different parts of loyalty/satisfaction grid. Maybe some people thought it par for the course, but I thought it was fascinating stuff.

There was one exercise when a group of people were told to talk to each other about 'holidays'. After 30 seconds an Outsider was to try to join in with the conversation and the group had to ignore them for 5 minutes, before allowing the Outsider to join the conversation. An observer (the lecturer) would make notes on how the group coped with ignoring the Outsider, how the Outsider tried to impose themselves on the conversation and how they reacted when finally being allowed into the conversation.

Interestingly enough, I managed to ignore the Outsider completely. He wasn't even there, as far as I was concerned. The lecturer said that this was unusual. I told this to Jennifer. She said that it was not unusual at all, because any one of the Cornelius clan could have managed it. She said that when we get together we all talk over each other, interrupt each other, none of us are listening to each other and that none of us care a fig about the opinion of anybody else.

Gulp! Am I really like that?

Yes, I suppose that I am. Thank God for the Blog. Nobody to interrupt me.

The other fun thing was the presence on the course of a new girl (a beautiful, stunning, sexy girl) from the marketing department, who was wearing the thinnest and lowest cut blouse I have ever seen. The poor child looked like she was about to freeze to death. I hope that she didn't catch a chill. It would be a waste.

Boobs are very distracting for poor blokes, you know? What was I supposed to do? Not look? At least I didn't drool. Dignity at all times. Dignity.

I have more films to write about, but not now. "Lost In Austen" starts at 9pm. For a light chick comedy, I think that it is hilarious, especially the performance of Hugh Bonneville as Mr. Bennett. Wednesday night period comedies? Shit! Jennifer has obviously brainwashed me.