It is New Year's Eve. For the want of anything else to do, except to watch "Event Horizon" for the upteenth time, I think it is time to list my favourite 10 films of the year.

Here we go. In no particular order, they are...

1. Dean Spanley (Dir. Toa Fraser)
2. Redbelt (Dir. David Mamet)
3. Eden Lake (Dir. James Watkins)
4. Elegy (Dir. Isabel Coixet)
5. The Mist (Dir. Frank Darabont)
6. Gone Baby Gone (Dir. Ben Affleck)
7. El Orfanato (Dir. Juan Antonio Bayona)
8. 4 Luni, 3 Saptamâni Si 2 Zile (Dir. Cristian Mungiu)
9. Before The Devil Knows You're Dead (Dir. Sidney Lumet)
10. The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford (Dir. Andrew Dominik)

And now, an announcement.

I think I have had enough. Of the blog, that is. I have been thinking about doing this for some time, and in the best tradition of the drama queen, the big gesture at the end of the year is the way to go about it.

It must be obvious to everybody (or maybe it isn't?) that lately I have been finding it a struggle to sit down every day to write something. It has become a chore and bore. I don't think that I want to do it anymore. (That nearly rhymes.) What I am going to do is to pull up the shutters and become a private person again.

Yes, I think that is what I want to do. For the moment, anyway.

So this is goodbye, at least as regards the blog. I have setup a forward on my email. If anybody wants to contact me, they can. I will still check other blogs. I am still interested in what everybody is up to.

Happy New Year, all.

And remember

"We all invent ourselves".

Jennifer arrived, she hung around on Monday and then she departed today. She has headed back down South, to support her cousin in her cousin's time of need, navigating the nightmare of bureaucracy that gathers when somebody dies, especially over a holiday period when all of the people you really want to talk to are not at work. I don't suppose that Jennifer's Boss is very happy at her absence at this busy time of the year, but... Hey! Fuck him! Family comes first. Always.

So, the Festive season in residence-chez-Cornelius has been officially cancelled, until at least the second week in January. Jennifer is not due back until the 9th or the 10th. I am on my own for New Year, as I was for Christmas.

I know that there are good reasons for this. I know that Jennifer had to be somewhere else, but I feel that we have been cheated. After the quick London trip, and then the original pre-bereavement visit to her cousin, Jennifer was supposed to come back home. Then we were going to have our Christmas. But it was going to be more than just Christmas. It was going to be a time to build fences, to talk and to find out what has been going wrong.

Not to be. I am mightily pissed off about it and I feel like a right, royal shit for feeling pissed off. Somebody has died and other people's feelings need to come first.

Yesterday I was at the bus stop at an outrageously early hour (I have not been sleeping very well), when I was engaged in conversation by an old lady wearing a funky purple hat. She talked, with great enthusiasm, about Jesus Christ, God, the meaning of Christmas and how the empty life of a person can be filled and enriched by that person accepting the love of the Lord.

I nodded. I was polite. I was not rude to this (apparently) nice old lady. If anything, I admired her conviction. Faith in something outside of yourself is a wonderful thing, but I do not have any faith. I do not believe in anything.

Actually, that is not true. I believe that everything happens for a reason, even if the reason is not immediately apparent. The rest of the time, the only thing that makes a difference is the will of a person to make a difference.

Too much time on my own, but Jennifer returns to Birmingham this afternoon. I am looking forward to seeing her.

I found out why Jennifer needed to have her Boss' mobile phone number.

Jennifer has been spending Christmas with her cousin and her cousin's husband, Len. Len had been ill for some time. He had been in and out of hospital for months. Heart problems. On Christmas Eve his problems came to an end. He died.

Jennifer wanted her Boss' mobile phone number because she might have to take a couple of extra days holiday at short notice.

Len was a sound guy. He was a good man. A serious and a proud man. A different generation. He fought in World War 2 and was one of the soldiers that liberated the Nazi concentration camps. He told me the story of when he saw a British colonel handing a gun to one of the Jewish prisoners and telling him to kill one of the 'bastards'. The prisoner was too weak to lift the gun. The 'bastard' lived. Len told me that after seeing the camp that day, the incinerators and the piles of dead bodies, his faith in a kind and just God died and never returned.

RIP Len. I hope if there is a better place beyond this, you have gone there.

I didn't catch up with my Brother. By the time "Transporter 3" (it was a piece of shit, but it had it's moments) had finished, and I got to The Square Peg at 20:10, my Brother was gone. I phoned him up. He had been drinking since midday and sounded like it. He had left the pub at 20:00.

I was a bit annoyed. I had told him that I was going to see a film first. Never mind. I won't hold it against him and I will not mention it. I will be going to my Mom's, in a couple of hours, so I will see him then.

So, instead of a night of debauchery I

1. Went home.
2. Read newspapers.
3. Watched the final episode of Mark Gattiss' fine series of ghost stories, "Crooked House".
4. Watched a carol concert.
5. Listened to some music.
6. Went to bed at 1am.

I was up this morning at 6am. I couldn't sleep. I had a bacon sandwich and a cup of tea and watched "Venus" starring Peter O'Toole and Jodie Whitaker. A brilliant, touching movie.

Jennifer just called. She wished me a Happy Christmas and asked if I had her Boss' mobile phone number.

Right...

Have a good Christmas Day, all.

Is it me, or has Christmas become disgusting? Or is it just the people.

I have done some shopping. Most of the shops will only be closed for two days, but I have seen people acting like it is the the end of the world. Trolleys being pushed, loaded high with food. People racing around supermarkets, lists in hand, faces sweaty and panicky. Pushing, pulling, grabbing cranberry sauce, sausage rolls, pickled onions, bread, milk, volauvent's, ice cream, stuffing, chips, crisps, vegetables, booze, booze, booze and cigarettes. It's like "Mad Max 2" in the aisles.

I have not been immune. I have caviar in my fridge. Fucking caviar! When do we eat caviar? Never, except at Christmas. Over Christmas Jennifer sometimes likes to have for breakfast, toast spread with Philadelphia with smoked salmon and caviar on top. It's nice, really is, but it is expensive.

I have spent a stupid amount of money of food and presents. None of it matters. Can you remember what you had for Christmas last year? I cannot. Really, I cannot.

Maybe it is me. I am indifferent to Christmas this year. Too much has gone down. 2008 has been too shit. I am tired. I am fed up. I am all alone. (What's that noise? The world's smallest violin playing just for me.) There was a choice. I could have gone South with Jennifer to her folks, but... No.

No.

I miss Jennifer.

I have tried to cheer myself up. I tried to get a ticket for "It's A Wonderful Life" at The Electric, this evening, but it is sold out. I will still go out this evening. I will see something at the cinema. Afterwards, I might even take my Brother up on his offer to have a drink with him and his mates. He made the offer at the Ocean Colour Scene gig on Monday night. He makes these offers all of the time, never thinking I will take him up on them, but I might this evening.

Christmas, eh? A happy one to you. I mean it, as well.

Long time, no speak.

We have been in London. We saw a musical and a play with music. (They are different things.) We had breakfast at a greasy spoon (which was fantastic) and in the evening ate at a Moroccan restaurant. Jennifer went insane with her credit card at Fortnum's and Mason's and several other fine shopping establishments.

I am now home. Jennifer is down South somewhere. She phoned me on Sunday night, but I have not heard from her since. It is the way it goes.

There you go. I have caught up. I do not feel like writing about any of it in any detail. It is becoming a patten, this 'not writing' thing. Too much of a chore. Too much like work. I hate feeling obligated to do something, or am I just a lazy sod?

Anyway...

Is it time for a Shuffleathon 2008 review? I think that it might be.

Mr. Astronaut did not name the CD, so I have named it myself.

"The J Album".

Why, you may ask, "The J Album"?

Ah... Well, there is a concept. The name of every single artist on the CD begins with the letter 'J'. I think that it is a great idea. It is a concept. I like concepts. I liked even more the idea of including short snatches of movie dialogue between some of the tracks. I wish I had thought of it first.

Bastard.

Let's begin.

"Don't Bring Me Down" by J Church.

I have never heard of this band, but the song is only too familiar. The song comes from E.L.O.'s album "Discovery", released in 1979, and was released as a single by E.L.O. the same year. I have always felt that Jeff Lynne is one of the most underrated of pop songwriters, even if I would never have admitted to liking his work during the height of the punk wars.

As for this version of "Don't Bring Me Down", it is a nice opening track, but it not my favourite track on the CD.

"Desdemona" by John's Children.

John's Children were one of the many moddy, poppy, druggy bands you could have seen for a quid at the Marquee at the tail end of 1966. I imagine that they would have been completely forgotten by pop historians by now if it wasn't for the fact that for a short period Marc Bolan, prior to his enduring fame with T-Rex, was part of the group. He wrote this song and it is clearly his distinctive warble on backing vocals.

I think this is a great track. I love it.

"My CD" by Jackie Chan.

The first bit of movie dialogue. Jackie Chan from... I think... "Rush Hour". (Now, that was a shit movie.)

"The Harder They Come" by Jimmy Cliff.

This is a classic. If you do not know this song, shame on you. Very evocative of being a kid in Birmingham in the late seventies. Radios in every classroom blaring out reggae or punk rock. Nothing else. Weirdly enough, only last weekend I was watching a clip of Jimmy Cliff on the Jools Holland's Later show performing "Many Rivers To Cross". Jimmy Cliff is an old man now, but he was still electrifying.

"I'm Sorry To Interrupt" by Joan Cusack.

Another movie clip. Joan Cusack from... "School Of Rock"? I didn't much like that film either. This fact surprises almost everyone that I meet.

"I've Been Everywhere" by Johnny Cash.

I went to see "Walk The Line" and enjoyed it very much. Before that movie I knew very little about Johnny Cash and I said so. I also mentioned casually, on the blog, that I did not own any of Johnny Cash's music and that I really should get my ass in gear and go out to buy some. The fine gent Swiss Toni saved me the bother. He sent me a disc full of Johnny Cash tracks.

I like this song just fine, but to me Johnny Cash's music was so much better when he was being grave and serious. He was never supposed to be happy. At least not on record.

"Stupid Children" by James Coburn.

Another movie clip. No idea where this comes from. Maybe "The Magnificent Seven"?

"Fat Children" by Jarvis Cocker.

I saw first saw Pulp in 1994 supporting Blur and again in 1995 on their own tour. I think that they went a bit off the boil after that. I haven't taken a lot of notice of Jarvis Cocker's 'comeback', but these days I think I enjoy him more as a personality rather than as a musician.

This is OK. Peculiarly dated when you consider that it would have been released this year/last year. A semi punk/new wave thrash. It starts. It ends. It's OK. I didn't turn it off.

"None Shall Escape The Judgement" by Johnny Clarke.

A reggae groove. Very nice. Faintly religious lyrics. I liked it a great deal.

"Day My Pad Went Mad" by John Cooper Clarke.

Until I heard this track I had no idea that John Cooper Clarke had recorded anything with a backing track. Then again, I know very little about John Cooper Clarke, full stop. I think I last heard him on the radio on John Peel's show, circa 1979.

I think that this is OK. Not really my cup of tea.

"All My Friends" by John Cale.

I think that this is an outstanding. A great old school new wave track. Relentless, churning guitar riff, clever lyrics. It builds and grows and accelerates over 7 minutes. Really very, very good. I really should investigate John Cale a little bit more. I don't think I know any of his work other than as the bass player in the Velvet Underground and producer of Squeeze's first album.

"Cut Class" by John Candy.

Movie clip. Absolutely no idea where this comes from. "The Great Outdoors"?

"Pirate Jenny" by Judy Collins.

I think this is from "The Threepenny Opera". If I am right that makes it a massive two songs I know from that musical (the other being "Mack The Knife").

Extremely peculiar song about pirates, black freighters, murder and revenge. Beautifully sung. Every single word is clearly enunciated. I like that in a song. Excellent track.

"These Ain't Raindrops" by James Carr.

I am assuming that this is the same James Carr who recorded the classic soul track "The Dark End Of The Street". This song is not a patch on that one, but it is good track, and the guy sings it with such passion. When the mood strikes me, I really like soul music.

"There's A Tiny Door" by John Cusack.

Clip from "Being John Malkovich". Good film. I wonder, if Spike Jonze had not been able to get John Malkovich's co-operation in that movie, and he still made the movie, who would he have gone with? Jack Nicholson? Clint Eastwood? Woody Allen? I don't think it would have mattered a jot who he chose. It still would have worked.

"Drag" by Justin Clayton.

This did not make any impression on me whatsoever. I listened to it a couple of times to make sure. Sorry. Sounds like a song Radiohead gave away because it sounded too much like "Freak".

"Magnolia" by J. J. Cale.

Quiet, gentle, laid back, undemanding... country music? I am terrible at putting labels on music. Not awe inspiring, but a nice song and performance.

"Safe Surfer" by Julian Cope.

I have seen Julian Cope live a couple of times. I do not think he ever performed this song any time I saw him. This song is not one of my favourites, but Cope is a great talent. What is he doing these days? I don't know. Last I heard he had just completed a lecture tour about standing stones. Nice one. He walks his own path, that man.

"What are you gonna do?" by James Caan.

What's this from? Maybe "The Godfather"? No. "Mickey Blue Eyes"? I don't know.

"People Who Died" by Jim Carroll Band.

I remember watching The Jim Carroll Band perform this song on "The Old Grey Whistle Test" years ago. These days I think that it skirts perilously close to punk parody, but it it still a great slice of New York, New Wave. Leonardo Di Caprio played Jim Carroll in the movie "The Basketball Diaries". I still think it is the best performance that Di Caprio has ever given, bar none.

"Call It Off" by Jim Carrey.

From "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind", methinks. If I am wrong, I am suitably ashamed. I really like Jim Carrey, even when he chooses to appear in terrible films, which "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind" certainly is not.

"Part 1 - Acknowledgement" by John Coltrane.

I am afraid that this track is wasted on me. I try very hard not to close my ears to anything, but I have never listened seriously to Jazz, nor ever purchased any Jazz. I cannot claim to understand it. Great drumming, though.

"Falling" by Julee Cruise.

The theme tune to "Twin Peaks", which was a TV series I adored, even when it became apparent that David Lynch was making the whole thing up as he went along.

I love this song. Shimmering and atmospheric. When I heard it I could just picture the waterfall during the opening credits of "Twin Peaks". Marvellous stuff. Once I nearly saw Julee Cruise live when she was touring as Cindy Wilson's replacement in The B52's. I didn't see her, because I didn't go. Shame.

"Thank You" by James Cagney.

Last movie clip. "Yankee Doodle Dandy"?

Phew! Done.