I didn't make it here last night because I was busy... Er... watching TV.

But I was also finishing reading "Endymion" by Dan Simmons! Very good book, but also a very long book. I was glad to finally finish it. It seems like I have been reading "Endymion" forever. There is only one book left now for me to read in the "Hyperion Cantos" and that is "The Rise Of Endymion". I intend to start that next week. I normally read for half an hour every morning before leaving for work, but this week I am rising at 5am and leaving at 6am. No time to read.

After "The Rise Of Endymion" I am going to read something short. Then I intend to finish Philip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy. Got to be done. Jennifer and I have booked to see the stage adaptation of "His Dark Materials" at the Birmingham Rep in March next year. In my opinion it is never a good idea to see an adaptation of a novel, or a series of novels, directly after reading the source material. It is always best to leave some distance. I remember seeing the movie of "L. A. Confidential" a week after I had finished the book and thinking that the movie was absolutely dreadful. Of course it wasn't. It took another viewing of "L. A. Confidential" a year or two later to get me to change my mind.

At work, today, I was on a customer care course. Everybody in The Company is going on the same course. I last did a customer care course 20 odd years ago and found it very useful. No, really I did. That course was full of very practical tips. Obvious stuff like making sure you have a pad and a pen on your desk at all time to jot down notes, and also to identify yourself and/or your department when you answer the phone. You would be amazed at the people I know who always scramble for a pen and paper and how many of them just say 'Hello?' when they answer the phone.

The new course was much more to do with the psychological aspects of customer care. Aggressive, assertive and passive customers, and the different ways to deal with them. High loyalty, low loyalty, high satisfaction, low satisfaction customers, and the ways that they can move between the different parts of loyalty/satisfaction grid. Maybe some people thought it par for the course, but I thought it was fascinating stuff.

There was one exercise when a group of people were told to talk to each other about 'holidays'. After 30 seconds an Outsider was to try to join in with the conversation and the group had to ignore them for 5 minutes, before allowing the Outsider to join the conversation. An observer (the lecturer) would make notes on how the group coped with ignoring the Outsider, how the Outsider tried to impose themselves on the conversation and how they reacted when finally being allowed into the conversation.

Interestingly enough, I managed to ignore the Outsider completely. He wasn't even there, as far as I was concerned. The lecturer said that this was unusual. I told this to Jennifer. She said that it was not unusual at all, because any one of the Cornelius clan could have managed it. She said that when we get together we all talk over each other, interrupt each other, none of us are listening to each other and that none of us care a fig about the opinion of anybody else.

Gulp! Am I really like that?

Yes, I suppose that I am. Thank God for the Blog. Nobody to interrupt me.

The other fun thing was the presence on the course of a new girl (a beautiful, stunning, sexy girl) from the marketing department, who was wearing the thinnest and lowest cut blouse I have ever seen. The poor child looked like she was about to freeze to death. I hope that she didn't catch a chill. It would be a waste.

Boobs are very distracting for poor blokes, you know? What was I supposed to do? Not look? At least I didn't drool. Dignity at all times. Dignity.

I have more films to write about, but not now. "Lost In Austen" starts at 9pm. For a light chick comedy, I think that it is hilarious, especially the performance of Hugh Bonneville as Mr. Bennett. Wednesday night period comedies? Shit! Jennifer has obviously brainwashed me.

I have finally finished reading Dan Simmons "The Fall Of Hyperion". Very good book. It has taken a long time to complete, but that is because I only read for half an hour in the mornings, after the shower and before I get dressed. It works for me.

Next up will be "Endymion" and "The Rise Of Endymion". The plan for this year seems to be to read 'series' of books in order, with the odd unconnected book in between. This way I hope to finally finish Philip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" series and Stephen King's "The Dark Tower" series before the end of the year. Such long books, though.

I have seen two movies this weekend: "Gone Baby Gone" and "Superhero Movie".

First up, "Gone Baby Gone".



May I start by saying that I quite like Ben Affleck. Sorry, but there was a real need to write that. I will explain.

Of late Ben Affleck has been on the promotion circuit in the UK. After many delays "Gone Baby Gone" has finally gotten itself a UK cinema release. It has been interesting to observe that in literally every single interview with the man, there has been a comment on the supposed antipathy of film critics towards Ben Affleck as an actor.

Well, I certainly wouldn't consider Ben Affleck to be the greatest actor of his generation. He is not even the greatest movie star of his generation, which, of course, has got nothing to do with acting ability. This, as I see it, puts Ben Affleck into the same category as 99% of the actors working today, and those people do not get the same level of criticism.

Who to blame? The tabloids? The fame game? The fact that for a period of time Ben was in love with J-Lo?

Oh, dear. Give the guy a break, will you, please?

So, then. Ben's directorial debut. Will the critics like him more as a debutant Director? Is "Gone Baby Gone" worth a look?

Oh, yes. You just might say that.

"Gone Baby Gone" is, perhaps, not as completely assured a Lehane adaptation as Clint Eastwood's "Mystic River" (the revelatory final 40 minutes maybe could have been paced a little better), but it is frequently a very good and sometimes great movie. Casey Affleck proves that his breakthrough in "The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford" was no flash in the pan. His baby faced, quiet and introspective private investigator, with a streak of street wise steel running through him, is just a brilliant piece of work. Definitely one of the performances of the year. Casey Affleck is the pivot around which "Gone Baby Gone" turns. He is rarely off screen and easily holds his own against great turns by Ed Harris, Morgan Freeman and the Oscar nominated Amy Ryan. Only Michelle Monaghan is a tad underused as Casey Affleck's sidekick/girlfriend, although she does have a great couple of scenes towards the end.

"Gone Baby Gone" is much more than just a private investigator/mystery/thriller. It is a throwback to one of those great Robert Altman and Arthur Penn movies of the 1970's. Downbeat, naturalistic, subdued, bleak, with an almost documentary feel. Real streets and real people, not film sets and actors playing it downtrodden and dirty. "Gone Baby Gone" swims deeply in some very murky and morally dubious waters. This is the question: How prepared are you to do the correct thing, when it is not necessarily the right thing?

What would you have done when faced with the question posed to Casey Affleck at the end of the film? Do you lose your soul or do you lose your conscience?

See it. "Gone Baby Gone" is one of the best films of the year. I cannot recommend it enough.

Next up, the remarkable "Superhero Movie".



Yes. I did say remarkable. Remarkable for all of the wrong reasons. I had assumed, for good reasons, that the worst movie I would see at the cinema this year would be "Meet The Spartans". How completely wrong that prediction has turned out to be.

"Superhero Movie" is truly a piece of poo. A terrible, awful, abomination of a movie. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to pluck out my eyes. I wanted to throw myself off a tall building. I wanted to fight the group of lads sitting a few rows in front of me, because they were laughing at this lamentable piece of rubbish. I wanted to give up going to the movies. I wanted to join a monastery and dedicate my life to basket weaving and caring for lepers.

I like stupid, but "Superhero Movie" is just not funny, guy. Basically it is a remake of "Spider-Man" with fart and poo jokes, and the odd nod to other Superhero universes. Cheap and nasty and... Er... poo like.

(Da da da daaaaaa!) Hang on! There is a good bit.

Pamela Anderson filled the outfit of the Fantastic Four's Invisible Girl a damn sight more spectacularly than Jessica Alba ever did. A shame then that Pammy is only in the movie for about 30 seconds. In fact, much respect to Pammy's costume designer. Pammy's costume was a miracle of industrial engineering. I shudder to think of the gravitational pressures that had to be overcome when that costume was being built. If they had miscalculated, all hell could have broken loose and somebody could have died.

"Superhero Movie" is a very bad film. See it and weep.

Eagle eyed readers will note from my sidebar that I have finally finished re-reading Dan Simmons "Hyperion", and that I have started re-reading the follow up "The Fall Of Hyperion". That makes my current reading schedule for 2008 four books in four months. Phew! That is a white hot reading rate, I must say.

Totally coincidentally, I recently read here on the Empire Online website of plans afoot to make a single movie of "Hyperion" and "The Fall Of Hyperion".

Er... No. I don't think so.

I like movies and I like books so, of course, I will be interested in seeing a movie adaptation of a favourite book. Sure I will. Even if I think that the book is unfilmable. Surprise me. Prove me wrong. Please. (I am currently waiting for Zack Snyder's movie adaptation of Alan Moore's "Watchmen". I have high hopes. Sadly "Watchmen" is not due out until 3rd March 2009. Bastards!)

But not "Hyperion" and "The Fall Of Hyperion". Please, no. Too big, too detailed, too complex and too subtle for a single movie. In fact, when they get in contact with me to ask what I think, I will tell them that the very idea is fucking ridiculous.

What did I promise once about never criticising a movie until I have seen it? Er...

I will go to see the movie if it is made. I have great doubts that the movie will ever happen, but I suppose they said the same about the "Lord Of The Rings" trilogy.

To end this fine Friday, a Me Me Me, nicked from Life On Planet Me.

What's your favourite word in the English Language?
Preambulation.

When did you last pay to go see a movie?
Last Sunday. I went to see "Happy-Go-Lucky".

Whats the worst smell in the world?
Cheese.

What was the first prize you ever won?
First prize in a Reading Aloud competition. 1972. I was 9. I only won because I have a big gob.

Have you ever had a supernatural experience?
In times of stress my Dad visits me in my dreams. True.

Whats your Karaoke song of choice?
"Jumping Jack Flash" by da Stones, but I haven't done that for a while.

How much is a pint of milk?
No idea. The milk is always bundled in with other things. I would estimate about a quid thirty?

Whats the worst thing you've ever put in your mouth?
I once went into the kitchen and there was a puddle on the floor. It looked like orange juice, so I dipped a finger in it and tasted. It wasn't orange juice. I can still hear Ben the Cat laughing.

Who is the best James Bond?
Michael Jayston in the radio adaptation of "You Only Live Twice".

When were you last star struck?
It was a very, very big deal to me getting George Lazenby's autograph. A lovely, nice man. Old school gentleman.

Whats your favourite joke?
I don't know about favourite, but this is a recent joke I came across.

An American golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.

Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.

"Arrgh! What happened?", the Leprechaun asked.

"I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer says.

"Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?"

"Thank God, you're all right!", the golfer answers in relief. "I don't want anything. I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize."

And the golfer walks off.

"What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself. "I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... A great golf game, all the money he ever needs and a fantastic sex life."

A year goes by (as it does in stories like this) and the American golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.

"T'was me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?"

"My game is fantastic!", the golfer answers. "I'm a famous golfer now."

He adds, "By the way, it's good to see you're doing all right."

"Oh, I'm fine now, thankye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?"

"Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states. "When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out the exact amount every time. I didn't even know it were there!"

"I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?"

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, "It's OK."

"C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?"

Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, "Once, sometimes twice a week."

"What??" responds the Leprechaun in shock. "That's all? Only once or twice a week?"

"Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."