A CD has arrived, which I will give a good listen to and post a review of later in the week.

We have purchased a Blu-Ray player (which is fab) and three discs ("Iron Man", "The Mist" and "Horton Hears A Who") to play on it.

Ruth Lorenzo, who was the best looking woman left on "The X-Factor" this year, and not a bad singer either, has been voted off. Shame.



I am waiting for Jennifer to finish drying her hair so that we can go to Sister 3's. When we get there Sister 3, who used to be a hairdresser, will be colouring Jennifer's hair. We are only an hour late. We were supposed to leave the house at 9:10. Ce sera sera.

That is all.

Let's have another film review. Not the one I was going to write but, hey, does it really matter?

I also still need to write about Leonard Cohen at the LG arena, even though I will not be able to write anything as good as this review of the man at the O2 over at my friend Mr. Planet's place.

Er... Here we go.

"Burn After Reading".




I have a strange and disturbing relationship with movies made by the Coen brothers. More often than not I will go to see one of their films at the cinema, dislike it intensely, dismiss it and then months or years later, after re watching it on DVD or TV, discover that it is actually a little masterpiece. It happened with "The Big Lebowski" and "Fargo". It didn't happen with "The Ladykillers" and "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" (I hated them both) or "No Country For Old Men" and "The Man Who Wasn't There" (I loved them from the start).

I wasn't even going to bother to see "Burn After Reading". No particular reason. I just didn't fancy it. A lot of A-listers acting dumb in a clever-clever movie? Nah. Thanks, but no thanks. It was only a 'I've-missed-the-bus-what-else-is-on-at-the-cinema?' scenario that led me to deciding that it might be worth a look.

I am so glad that I did. I thought that "Burn After Reading" was kind of wonderful. Farce is a very difficult thing to pull off, but with "Burn After Reading" the Coen Brothers manage it with aplomb. I thought it was a very funny film.

I think the key to the success of "Burn After Reading" was down to the way that the Coen Brothers cast every single role perfectly, openly utilising the common public personas of their very strong cast. Frances McDormand is kooky. Brad Pitt is a himbo. John Malkovich is strange. Tilda Swinton is an ice queen. J. K. Simmons is gruff. George Clooney is... what else? A ladies man. (George Clooney, in fact, is truly superb and has never been funnier.)

Of course the plot is guff. Some nonsense about spies, secrets, infidelity, misunderstandings and sudden death (very surprising that bit). Maybe the Coens should have called it "Spy Farce"? Actually, that would have been a pretty good title.

"Burn After Reading" is good. It is very good. Enjoy.

This evening I got sidetracked by literally everything. Sometimes that is the way it goes.

Hi kids!

I'm back baby!

Er... Gotta go again, but a few things first.

We survived the crisis with the DVD player self destructing at the weekend and will be purchasing a Blu Ray machine next weekend.

(Credit crunch? What credit crunch?)

So, re. this weeks desktop, I got to thinking of what my first Blu Ray purchase might be? Ah... Maybe a film all about this guy.



I loved "Iron Man". One 0f my favourite films of the year.

I once saw a Blu Ray player being demoed in an electronics shop in town and the disk they were using for the test was "Iron Man". It looked just fab.

It was a busy weekend. On Saturday night we went to see Leonard Cohen at the LG Arena and on Sunday I went to see the movie "Choke". I enjoyed both immensely and will write about them next time.

The DVD player has blown up!

Recent activities, chez Cornelius.

Tuesday evening I finally watched "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix". I thought that it was OK. Maybe a bit complicated and slow for children, but much better than "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire". That film bored me to tears.

Jennifer and I watched most of "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" together. All the way through it she was tutting and muttering and scowling. This had been changed from the book, that didn't happen to that character, etc. Eventually I ordered her from the room.

I suppose I will be the same once "Watchmen" comes out. There are dark rumours that the ending has been altered.

Sacrilege.

**

Wednesday evening I watched the Germany versus England friendly. Frankly, Germany were lackluster, but England were still great, especially Shaun Wright-Phillips who I thought had an awesome game. It was really nice to see all of the Villa boys in the squad get a kick as well. Big howler by John Terry/Scott Carson, though. Will Scott Carson get another chance to play with the big boys? Maybe, but I cannot see it happen soon, except in exceptional circumstances. Capello seems to be a bit unforgiving. Poor bastard.

"Zack and Miri Make a Porno".



7.9/10 on IMDB's user rating? Are you kidding? I think you must be.

It makes me very sad to say this, because I have generally been a big Kevin Smith fan, but I thought that "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" was a bit disappointing.

Definitely not as good as "Clerks", "Chasing Amy" or "Dogma". In fact, scratch that. "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" is not as good as any previous Kevin Smith film. The script is not as funny, the performances are not as assured and I did not warm to the characters as much. Kevin Smith by numbers, I'm afraid. "Star Wars" gags? Check. Sex talk? Check. Pop culture references? Check. Jay and Silent Bob? Er... OK. Fair enough. No Jay and Silent Bob (it would have been a better film if they had been in it), but I kept thinking to myself that maybe it is time for Kevin Smith to change the record.

"Zack and Miri Make a Porno" is not totally terrible. It is funny, and it does have some great moments, just not enough of them. Elizabeth Banks is sweet. Jason Mewes is funny. So is porn star Katie Morgan. Justin Long and Brandon Routh are really funny in their little cameo. Seth Rogan is... Seth Rogan. If you like him, you will like him in "Zack and Miri Make A Porno", if you don't like him, you won't. Traci Lords seems to have come to terms with her porn past. Interesting, that.

"Zack and Miri Make a Porno" just made me want to shrug my shoulders. Yeah, whatever. Was that it?

Kevin Smith's worst film, but it is OK.

**

This weeks desktop.



Reg Varney, of course. He died yesterday at the age of 92.

I would never claim that "On The Buses" was a great British sitcom, because it certainly wasn't, but it ran for seven series, was incredibly popular and, along with other terrible sitcoms like "Love Thy Neighbour", "Bless This House" and "Man About The House", was typical of the politically incorrect humour that made us Brits laugh in the 1970's. Well... Some of us.

Interesting fact. The "On The Buses" movies were the most successful that Hammer Film Productions ever made, grossing more than myriad "Dracula", "Frankenstein" and "Mummy" movies. I'm bet you are glad you learnt that, aren't you?

"The Baader Meinhof Complex" or, properly, "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex".



Going into see "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex" I was filled with trepidation. This was a long German film, with subtitles, by a very serious Director, dealing with the potentially tortuous subject of politics, the radicalisation of students in the late 1960's and the myriad gangs, brigades and groups that came out of that period. Not knowing an awful lot about the German political scene of that time, I was worried that I would struggle to understand it all.

No worries on that front. It is a tribute to director Uli Edel and writer Bernd Eichinger that the story of the Baader-Meinholf gang was presented cleanly and clearly. I thought that "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex" was a beautifully constructed, visceral movie, with note perfect performances from the main leads: Moritz Bleibtreu's Andreas Baader - egotistical, irresponsible, charismatic and, let's be honest for a moment, a bit of a horse's ass; Martina Gedeck's Ulrike Meinhof - a faintly left leaning journalist, intelligent, thoughtful, introspective, somewhat seduced by the glamour of the 'movement' and Johanna Wokalek's Gudrun Ensslin - Baader's girlfriend, obsessed, twinkly eyed, dedicated and ruthless. All outstanding.

Interestingly, the movie does not judge. You see the position of the group, and of the authorities that battled them, equally. The quality of the movie and of the performances is such that that you do feel a degree of sympathy for the 'terrorists' as their plans fail, their members are picked off one by one and their mental state starts to unravel. You feel sympathy, despite the fact that they were bombers, kidnappers and murderers.

I do feel that "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex" was a tad too long. The second half of the movie, dealing with the incarceration of the senior members of the group, could possibly have been tighter, but I am just being picky. "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex" was an extremely good movie. I think that it is one of the best of the year.

(And shame on the two people who left after 5 minutes, no doubt distressed by the fact that they had accidentally paid to see a foreign film with - whisper it! - subtitles. The horror! I nearly called out to them that "High School Musical 3" was on next door and that maybe they should try that film instead. Very sad. They do not know what they missed.)

Fancy a film review?

Why not.

"The House Bunny".



Have you ever been to see a movie, where you hated everything about the movie, except for one little thing that made it worthwhile going to see? "The House Bunny" is one of those movies.

Don't get me wrong. "The House Bunny" is a rotten film. Skin crawlingly awful, in fact. A disaster, truly terrible and, in these times of the credit crunch, a dreadful waste of a Hollywood budget. "The House Bunny" is a cinematic turd of the highest degree. Bad performances by nearly everybody in the cast. Perfunctory plot. Predictable outcome. Nearly a total waste of time and effort.

Nearly?

Well, actually yes, because, amazingly, I thought that Anna Faris in the title role was really very funny. Trust me on this. She was as wide eyed, open, honest and naive as Amy Adams in "Enchanted", if, perhaps, not quite as innocent. I loved Anna Faris in "The House Bunny". Frankly, she made the movie.

Shame that the film is so bad. (And let's not even talk about the appalling version of "I Know What Boys Like" by Katherine McPhee. Have they no shame?)

Cold, dark and miserable. That was just me. Don't even get me started on the weather!

Last night I left work and was at the bus stop at 18:10. I waited an hour and 20 minutes for a bus that was supposed to run every half an hour. Being a great guy, I try never to abuse bus drivers when buses are late. It is hardly ever their fault and they will get enough nasty comments from other passengers without me adding to it. But, last night, I was spitting feathers when the bus finally did arrive.

I was polite to the driver, though.

'What happened to the two buses in front of you?'

'One of them broke down and one of the drivers did not turn up. Sorry.'

Ah... See. Not his fault, and at least he had the good grace to say 'Sorry'.

I was home at 20:05. All of my plans to spend the evening in front of the computer writing were ruined. To my shame, I gave up. I ordered way too much Chinese takeaway and found that I couldn't eat even half of it. I glowered at the television for an hour. I extended the heating, had a wank and went to bed.

Total bollocks. I refuse to let myself slip into a depression, born of Jennifer not being here (she is somewhere on the South Coast with her folks) and myself being incredibly pissed off about it. Tonight I reject giving up. Enough of that.

Let's get back to some kind of business as usual, shall we?

So... This weeks Desktop.

I bought a ticket at the weekend to see the Prodigy. The gig is next April at the Birmingham NIA. I like the Prodigy a great deal. Always have done. I have seen the Prodigy live on just the one occasion and enjoyed it tremendously. Not least because of the mental, absolutely bonkers audience, including a girl who attended the gig only wearing furry boots and a bikini in the colours of the American flag. Unusual, that. The gig was in the middle of December. Brummie girls have a strong constitution, methinks.

So, there could be no other desktop but...




Keith Flint. The Firestarter himself. Perhaps it is not the reaction he hopes to get, but I think he is hilarious.

I visited Sister 1 on Sunday to fiddle around on her computer. As is the way, I often pull up videos on You Tube to show to Niece 1 and she tells me what she thinks of them. I showed her "Firestarter" and "Breathe" by the Prodigy.

Niece 1's considered opinion was that videos/songs were 'Crap' and 'Something that my Mom would listen to'. Niece 1 is 11 years old.

Oh dear. I suddenly feel really old.

I was going to make a start on some film reviews, but that can wait for another day.

Some lyrics.

"Have you seen her come around?..."
"Follow this feeling..."
"... catching the sparks..."
"Come to me..."
"... tired of you..."
"... groovy..."
"... sugar bear..."
"Oh!..."
"... candy girl..."
"I've been to ancient worlds..."
"Marking the space between the days..."
"Love was in your eyes..."
"... scares me to death..."
"... pneumonia..."
"... no one is listening..."
"... joys of love are fleeting..."

Yes, the CD in the Swiss Toni Shuffleathon 2008 is ready and waiting to be dispatched to the (un)lucky recipient. As always, I have taken it all way too seriously.

16 tracks this year. More than normal. I normally draw a line at 12. Who want to bore a listener? There is even a concept involved, of a kind. A bit of a sad one.

Pretentious? Moi?

"Quantum Of Solace".



I have a theory about "Quantum Of Solace".

Marc Forster, who is a good art house Director ("Finding Neverland", "Monster's Ball", "The Kite Runner"), is signed to direct "Quantum Of Solace". Forster, who is very adept at directing performance based movies, quickly realises that he has no idea how to direct an action film. So, he researches, checking out some of the most successful action movies of the previous couple of years to get ideas and a feeling for tone, structure and look. Forster, finding his template, starts work.

"Quantum Of Solace" is Bond filtered via "The Bourne Ultimatum".

Now, don't get me wrong. I liked "Quantum Of Solace" just fine. Maybe it was a little pofaced and one-note throughout, and did not have the variation in plot of "Casino Royale", but I thought "Quantum Of Solace" was a good film. It started well and got better as it went along. It just did not feel like a Bond film. It felt like a Bourne film.

Scenes of intelligence mandarins tracking the action via high-tech surveillance. Bone crushing, close up, fight sequences. Super fast, adrenalised car chases. Sudden death. Blood. Dirt. Heroes and villains that really get hurt. The mental effect on a person of having to watch a person die. All classic Bourne.

Maybe all action films from a particular period do have a particular look and feel to them? I don't know. I will say that "Quantum Of Solace" does frequently achieve a kind of poetry of violence, especially in the 'Tosca' segment. "Quantum Of Solace" is refreshingly short, looks great and Daniel Craig is fantastic as the tormented, revenge driven Bond.

For me, though, the only truly traditional Bond moment was Bond's brief interlude with foxy Gemma Arterton's posh Agent Fields. Perhaps it was a tiny little hint of what the Daniel Craig/Bond persona might be like when/if he lightens up in future movies. Also, a nice little nod by the filmmakers back to a memorable exit in "Goldfinger". (Do you miss the daft names that Fleming used to give his female characters? Check out Agent Fields full name on IMDB. It will make you laugh. I did.)

I hope Daniel Craig makes another Bond film, but I hope that next time it is more Bond and less Bourne.

Today a tiny little dog gave me the evil eye. It was because I sat too close to his owner Mom on the bus.

One of these days I will finish writing about all of the movies I have seen since the last review I wrote ("Brideshead Revisited"), but not tonight.

The sidebar will be updated.

I have written this sentence many, many times.

I did intend to be here last night, but... (What excuse this time? Ah... I know!) my sleep patterns were fucked up after staying up to watch the US elections. (Good one, Jerry! Cheers!)

So, Barack Obama won.

Good for him. I hope he makes a difference. Of course that line doesn't mean a thing. George W. Bush also made a difference. War, death, instability, danger. Maybe Gore and Kerry would have been just as bad. Until we are able to pass into alternative realities and see how they got on, we will never know.

I am not going to piss on anybody's parade here, but Obama is not the chosen one, the messiah, Anakin Skywalker or Harry Potter. Obama is a politician. As such he will be pulled and pushed by the vested interests that supported him, as much as Bush ever was by the vested interests that supported him. Vested interests may not care about you or me or the right thing that should be done. It is the political game. It is the way it goes.

During the run up to the Carter-Reagan election of 1980, I remember reading a piece in one of the highbrow magazines. The gist of the piece was that whoever won the election, six months afterwards, a majority of people would wish that they had voted for the other guy. I suspect that this is what will happen this time.

I hope that Obama does good things, but am cynical enough to think that he may not.

For one day only, this weeks desktop.

This gentleman.



One day only because I will only be at work for the one day this week. Today, in fact. I am off for the rest of the week. Tomorrow, weather permitting, I will be painting the fence. Then, during the evening, Jennifer and I will be going to see "Quantum Of Solace" at The Electric. The rest of the week, who knows? Films, chores, whatever. I have a lot of stuff on the V+ box to watch.

Why Elton for this weeks desktop? No apologies, I liked 70's and some 80's Elton. Also, there is a particular Elton song, that has been a major ear worm for me in recent times, I intend to make the centerpiece of my entry in this years world famous Swiss Toni Shuffleathon. Or if not a centerpiece you might want to call it the 'end of side 1 track', if you are an old fogey still thinking in terms of vinyl.

Get involved. Read all about the Shuffeathon here. I am sure that Swiss will be glad to hear from you. He is one of the good guys.

**

The Stranglers at the Carling Academy, Birmingham. A couple of weeks ago.



Old punks never die. They just go on tour. Forever.

Actually, those punks are just the guys in the band. The other punks, the paying punters in the audience, just get old. They squeeze their pot bellies into tight jeans. They shave their heads to disguise their bald spots, or maybe indulge in a bit of a Bobby Charlton comb-over. (I went for the former.) They stick on T-shirt with a groovy logo. (Mine was a cybernetic skull T-shirt from Boxfresh. I looked 'ard.) They indulge in some low level pogoing. Much easier on tired legs and arthritic joints.

My people...

Jerry, you really must stop being such a cynic. You know how much you enjoyed The Stranglers.

Sure did.

Jet Black looks as old as the Himalayas, and is faintly mountain like, but is still the straightforward, down-the-line drummer he ever was. Dave Greenfield has the air of a bonkers chemistry teacher and can play a keyboard solo while downing a pint. Jean-Jacques Burnel is much fatter than the last time I saw him, but he still has a bass sound that could shake out your fillings. (Also, to these heterosexual eyes, he is still astoundingly sexy. If I had a daughter I wouldn't leave her anywhere near him.) As for Hugh Cornwall? Nowhere to be seen. He left long ago, around the time that The Stranglers stopped seriously troubling the charts. (Not that Hugh has exactly been a chart mainstay himself in the subsequent period since leaving The Stranglers.) Instead we had big, shaven headed Geordie Baz Warne, who is a really good guitarist and gave a good approximation of the Hugh Cornwell sneer.

I did enjoy the gig. It was billed as a greatest hits tour and greatest hits is what we got. All the way from the early New Wave classics like "Peaches", "Hanging Around" and "No More Heroes", to the later, more poppy, psychedelic songs like "Golden Brown", "Strange Little Girl" and "Always The Sun".

Well worth the effort of going to see them.

A word or two about the support act. Starbase 109.



They were the best Kraftwerk piss take I have ever seen. Maybe the only Kraftwerk piss take I have ever seen. As far away from what you would expect a support band at a punk gig to sound like as it is possible to get. I am just surprised they were not bottled off. Or shot. There were some rough people at that gig.

They were a band out of an 80's nightmare (or would that be 80's heaven? I suppose it is all down to who you are and what you groove to). Two guys on synthesizers, backed by a drum machine. Songs about vacuum cleaners, the Manchester metro, finding spiders in the bathroom (accompanied by one of the band waving a giant spider on a stick over the audience; the spider being totally destroyed by an audience member who got his hands on it) and androids.

They were brilliant. They were terrible. They were genius. They were bonkers. Maddest thing I have seen in ages. I would like to see them again.

This weeks desktop.



Thunderbird 2 and Virgil Tracy.

I once read a feature in a magazine listing the coolest television characters of all time. Virgil Tracy was in the top 50. Accompanying his entry was this very picture.

It is an interesting picture. Look carefully. See the expression of confidence on Virgil's face? The narrowed eyes. The slight cruelty in the lips, somehow tempered with humour. A macho man. A man's man. A seducer, totally at ease with himself and his sexuality. Note the left hand casually positioned on his hip. It is an almost effeminate stance, but Virgil pulls it off. Note the legs, slightly akimbo. What is he thinking? Look at my big ship, probably. I bet he had a big cock as well.

In my dreams I am as cool as Virgil Tracy.

(Forget watching the movie, except for Sophia Myles as Lady Penelope it is a piece of shit, but the television series is still genius.)