It is New Year's Eve. For the want of anything else to do, except to watch "Event Horizon" for the upteenth time, I think it is time to list my favourite 10 films of the year.

Here we go. In no particular order, they are...

1. Dean Spanley (Dir. Toa Fraser)
2. Redbelt (Dir. David Mamet)
3. Eden Lake (Dir. James Watkins)
4. Elegy (Dir. Isabel Coixet)
5. The Mist (Dir. Frank Darabont)
6. Gone Baby Gone (Dir. Ben Affleck)
7. El Orfanato (Dir. Juan Antonio Bayona)
8. 4 Luni, 3 Saptamâni Si 2 Zile (Dir. Cristian Mungiu)
9. Before The Devil Knows You're Dead (Dir. Sidney Lumet)
10. The Assassination Of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford (Dir. Andrew Dominik)

And now, an announcement.

I think I have had enough. Of the blog, that is. I have been thinking about doing this for some time, and in the best tradition of the drama queen, the big gesture at the end of the year is the way to go about it.

It must be obvious to everybody (or maybe it isn't?) that lately I have been finding it a struggle to sit down every day to write something. It has become a chore and bore. I don't think that I want to do it anymore. (That nearly rhymes.) What I am going to do is to pull up the shutters and become a private person again.

Yes, I think that is what I want to do. For the moment, anyway.

So this is goodbye, at least as regards the blog. I have setup a forward on my email. If anybody wants to contact me, they can. I will still check other blogs. I am still interested in what everybody is up to.

Happy New Year, all.

And remember

"We all invent ourselves".

Jennifer arrived, she hung around on Monday and then she departed today. She has headed back down South, to support her cousin in her cousin's time of need, navigating the nightmare of bureaucracy that gathers when somebody dies, especially over a holiday period when all of the people you really want to talk to are not at work. I don't suppose that Jennifer's Boss is very happy at her absence at this busy time of the year, but... Hey! Fuck him! Family comes first. Always.

So, the Festive season in residence-chez-Cornelius has been officially cancelled, until at least the second week in January. Jennifer is not due back until the 9th or the 10th. I am on my own for New Year, as I was for Christmas.

I know that there are good reasons for this. I know that Jennifer had to be somewhere else, but I feel that we have been cheated. After the quick London trip, and then the original pre-bereavement visit to her cousin, Jennifer was supposed to come back home. Then we were going to have our Christmas. But it was going to be more than just Christmas. It was going to be a time to build fences, to talk and to find out what has been going wrong.

Not to be. I am mightily pissed off about it and I feel like a right, royal shit for feeling pissed off. Somebody has died and other people's feelings need to come first.

Yesterday I was at the bus stop at an outrageously early hour (I have not been sleeping very well), when I was engaged in conversation by an old lady wearing a funky purple hat. She talked, with great enthusiasm, about Jesus Christ, God, the meaning of Christmas and how the empty life of a person can be filled and enriched by that person accepting the love of the Lord.

I nodded. I was polite. I was not rude to this (apparently) nice old lady. If anything, I admired her conviction. Faith in something outside of yourself is a wonderful thing, but I do not have any faith. I do not believe in anything.

Actually, that is not true. I believe that everything happens for a reason, even if the reason is not immediately apparent. The rest of the time, the only thing that makes a difference is the will of a person to make a difference.

Too much time on my own, but Jennifer returns to Birmingham this afternoon. I am looking forward to seeing her.

I found out why Jennifer needed to have her Boss' mobile phone number.

Jennifer has been spending Christmas with her cousin and her cousin's husband, Len. Len had been ill for some time. He had been in and out of hospital for months. Heart problems. On Christmas Eve his problems came to an end. He died.

Jennifer wanted her Boss' mobile phone number because she might have to take a couple of extra days holiday at short notice.

Len was a sound guy. He was a good man. A serious and a proud man. A different generation. He fought in World War 2 and was one of the soldiers that liberated the Nazi concentration camps. He told me the story of when he saw a British colonel handing a gun to one of the Jewish prisoners and telling him to kill one of the 'bastards'. The prisoner was too weak to lift the gun. The 'bastard' lived. Len told me that after seeing the camp that day, the incinerators and the piles of dead bodies, his faith in a kind and just God died and never returned.

RIP Len. I hope if there is a better place beyond this, you have gone there.

I didn't catch up with my Brother. By the time "Transporter 3" (it was a piece of shit, but it had it's moments) had finished, and I got to The Square Peg at 20:10, my Brother was gone. I phoned him up. He had been drinking since midday and sounded like it. He had left the pub at 20:00.

I was a bit annoyed. I had told him that I was going to see a film first. Never mind. I won't hold it against him and I will not mention it. I will be going to my Mom's, in a couple of hours, so I will see him then.

So, instead of a night of debauchery I

1. Went home.
2. Read newspapers.
3. Watched the final episode of Mark Gattiss' fine series of ghost stories, "Crooked House".
4. Watched a carol concert.
5. Listened to some music.
6. Went to bed at 1am.

I was up this morning at 6am. I couldn't sleep. I had a bacon sandwich and a cup of tea and watched "Venus" starring Peter O'Toole and Jodie Whitaker. A brilliant, touching movie.

Jennifer just called. She wished me a Happy Christmas and asked if I had her Boss' mobile phone number.

Right...

Have a good Christmas Day, all.

Is it me, or has Christmas become disgusting? Or is it just the people.

I have done some shopping. Most of the shops will only be closed for two days, but I have seen people acting like it is the the end of the world. Trolleys being pushed, loaded high with food. People racing around supermarkets, lists in hand, faces sweaty and panicky. Pushing, pulling, grabbing cranberry sauce, sausage rolls, pickled onions, bread, milk, volauvent's, ice cream, stuffing, chips, crisps, vegetables, booze, booze, booze and cigarettes. It's like "Mad Max 2" in the aisles.

I have not been immune. I have caviar in my fridge. Fucking caviar! When do we eat caviar? Never, except at Christmas. Over Christmas Jennifer sometimes likes to have for breakfast, toast spread with Philadelphia with smoked salmon and caviar on top. It's nice, really is, but it is expensive.

I have spent a stupid amount of money of food and presents. None of it matters. Can you remember what you had for Christmas last year? I cannot. Really, I cannot.

Maybe it is me. I am indifferent to Christmas this year. Too much has gone down. 2008 has been too shit. I am tired. I am fed up. I am all alone. (What's that noise? The world's smallest violin playing just for me.) There was a choice. I could have gone South with Jennifer to her folks, but... No.

No.

I miss Jennifer.

I have tried to cheer myself up. I tried to get a ticket for "It's A Wonderful Life" at The Electric, this evening, but it is sold out. I will still go out this evening. I will see something at the cinema. Afterwards, I might even take my Brother up on his offer to have a drink with him and his mates. He made the offer at the Ocean Colour Scene gig on Monday night. He makes these offers all of the time, never thinking I will take him up on them, but I might this evening.

Christmas, eh? A happy one to you. I mean it, as well.

Long time, no speak.

We have been in London. We saw a musical and a play with music. (They are different things.) We had breakfast at a greasy spoon (which was fantastic) and in the evening ate at a Moroccan restaurant. Jennifer went insane with her credit card at Fortnum's and Mason's and several other fine shopping establishments.

I am now home. Jennifer is down South somewhere. She phoned me on Sunday night, but I have not heard from her since. It is the way it goes.

There you go. I have caught up. I do not feel like writing about any of it in any detail. It is becoming a patten, this 'not writing' thing. Too much of a chore. Too much like work. I hate feeling obligated to do something, or am I just a lazy sod?

Anyway...

Is it time for a Shuffleathon 2008 review? I think that it might be.

Mr. Astronaut did not name the CD, so I have named it myself.

"The J Album".

Why, you may ask, "The J Album"?

Ah... Well, there is a concept. The name of every single artist on the CD begins with the letter 'J'. I think that it is a great idea. It is a concept. I like concepts. I liked even more the idea of including short snatches of movie dialogue between some of the tracks. I wish I had thought of it first.

Bastard.

Let's begin.

"Don't Bring Me Down" by J Church.

I have never heard of this band, but the song is only too familiar. The song comes from E.L.O.'s album "Discovery", released in 1979, and was released as a single by E.L.O. the same year. I have always felt that Jeff Lynne is one of the most underrated of pop songwriters, even if I would never have admitted to liking his work during the height of the punk wars.

As for this version of "Don't Bring Me Down", it is a nice opening track, but it not my favourite track on the CD.

"Desdemona" by John's Children.

John's Children were one of the many moddy, poppy, druggy bands you could have seen for a quid at the Marquee at the tail end of 1966. I imagine that they would have been completely forgotten by pop historians by now if it wasn't for the fact that for a short period Marc Bolan, prior to his enduring fame with T-Rex, was part of the group. He wrote this song and it is clearly his distinctive warble on backing vocals.

I think this is a great track. I love it.

"My CD" by Jackie Chan.

The first bit of movie dialogue. Jackie Chan from... I think... "Rush Hour". (Now, that was a shit movie.)

"The Harder They Come" by Jimmy Cliff.

This is a classic. If you do not know this song, shame on you. Very evocative of being a kid in Birmingham in the late seventies. Radios in every classroom blaring out reggae or punk rock. Nothing else. Weirdly enough, only last weekend I was watching a clip of Jimmy Cliff on the Jools Holland's Later show performing "Many Rivers To Cross". Jimmy Cliff is an old man now, but he was still electrifying.

"I'm Sorry To Interrupt" by Joan Cusack.

Another movie clip. Joan Cusack from... "School Of Rock"? I didn't much like that film either. This fact surprises almost everyone that I meet.

"I've Been Everywhere" by Johnny Cash.

I went to see "Walk The Line" and enjoyed it very much. Before that movie I knew very little about Johnny Cash and I said so. I also mentioned casually, on the blog, that I did not own any of Johnny Cash's music and that I really should get my ass in gear and go out to buy some. The fine gent Swiss Toni saved me the bother. He sent me a disc full of Johnny Cash tracks.

I like this song just fine, but to me Johnny Cash's music was so much better when he was being grave and serious. He was never supposed to be happy. At least not on record.

"Stupid Children" by James Coburn.

Another movie clip. No idea where this comes from. Maybe "The Magnificent Seven"?

"Fat Children" by Jarvis Cocker.

I saw first saw Pulp in 1994 supporting Blur and again in 1995 on their own tour. I think that they went a bit off the boil after that. I haven't taken a lot of notice of Jarvis Cocker's 'comeback', but these days I think I enjoy him more as a personality rather than as a musician.

This is OK. Peculiarly dated when you consider that it would have been released this year/last year. A semi punk/new wave thrash. It starts. It ends. It's OK. I didn't turn it off.

"None Shall Escape The Judgement" by Johnny Clarke.

A reggae groove. Very nice. Faintly religious lyrics. I liked it a great deal.

"Day My Pad Went Mad" by John Cooper Clarke.

Until I heard this track I had no idea that John Cooper Clarke had recorded anything with a backing track. Then again, I know very little about John Cooper Clarke, full stop. I think I last heard him on the radio on John Peel's show, circa 1979.

I think that this is OK. Not really my cup of tea.

"All My Friends" by John Cale.

I think that this is an outstanding. A great old school new wave track. Relentless, churning guitar riff, clever lyrics. It builds and grows and accelerates over 7 minutes. Really very, very good. I really should investigate John Cale a little bit more. I don't think I know any of his work other than as the bass player in the Velvet Underground and producer of Squeeze's first album.

"Cut Class" by John Candy.

Movie clip. Absolutely no idea where this comes from. "The Great Outdoors"?

"Pirate Jenny" by Judy Collins.

I think this is from "The Threepenny Opera". If I am right that makes it a massive two songs I know from that musical (the other being "Mack The Knife").

Extremely peculiar song about pirates, black freighters, murder and revenge. Beautifully sung. Every single word is clearly enunciated. I like that in a song. Excellent track.

"These Ain't Raindrops" by James Carr.

I am assuming that this is the same James Carr who recorded the classic soul track "The Dark End Of The Street". This song is not a patch on that one, but it is good track, and the guy sings it with such passion. When the mood strikes me, I really like soul music.

"There's A Tiny Door" by John Cusack.

Clip from "Being John Malkovich". Good film. I wonder, if Spike Jonze had not been able to get John Malkovich's co-operation in that movie, and he still made the movie, who would he have gone with? Jack Nicholson? Clint Eastwood? Woody Allen? I don't think it would have mattered a jot who he chose. It still would have worked.

"Drag" by Justin Clayton.

This did not make any impression on me whatsoever. I listened to it a couple of times to make sure. Sorry. Sounds like a song Radiohead gave away because it sounded too much like "Freak".

"Magnolia" by J. J. Cale.

Quiet, gentle, laid back, undemanding... country music? I am terrible at putting labels on music. Not awe inspiring, but a nice song and performance.

"Safe Surfer" by Julian Cope.

I have seen Julian Cope live a couple of times. I do not think he ever performed this song any time I saw him. This song is not one of my favourites, but Cope is a great talent. What is he doing these days? I don't know. Last I heard he had just completed a lecture tour about standing stones. Nice one. He walks his own path, that man.

"What are you gonna do?" by James Caan.

What's this from? Maybe "The Godfather"? No. "Mickey Blue Eyes"? I don't know.

"People Who Died" by Jim Carroll Band.

I remember watching The Jim Carroll Band perform this song on "The Old Grey Whistle Test" years ago. These days I think that it skirts perilously close to punk parody, but it it still a great slice of New York, New Wave. Leonardo Di Caprio played Jim Carroll in the movie "The Basketball Diaries". I still think it is the best performance that Di Caprio has ever given, bar none.

"Call It Off" by Jim Carrey.

From "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind", methinks. If I am wrong, I am suitably ashamed. I really like Jim Carrey, even when he chooses to appear in terrible films, which "Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind" certainly is not.

"Part 1 - Acknowledgement" by John Coltrane.

I am afraid that this track is wasted on me. I try very hard not to close my ears to anything, but I have never listened seriously to Jazz, nor ever purchased any Jazz. I cannot claim to understand it. Great drumming, though.

"Falling" by Julee Cruise.

The theme tune to "Twin Peaks", which was a TV series I adored, even when it became apparent that David Lynch was making the whole thing up as he went along.

I love this song. Shimmering and atmospheric. When I heard it I could just picture the waterfall during the opening credits of "Twin Peaks". Marvellous stuff. Once I nearly saw Julee Cruise live when she was touring as Cindy Wilson's replacement in The B52's. I didn't see her, because I didn't go. Shame.

"Thank You" by James Cagney.

Last movie clip. "Yankee Doodle Dandy"?

Phew! Done.

Still here. I have just been very busy.

I have nearly finished the Shuffleathon review.

Another day, another bit added to the Shuffleathon 2008 review. My problem is that I keep adding and taking bits out. I think the technical term is 'rewriting'.

It will not be a "Chinese Democracy". The review will be finished before the end of next week. Has to be finished, really. We are off to London on Friday.

There is work to be attended tomorrow morning, then shopping in the afternoon and then tomorrow evening I am out with an old blog buddy seeing James at the NIA.

Back on Sunday.

A couple of words on the Puppini Sisters, who we saw last night at the Town Hall in Birmingham.



Imagine that the Andrews Sisters had been put into cryogenic suspension in 1944. Imagine that when they were thawed out in the 21st century they decided to carry on where they left off, but this time singing modern songs in their own inimitable style. In essence, that is what you would get if you went to see the Puppini Sisters perform live.

OK. Sure it would not be for everybody. Sure the whole thing is a gimmick. Sure it is the kind of thing that you would probably not want to see live more than a couple of times. But on a cold December evening, with yours truly getting over the flu, it was exactly what I wanted to see. Once the sound mix had been sorted after song 2 or 3 (what are soundchecks for?), I thought that the Puppini Sisters were kind of brilliant.

Fantastic voices. Camp beyond belief. Divas supreme. An excellent trio of male musiciains (upright bass, guitar and drums) backing them. A startling selection of cover versions (Blondie's "Heart Of Glass", Kate Bush's "Wuthering Heights", the Smiths' "Panic", Beyonce's "Crazy In Love", Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" and some swing standards ("Don't Sit Under The Appletree", "In The Mood", that bugle boy song whose title escapes me). It was wonderful. Really funny and entertaining. I throughly enjoyed myself. So did Jennifer. Or at least she said that she did.

And I have to say it. I am in love. The redhead in the Puppini Sisters (ah... sweet Stephanie...) was really kind of something, in the... er... flesh.

Jennifer made me stay home because I was in no fit state to go to work. After sleeping in very late, I washed, had some Thai chicken soup and watched lots of stuff on the TV.

1. Neil Young live in concert, from a 1972 BBC session.
2. "The Mist" on Blu Ray.
3. Two episodes of "Underbelly".

I feel much better. I will go to work tomorrow. No choice, really. Tomorrow evening we are going to a gig (The Puppini Sisters), so if I really didn't go to work, it would be too much like skiving and I do not hold with skiving.

When I return on Thursday I will finally publish my thoughts on the Shuffleathon 2008 CD.

Later.

Sniff, cough, gurgle. I feel like absolute shit...

I will return.

Very tired. Nose running. Headache this morning. I could have done without going out to a family meal to celebrate Sister 3's birthday, but at least there I was able to sit Niece 2 (3 months, 3 weeks old, approximately) on my lap and make her laugh by doing duck noises. Highlight of my day. Really.

I have not forgotten the blog. I went to see the Fratellis and have a story of idiocy to tell. I have been listening to the Shuffleathon 2008 CD, which is a quite interesting set of songs. I have been writing some emails and doing other things. I have just not been writing about them.

By the way, "Iron Man" is magnificent on Blu Ray. Just thought that you should know that.

I am going to lie down.

I have a cold. It is not flu, or man flu, or anything like that. But it is a pain in the ass. I dragged myself into work today, for the money. I was lucky enough to get a lift home. I fell asleep in front of the TV this afternoon. Jennifer says that I snore.

It has been a bit of a wasted day. Never mind.

Lots to do. Emails to reply to. It will all get done tomorrow. "The X-Factor" awaits. I have my priorities right.

Last night did not quite happen the way I expected it to.

Jennifer was ill, so she did not go to the party. The bus was late and we did not arrive home until late. No time to do anything but eat, watch "The Quiller Memorandum" on the V+ box (dated, sure, but Pinter's dialogue still sparkles) and go to bed.

There will be no time this evening, either (I am going to see the Fratellis with my Brother), so this quick post, on a Company computer - ooo, eee - will have to be it.

Have a good weekend, all. Catch up later.

Is this the way that the blog ends? I hope not, but it might be.

I am fighting, but I just feel so tired. Maybe it is the onset of winter and the cold weather? Maybe time is just speeding up? Maybe I am suffering from depression or maybe I am just generally pissed off with life? I don't know.

There does not seem to be any time to do anything, never mind writing anything of any interest. I have received a CD as part of Swiss Toni's Shuffleathon. I have not listened to it, even though at the beginning of this week I said that I would. I have taped lots of TV onto the V+ box. I have not watched any of it. I have 3, brand new, shiny Blu Ray discs to watch. I haven't watched them. I have a book I started to read, "The Rise Of Endymion", that is sitting on a chair in the bedroom. I am not reading it.

What am I doing then?

You got me there, Chief. Mostly I have been sleeping, eating food and watching TV. When I do raise my arse out of the chair to get to the back room, turn the computer on and attempt to blog, I have nothing much to say. Pretty shit.

It doesn't help that Jennifer is working all of the time. She is in work by 7am. She works through lunch. She comes home with me at the correct time, that is true, but then she works late into the evening. I am pretty sure that last night she did not get into bed until after midnight. (Not that I would know this for certain, of course, because we do not share a bed anymore and there does not seem much likelihood that we are going to ever again.) We are supposed to have a date at 9:30pm to watch an hour of TV together, probably "Burn Notice", but I am not going to hold my breath.

I am very, very fed up.

(Hey! Can the defeatist shit! This is bollocks. Pull yourself together, you twat!. There are a lot of people worse off than you. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.)

Quite right.

Vent. Vent. Rant. Vent. Fuckers. Cunts. Bollocks. Tory wankers.

There, I feel better. The blog goes on.

Right, first thing. Some news.

Tomorrow is the evening of The Company Christmas Party. I will not go into any great detail about it, for obvious reasons, but The Company has spent an obscene amount on this years festive entertainment. Free coach travel to the venue, from all over the UK, free hotel accommodation, free food, free bar, live band(s), butchers, bakers, candlestick makers, clowns to the left of me, jokers to the right. Sounds good, yes?

No. I don't think so. The Company has made several hundred redundancies in the last couple of months. A lot of people are facing a very bleak future. Taking the moral high ground, I think that the whole idea of spending hundreds, possibly thousands, of pounds on a party is disgusting and revolting and I want no part of it. I will not be there. I have been banned (by Jennifer) from revealing the true reason why I will not be there. I have been told to say that I will be celebrating Sister 3's birthday tomorrow (Sister 3 really will be 33 years old - Happy Birthday Sister 3, even though you do not know that this blog exists) and will otherwise engaged. Jennifer is going to The Company Christmas Party. She has been told that, as a manager, she has to attend.

I hope she has a nice time. Really I do. Maybe she can take her laptop and do some work?

I will be here. I will watch TV. I might watch something on Blu Ray. I might even do some blogging.

Secondly. Let's get that CD copied to my MP3 player and give it a listen. I am constantly letting people down, but Swiss is a nice guy and I do not like letting him down.

Thirdly. Let's get started on a big post about all the movies and gigs I have not bothered to write about yet.

Later.

I have been very busy.

Monday, so a change of desktop.

I was idly flicking through music channels on Sunday night, most of which were playing Christmas songs, when a classic Christmas song came on.

Ah... No choice in the matter. This weeks desktop had to be...



Ricky Tomlinson, actor, singer and co-composer of that fine festive offering "Christmas, My Arse". I love it.

No time for anything else. Sorry. I am getting boring. I know.

Nighty, night.

A CD has arrived, which I will give a good listen to and post a review of later in the week.

We have purchased a Blu-Ray player (which is fab) and three discs ("Iron Man", "The Mist" and "Horton Hears A Who") to play on it.

Ruth Lorenzo, who was the best looking woman left on "The X-Factor" this year, and not a bad singer either, has been voted off. Shame.



I am waiting for Jennifer to finish drying her hair so that we can go to Sister 3's. When we get there Sister 3, who used to be a hairdresser, will be colouring Jennifer's hair. We are only an hour late. We were supposed to leave the house at 9:10. Ce sera sera.

That is all.

Let's have another film review. Not the one I was going to write but, hey, does it really matter?

I also still need to write about Leonard Cohen at the LG arena, even though I will not be able to write anything as good as this review of the man at the O2 over at my friend Mr. Planet's place.

Er... Here we go.

"Burn After Reading".




I have a strange and disturbing relationship with movies made by the Coen brothers. More often than not I will go to see one of their films at the cinema, dislike it intensely, dismiss it and then months or years later, after re watching it on DVD or TV, discover that it is actually a little masterpiece. It happened with "The Big Lebowski" and "Fargo". It didn't happen with "The Ladykillers" and "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" (I hated them both) or "No Country For Old Men" and "The Man Who Wasn't There" (I loved them from the start).

I wasn't even going to bother to see "Burn After Reading". No particular reason. I just didn't fancy it. A lot of A-listers acting dumb in a clever-clever movie? Nah. Thanks, but no thanks. It was only a 'I've-missed-the-bus-what-else-is-on-at-the-cinema?' scenario that led me to deciding that it might be worth a look.

I am so glad that I did. I thought that "Burn After Reading" was kind of wonderful. Farce is a very difficult thing to pull off, but with "Burn After Reading" the Coen Brothers manage it with aplomb. I thought it was a very funny film.

I think the key to the success of "Burn After Reading" was down to the way that the Coen Brothers cast every single role perfectly, openly utilising the common public personas of their very strong cast. Frances McDormand is kooky. Brad Pitt is a himbo. John Malkovich is strange. Tilda Swinton is an ice queen. J. K. Simmons is gruff. George Clooney is... what else? A ladies man. (George Clooney, in fact, is truly superb and has never been funnier.)

Of course the plot is guff. Some nonsense about spies, secrets, infidelity, misunderstandings and sudden death (very surprising that bit). Maybe the Coens should have called it "Spy Farce"? Actually, that would have been a pretty good title.

"Burn After Reading" is good. It is very good. Enjoy.

This evening I got sidetracked by literally everything. Sometimes that is the way it goes.

Hi kids!

I'm back baby!

Er... Gotta go again, but a few things first.

We survived the crisis with the DVD player self destructing at the weekend and will be purchasing a Blu Ray machine next weekend.

(Credit crunch? What credit crunch?)

So, re. this weeks desktop, I got to thinking of what my first Blu Ray purchase might be? Ah... Maybe a film all about this guy.



I loved "Iron Man". One 0f my favourite films of the year.

I once saw a Blu Ray player being demoed in an electronics shop in town and the disk they were using for the test was "Iron Man". It looked just fab.

It was a busy weekend. On Saturday night we went to see Leonard Cohen at the LG Arena and on Sunday I went to see the movie "Choke". I enjoyed both immensely and will write about them next time.

The DVD player has blown up!

Recent activities, chez Cornelius.

Tuesday evening I finally watched "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix". I thought that it was OK. Maybe a bit complicated and slow for children, but much better than "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire". That film bored me to tears.

Jennifer and I watched most of "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" together. All the way through it she was tutting and muttering and scowling. This had been changed from the book, that didn't happen to that character, etc. Eventually I ordered her from the room.

I suppose I will be the same once "Watchmen" comes out. There are dark rumours that the ending has been altered.

Sacrilege.

**

Wednesday evening I watched the Germany versus England friendly. Frankly, Germany were lackluster, but England were still great, especially Shaun Wright-Phillips who I thought had an awesome game. It was really nice to see all of the Villa boys in the squad get a kick as well. Big howler by John Terry/Scott Carson, though. Will Scott Carson get another chance to play with the big boys? Maybe, but I cannot see it happen soon, except in exceptional circumstances. Capello seems to be a bit unforgiving. Poor bastard.

"Zack and Miri Make a Porno".



7.9/10 on IMDB's user rating? Are you kidding? I think you must be.

It makes me very sad to say this, because I have generally been a big Kevin Smith fan, but I thought that "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" was a bit disappointing.

Definitely not as good as "Clerks", "Chasing Amy" or "Dogma". In fact, scratch that. "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" is not as good as any previous Kevin Smith film. The script is not as funny, the performances are not as assured and I did not warm to the characters as much. Kevin Smith by numbers, I'm afraid. "Star Wars" gags? Check. Sex talk? Check. Pop culture references? Check. Jay and Silent Bob? Er... OK. Fair enough. No Jay and Silent Bob (it would have been a better film if they had been in it), but I kept thinking to myself that maybe it is time for Kevin Smith to change the record.

"Zack and Miri Make a Porno" is not totally terrible. It is funny, and it does have some great moments, just not enough of them. Elizabeth Banks is sweet. Jason Mewes is funny. So is porn star Katie Morgan. Justin Long and Brandon Routh are really funny in their little cameo. Seth Rogan is... Seth Rogan. If you like him, you will like him in "Zack and Miri Make A Porno", if you don't like him, you won't. Traci Lords seems to have come to terms with her porn past. Interesting, that.

"Zack and Miri Make a Porno" just made me want to shrug my shoulders. Yeah, whatever. Was that it?

Kevin Smith's worst film, but it is OK.

**

This weeks desktop.



Reg Varney, of course. He died yesterday at the age of 92.

I would never claim that "On The Buses" was a great British sitcom, because it certainly wasn't, but it ran for seven series, was incredibly popular and, along with other terrible sitcoms like "Love Thy Neighbour", "Bless This House" and "Man About The House", was typical of the politically incorrect humour that made us Brits laugh in the 1970's. Well... Some of us.

Interesting fact. The "On The Buses" movies were the most successful that Hammer Film Productions ever made, grossing more than myriad "Dracula", "Frankenstein" and "Mummy" movies. I'm bet you are glad you learnt that, aren't you?

"The Baader Meinhof Complex" or, properly, "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex".



Going into see "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex" I was filled with trepidation. This was a long German film, with subtitles, by a very serious Director, dealing with the potentially tortuous subject of politics, the radicalisation of students in the late 1960's and the myriad gangs, brigades and groups that came out of that period. Not knowing an awful lot about the German political scene of that time, I was worried that I would struggle to understand it all.

No worries on that front. It is a tribute to director Uli Edel and writer Bernd Eichinger that the story of the Baader-Meinholf gang was presented cleanly and clearly. I thought that "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex" was a beautifully constructed, visceral movie, with note perfect performances from the main leads: Moritz Bleibtreu's Andreas Baader - egotistical, irresponsible, charismatic and, let's be honest for a moment, a bit of a horse's ass; Martina Gedeck's Ulrike Meinhof - a faintly left leaning journalist, intelligent, thoughtful, introspective, somewhat seduced by the glamour of the 'movement' and Johanna Wokalek's Gudrun Ensslin - Baader's girlfriend, obsessed, twinkly eyed, dedicated and ruthless. All outstanding.

Interestingly, the movie does not judge. You see the position of the group, and of the authorities that battled them, equally. The quality of the movie and of the performances is such that that you do feel a degree of sympathy for the 'terrorists' as their plans fail, their members are picked off one by one and their mental state starts to unravel. You feel sympathy, despite the fact that they were bombers, kidnappers and murderers.

I do feel that "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex" was a tad too long. The second half of the movie, dealing with the incarceration of the senior members of the group, could possibly have been tighter, but I am just being picky. "Der Baader Meinhof Komplex" was an extremely good movie. I think that it is one of the best of the year.

(And shame on the two people who left after 5 minutes, no doubt distressed by the fact that they had accidentally paid to see a foreign film with - whisper it! - subtitles. The horror! I nearly called out to them that "High School Musical 3" was on next door and that maybe they should try that film instead. Very sad. They do not know what they missed.)

Fancy a film review?

Why not.

"The House Bunny".



Have you ever been to see a movie, where you hated everything about the movie, except for one little thing that made it worthwhile going to see? "The House Bunny" is one of those movies.

Don't get me wrong. "The House Bunny" is a rotten film. Skin crawlingly awful, in fact. A disaster, truly terrible and, in these times of the credit crunch, a dreadful waste of a Hollywood budget. "The House Bunny" is a cinematic turd of the highest degree. Bad performances by nearly everybody in the cast. Perfunctory plot. Predictable outcome. Nearly a total waste of time and effort.

Nearly?

Well, actually yes, because, amazingly, I thought that Anna Faris in the title role was really very funny. Trust me on this. She was as wide eyed, open, honest and naive as Amy Adams in "Enchanted", if, perhaps, not quite as innocent. I loved Anna Faris in "The House Bunny". Frankly, she made the movie.

Shame that the film is so bad. (And let's not even talk about the appalling version of "I Know What Boys Like" by Katherine McPhee. Have they no shame?)

Cold, dark and miserable. That was just me. Don't even get me started on the weather!

Last night I left work and was at the bus stop at 18:10. I waited an hour and 20 minutes for a bus that was supposed to run every half an hour. Being a great guy, I try never to abuse bus drivers when buses are late. It is hardly ever their fault and they will get enough nasty comments from other passengers without me adding to it. But, last night, I was spitting feathers when the bus finally did arrive.

I was polite to the driver, though.

'What happened to the two buses in front of you?'

'One of them broke down and one of the drivers did not turn up. Sorry.'

Ah... See. Not his fault, and at least he had the good grace to say 'Sorry'.

I was home at 20:05. All of my plans to spend the evening in front of the computer writing were ruined. To my shame, I gave up. I ordered way too much Chinese takeaway and found that I couldn't eat even half of it. I glowered at the television for an hour. I extended the heating, had a wank and went to bed.

Total bollocks. I refuse to let myself slip into a depression, born of Jennifer not being here (she is somewhere on the South Coast with her folks) and myself being incredibly pissed off about it. Tonight I reject giving up. Enough of that.

Let's get back to some kind of business as usual, shall we?

So... This weeks Desktop.

I bought a ticket at the weekend to see the Prodigy. The gig is next April at the Birmingham NIA. I like the Prodigy a great deal. Always have done. I have seen the Prodigy live on just the one occasion and enjoyed it tremendously. Not least because of the mental, absolutely bonkers audience, including a girl who attended the gig only wearing furry boots and a bikini in the colours of the American flag. Unusual, that. The gig was in the middle of December. Brummie girls have a strong constitution, methinks.

So, there could be no other desktop but...




Keith Flint. The Firestarter himself. Perhaps it is not the reaction he hopes to get, but I think he is hilarious.

I visited Sister 1 on Sunday to fiddle around on her computer. As is the way, I often pull up videos on You Tube to show to Niece 1 and she tells me what she thinks of them. I showed her "Firestarter" and "Breathe" by the Prodigy.

Niece 1's considered opinion was that videos/songs were 'Crap' and 'Something that my Mom would listen to'. Niece 1 is 11 years old.

Oh dear. I suddenly feel really old.

I was going to make a start on some film reviews, but that can wait for another day.

Some lyrics.

"Have you seen her come around?..."
"Follow this feeling..."
"... catching the sparks..."
"Come to me..."
"... tired of you..."
"... groovy..."
"... sugar bear..."
"Oh!..."
"... candy girl..."
"I've been to ancient worlds..."
"Marking the space between the days..."
"Love was in your eyes..."
"... scares me to death..."
"... pneumonia..."
"... no one is listening..."
"... joys of love are fleeting..."

Yes, the CD in the Swiss Toni Shuffleathon 2008 is ready and waiting to be dispatched to the (un)lucky recipient. As always, I have taken it all way too seriously.

16 tracks this year. More than normal. I normally draw a line at 12. Who want to bore a listener? There is even a concept involved, of a kind. A bit of a sad one.

Pretentious? Moi?

"Quantum Of Solace".



I have a theory about "Quantum Of Solace".

Marc Forster, who is a good art house Director ("Finding Neverland", "Monster's Ball", "The Kite Runner"), is signed to direct "Quantum Of Solace". Forster, who is very adept at directing performance based movies, quickly realises that he has no idea how to direct an action film. So, he researches, checking out some of the most successful action movies of the previous couple of years to get ideas and a feeling for tone, structure and look. Forster, finding his template, starts work.

"Quantum Of Solace" is Bond filtered via "The Bourne Ultimatum".

Now, don't get me wrong. I liked "Quantum Of Solace" just fine. Maybe it was a little pofaced and one-note throughout, and did not have the variation in plot of "Casino Royale", but I thought "Quantum Of Solace" was a good film. It started well and got better as it went along. It just did not feel like a Bond film. It felt like a Bourne film.

Scenes of intelligence mandarins tracking the action via high-tech surveillance. Bone crushing, close up, fight sequences. Super fast, adrenalised car chases. Sudden death. Blood. Dirt. Heroes and villains that really get hurt. The mental effect on a person of having to watch a person die. All classic Bourne.

Maybe all action films from a particular period do have a particular look and feel to them? I don't know. I will say that "Quantum Of Solace" does frequently achieve a kind of poetry of violence, especially in the 'Tosca' segment. "Quantum Of Solace" is refreshingly short, looks great and Daniel Craig is fantastic as the tormented, revenge driven Bond.

For me, though, the only truly traditional Bond moment was Bond's brief interlude with foxy Gemma Arterton's posh Agent Fields. Perhaps it was a tiny little hint of what the Daniel Craig/Bond persona might be like when/if he lightens up in future movies. Also, a nice little nod by the filmmakers back to a memorable exit in "Goldfinger". (Do you miss the daft names that Fleming used to give his female characters? Check out Agent Fields full name on IMDB. It will make you laugh. I did.)

I hope Daniel Craig makes another Bond film, but I hope that next time it is more Bond and less Bourne.

Today a tiny little dog gave me the evil eye. It was because I sat too close to his owner Mom on the bus.

One of these days I will finish writing about all of the movies I have seen since the last review I wrote ("Brideshead Revisited"), but not tonight.

The sidebar will be updated.

I have written this sentence many, many times.

I did intend to be here last night, but... (What excuse this time? Ah... I know!) my sleep patterns were fucked up after staying up to watch the US elections. (Good one, Jerry! Cheers!)

So, Barack Obama won.

Good for him. I hope he makes a difference. Of course that line doesn't mean a thing. George W. Bush also made a difference. War, death, instability, danger. Maybe Gore and Kerry would have been just as bad. Until we are able to pass into alternative realities and see how they got on, we will never know.

I am not going to piss on anybody's parade here, but Obama is not the chosen one, the messiah, Anakin Skywalker or Harry Potter. Obama is a politician. As such he will be pulled and pushed by the vested interests that supported him, as much as Bush ever was by the vested interests that supported him. Vested interests may not care about you or me or the right thing that should be done. It is the political game. It is the way it goes.

During the run up to the Carter-Reagan election of 1980, I remember reading a piece in one of the highbrow magazines. The gist of the piece was that whoever won the election, six months afterwards, a majority of people would wish that they had voted for the other guy. I suspect that this is what will happen this time.

I hope that Obama does good things, but am cynical enough to think that he may not.

For one day only, this weeks desktop.

This gentleman.



One day only because I will only be at work for the one day this week. Today, in fact. I am off for the rest of the week. Tomorrow, weather permitting, I will be painting the fence. Then, during the evening, Jennifer and I will be going to see "Quantum Of Solace" at The Electric. The rest of the week, who knows? Films, chores, whatever. I have a lot of stuff on the V+ box to watch.

Why Elton for this weeks desktop? No apologies, I liked 70's and some 80's Elton. Also, there is a particular Elton song, that has been a major ear worm for me in recent times, I intend to make the centerpiece of my entry in this years world famous Swiss Toni Shuffleathon. Or if not a centerpiece you might want to call it the 'end of side 1 track', if you are an old fogey still thinking in terms of vinyl.

Get involved. Read all about the Shuffeathon here. I am sure that Swiss will be glad to hear from you. He is one of the good guys.

**

The Stranglers at the Carling Academy, Birmingham. A couple of weeks ago.



Old punks never die. They just go on tour. Forever.

Actually, those punks are just the guys in the band. The other punks, the paying punters in the audience, just get old. They squeeze their pot bellies into tight jeans. They shave their heads to disguise their bald spots, or maybe indulge in a bit of a Bobby Charlton comb-over. (I went for the former.) They stick on T-shirt with a groovy logo. (Mine was a cybernetic skull T-shirt from Boxfresh. I looked 'ard.) They indulge in some low level pogoing. Much easier on tired legs and arthritic joints.

My people...

Jerry, you really must stop being such a cynic. You know how much you enjoyed The Stranglers.

Sure did.

Jet Black looks as old as the Himalayas, and is faintly mountain like, but is still the straightforward, down-the-line drummer he ever was. Dave Greenfield has the air of a bonkers chemistry teacher and can play a keyboard solo while downing a pint. Jean-Jacques Burnel is much fatter than the last time I saw him, but he still has a bass sound that could shake out your fillings. (Also, to these heterosexual eyes, he is still astoundingly sexy. If I had a daughter I wouldn't leave her anywhere near him.) As for Hugh Cornwall? Nowhere to be seen. He left long ago, around the time that The Stranglers stopped seriously troubling the charts. (Not that Hugh has exactly been a chart mainstay himself in the subsequent period since leaving The Stranglers.) Instead we had big, shaven headed Geordie Baz Warne, who is a really good guitarist and gave a good approximation of the Hugh Cornwell sneer.

I did enjoy the gig. It was billed as a greatest hits tour and greatest hits is what we got. All the way from the early New Wave classics like "Peaches", "Hanging Around" and "No More Heroes", to the later, more poppy, psychedelic songs like "Golden Brown", "Strange Little Girl" and "Always The Sun".

Well worth the effort of going to see them.

A word or two about the support act. Starbase 109.



They were the best Kraftwerk piss take I have ever seen. Maybe the only Kraftwerk piss take I have ever seen. As far away from what you would expect a support band at a punk gig to sound like as it is possible to get. I am just surprised they were not bottled off. Or shot. There were some rough people at that gig.

They were a band out of an 80's nightmare (or would that be 80's heaven? I suppose it is all down to who you are and what you groove to). Two guys on synthesizers, backed by a drum machine. Songs about vacuum cleaners, the Manchester metro, finding spiders in the bathroom (accompanied by one of the band waving a giant spider on a stick over the audience; the spider being totally destroyed by an audience member who got his hands on it) and androids.

They were brilliant. They were terrible. They were genius. They were bonkers. Maddest thing I have seen in ages. I would like to see them again.

This weeks desktop.



Thunderbird 2 and Virgil Tracy.

I once read a feature in a magazine listing the coolest television characters of all time. Virgil Tracy was in the top 50. Accompanying his entry was this very picture.

It is an interesting picture. Look carefully. See the expression of confidence on Virgil's face? The narrowed eyes. The slight cruelty in the lips, somehow tempered with humour. A macho man. A man's man. A seducer, totally at ease with himself and his sexuality. Note the left hand casually positioned on his hip. It is an almost effeminate stance, but Virgil pulls it off. Note the legs, slightly akimbo. What is he thinking? Look at my big ship, probably. I bet he had a big cock as well.

In my dreams I am as cool as Virgil Tracy.

(Forget watching the movie, except for Sophia Myles as Lady Penelope it is a piece of shit, but the television series is still genius.)

Blogging wise, October has been a bit of a washout. There are lots of reasons for that, none of which I am going to go into.

November will be better.

The Doctor is dead. Long live The Doctor.

I was going to write, but it is late, I am cold and I cannot be bothered.

No time! No time!

Saturday. Went to work and saw a Scottie dog attack a bus. Evening went to see the Stranglers. I have written a review in my notebook. I need to type it up.

Sunday. Went food shopping and then went to see "Saw V". It is rubbish. Did the whole review in the notebook thing. Evening. Did a stack of ironing while listening to the best of the Mamas and the Papas. Watched "Burn Notice" and "Breaking Bad".

Today. Went to work. Watched more people be made redundant, including Jennifer's nemesis. Jennifer said that she didn't like the person, but it still made her feel sick. Evening. Cooked, washed up and watched "Spooks".

Phew!

Back tomorrow. More time.

Two desktops that I have failed to mention.

Anna Faris.



A week or so ago I left the house intending to see "The House Bunny". The bus did not turn up, so I saw the first film about to start when I arrived at the cinema. "Gommora". Not exactly a fluffy comedy. Far from it.

I will probably not now see "The House Bunny" until it turns up on my television set. In light of this tragedy I decided to immortalise Anna Faris as my desktop for the week.

My next desktop was Amy Adams.



I love Amy Adams. One day she will be mine.

My next desktop will not be a pretty girl.

**

At work, as expected since the asset strippers took control, there have been redundancies. Jennifer and I are OK, but we know at least 9 people who are on notice. One of those guys is a programmer who has been with The Company since Margaret Thatcher came to power. When he came out of his meeting he looked shell shocked. Jennifer was told to let him go home and to ask him to come back next week.

During the afternoon an email arrived from the CEO expressing sadness and regret, blah, blah, blah, and inviting applications for voluntary redundancy, pointing out that 'not all requests for voluntary redundancy will be accepted'. So, more redundancies are on the way?

It is all very sad, but that is the way of the world.

I am off to see the Stranglers tomorrow night, so the next post will probably not be here until Sunday. I last saw the Stranglers at the Birmingham Odeon in 1988. Time passes.

I am conscious of all the things I have not written about. I will try to do better in the future.

Tuesday evening was spent

1. Eating food. We had a Chinese takeaway. We were so knackered by an apocalyptically bad day at work, we decided that the mountain of fresh food we had in the fridge could go hang.
2. Watching the first episode of "Breaking Bad". I thought that it was very funny. I laughed all of the way through it. I will definitely watch the rest of the series.
3. Installing the software for Jennifer's tiny Creative Zen MP3 player. (Tiny? It was so small I thought it was an After Eight mint.) A stressful experience to say the least, mainly because Jennifer kep hanging over my shoulder asking me what I was doing.

I have been writing a largish post catching up on all of the film reviews I have thus far failed to post. So, if you will excuse me, I am going back to that.

I hope everyone is OK.

Jennifer did not call on Friday or Saturday. She did call yesterday, to say that she was on her way home, and would I like to meet her at New Street station?

Stupid question.

I suppose we are in a state of detente. Last night I ordered a Chinese takeaway. We watched TV. We talked about her Brother and his kids. We talked about the eviction on "The X-Factor" (Girlband! I told you!) We talked about Worthing and Brighton. We talked about nothing very much at all.

We tiptoed around each other all evening. There were no arguments. I didn't raise anything 'heavy'. I was scared to. At the end of the night, she went to her room and I went to mine. I suppose we are still together. Jennifer didn't say anything contrary to that.

Today I asked her Jennifer if she wanted to see "Quantum Of Solace" at The Electric in November? Sofa seat. Nibbles. Drinks. Jennifer said OK. She would like that. It will be the first film we have seen together since "Kung Fu Panda".

We will have a serious talk. We will work through things.

One minute with... Jerry Cornelius. (Shamelessly stolen from the 'One Minute With...' slot in The Independent. Yesterdays was with Roger Moore, so some of the questions will reflect the trade in which he gained his fame.)

Where are you?

In the back room surrounded by junk. I have just looked out of the window and noticed that my neighbour, the foxy Keren, has finally had her fence put up. It looks like a good, solid piece of work. Unfortunately it also means that I will soon be required to spend a day or two painting the fence on our side.

What was the last film you saw?

"The Rocker". It is not a masterpiece, but I thought it was OK.

Who is your favourite Director?

I have more films by Alfred Hitchcock than by any other Director, courtesy of several box sets, so I suppose I should say him. Of the newer bunch, my favourite would be David Fincher.

If you could have starred in one film, which would it be and why?

"Point Blank" as Walker. The film is a cult classic. A little masterpiece of a thriller. Frankly that should be a good enough reason for an actor to appear in any film, but beyond that Lee Marvin as Walker is tough, relentless, impenetrable, well dressed and extremely cool. Everything that I am not.

What distracts you from work?

TV, going to the cinema, surfing porn. Too much of the latter, lately. I am trying to stop. I have not looked at any porn today. It is a start.

What did you want to be as a child?

I cannot think of a single thing. I don't know. Ask my Mom. She might be able to give you an answer.

Who is your greatest inspiration?

Am I a person who gets inspired by people or events? I do not think that I am. That is a very sad thing to admit. These days am I that indifferent?

The film that changed your life is...

"Planet Of The Apes" from 1968.

I saw it with my Dad at the cinema during the rerun in the early 70's. We both enjoyed it a great deal. From then on we were always going to the cinema. I have been going ever since.

The film also led me directly to books. I first book I ever purchased was "Monkey Planet" by Pierre Boulle, the novel on which "Planet Of The Apes" was based. I started to buy other science fiction novels by the likes of Isaac Asimov, Harlan Ellison, Ray Bradbury, etc. I then started to read other kinds of books. It goes on.

Who is your hero?

My Mom, of course. She was widowed at the age of 43, pregnant and with 4 kids under the age of 10. (I was 14.) She was given the option to allow us to be taken into care, but refused. They were not going to take her fucking children. She went from a mouse, dominated by my Dad, to a woman who had to learn how to make decisions. She made mistakes, but she did OK.

We all have our problems, but basically we are all fine. None of us are on drugs. None of us have ended up in prison or in trouble. 4 out of 5 of us are working. We are the kids of an inner city, single mother. We should be scum. You know what? Take your cliches and shove them up your arse where they belong.

My Mom is my hero.

**

I got a bit down this afternoon. I went around to see my Mom and she told me to spend some money on myself. I have. I have purchased three movies from the '3 for 20 quid' offer at Zaavi and one on top. These movies.

1. "All The Boys Love Mandy Lane". I loved this movie. For a horror film it is just outstanding. Just a beautiful looking movie that works on all sorts of levels.
2. "The Notorious Bettie Page". Ditto. Considering it is about the most famous fetish model of all time, it is kind of sweet and innocent, while also being quite rude and very funny. Well, I laughed all of the way through it. I think that Gretchen Mol should have been nominated for an Oscar for this one.
3. "Before The Devil Knows You're Dead". Outstanding thriller. Great turns from Philip Seymour Hoffman, Ethan Hawke and Albert Finney. Marisa Tomei is also outstandingly sexy, as if I needed to point that out.
4. "Southland Tales" . Richard Kelly's followup to "Donnie Darko". I have never seen "Southland Tales". It was booed at the Cannes film festival, withdrawn and recut, losing half an hour of footage in the process. Then it was released 18 months later to terrible reviews, except for the Empire Magazine reviewer who quite liked it. I was just dying to see this movie, but it was in and out of British cinemas faster than George W. Bush out of a meeting with his economic advisor. Maybe one day they will release the full cut.

I will watch one of these films after "The X-Factor" results. Who is going home tonight? Ah... That might well be Girlband. I hope so. I have a bet on that JLS will be the top group in their category.

It has been a rough couple of days. There has been no inclination to blog or surf very much at all. Maybe you noticed? Lot's of promises made. None of them kept.

Jennifer has gone. She will be at her Brother's until Sunday. We have been arguing a lot. You might say that the atmosphere has become very tense. A couple of days ago she said that she wanted some time to think about 'where we were going'. She made an emergency holiday request at work and she was gone.

For the best? Or course. We cannot carry on like this. We are constantly rubbing each other up the wrong way, failing to communicate, doing everything alone. I hate the amount of time she spends working. She hates my indifference and bad attitude. I do not want to carry on like this. Bugger the whole 'no sex' thing. This has become a 'no relationship' thing. It is a shame that she didn't want to sit down and talk to me, and instead felt the need to go to Worthing to think about 'where we are going'. It doesn't matter. I will welcome any step to resolve this situation, however it presents itself.

I hope we are together after this weekend. I really do. I love her.

**

Of all of the artistes who recorded for Motown during the Golden age of that label (1959 through 1972), my favourites were the Four Tops.



They were not the best selling, most iconic or most innovative artistes to record for Motown, and they were never much cop live (I saw them in 1992 on a Motown package tour and they were dreadful), but I loved their records. They were magnificent.

Levi Stubbs died today. He was 72.

RIP.

Way too tired to be writing now. I promise I will be back tomorrow.

What was that line again?

'I will be back on Friday.'

Okey, dokey...

Oh, well. Couldn't be helped. In between TV ("The X-Factor", "Burn Notice" and the finale of "Alias" - FUCKING HELL!) , movies ("Gomorra" and "Nights In Rodanthe"), shopping, eating and general dossing about, I did not so much as go near the computer in days. If it helps, I did feel guilty. Hey! Not that guilty.

I am off now to do important things.

Tomorrow I will be going to see the England Under 21 squad run rings around the Wales Under 21 squad at Villa Park, so... wait for it... I will be back on Wednesday.

Fillums. I just love 'em.

"Brideshead Revisited".



It is a sad admission, but regarding the movie adaptation of "Brideshead Revisited", I am at a disadvantage. Every serious critic has either

a) Read Evelyn Waugh's 1945 novel, or
b) Seen the 1981 television adaptation

and literally all of them have painted the movie adaptation as inferior to one or both.

I cannot comment. I have neither read the book nor seen the television adaptation. I hope to do both, one day. All I will say is that, although the movie adaptation was no masterpiece, I rather enjoyed "Brideshead Revisited" as the reasonably good period drama that it was.

Matthew Goode was especially... er... good as Charles Ryder. He was an outsider, an innocent and a social climber. A man fascinated and mesmerised by the damaged aristocratic Flyte family and the circles in which they moved. It was a good performance, thank God, because it had to be. He was centre stage for the entire movie.

As good as Matthew Goode was, he was possibly exceeded by Emma Thompson in her extended cameo as the Marchioness of Marchmain, the head of the Flyte family. A cold, inflexible and disapointed woman. Dedicated to her Catholicism and slowly ruining her family because of it. I thought that Emma Thompson was so good she might even have a shot at Best Supporting Actress at next years Oscars.

Maybe when I finally get around to reading the book/seeing the television series I might be disappointed at how shallow the whole thing was, but until that unhappy day dawns, I thought "Brideshead Revisited" was not bad at all.

**

I will not be here tomorrow. Tomorrow evening I am off to the Carling Academy to see The Streets. I will be back on Friday.

I can feel a song coming on. I love this one.

In the news...

A priest writes on his blog, 'Homosexuals should have tattooed on their backsides, "Sodomy can seriously damage your health"'.

Jerry writes on his blog, 'Bigoted priests should have tattooed on their backsides, "This is an asshole"'.

David Duchovny has left rehab after successfully completing a course to combat his sex addiction. He had these words for the waiting press: 'I cannot wait to get home. I am dying for a shag".

Not really. I made that up. But wouldn't it have been brilliant if he had said that?

I was going to get working on a couple of film reviews this evening, but instead I watched "Underdog". It was terrible. Ce sera sera.

This weeks desktop.

Britney.



Hmm... Britney.

**

One more gripe about the Van Morrison gig.

They banned the sale of alcohol. The bar at the Symphony Hall was open for soft drinks only.

I hope that I do not have to get pissed to enjoy myself at a gig, certainly Jennifer doesn't have to, but to take away the choice of having a pint or two at the venue, before entering the auditorium? Bollocks to that! Too much like being at school. Too much like being treated like a naughty child.

Miserable, Christian sonafabitch. I hope his bread was stale, his water stagnant and that his hair shirt itched like hell.

Before the gig Jennifer and myself had a meal at the Mash House. Pie and mash. Food of the Gods. We also had a bottle of red. Nice.

Van Morrison at the Symphony Hall in Birmingham.



I thought that Van Morrison was shit.

Where do I start?

There was no support act. Van was onstage at 7:55. This was 5 minutes before the start time on the ticket.

Van played for 90 minutes to the second. (I couldn't believe it. I checked my watch.) There was no encore. You might be interested to read that we paid 45 quid each for tickets to this gig. That works out at 50p for every minute that he played.

Van's performance was indifferent. Oh, man... He gave nothing to the audience. There was no interaction. There was nothing. It might as well have been a private rehearsal. OK, he may have grunted 'Thanks' once or twice, but there was no energy and no sense that he wanted to be there. Just a feeling of overwhelming boredom.

On the four songs that I definitely knew ("Moondance", "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?", "Brown Eyed Girl" and "Gloria" - great songs), Van didn't so much as sing the words, as slur them. Just like he couldn't be bothered.

Van was a real bastard to the gopher at the side of the stage who kept running on to replenish his drinks. The guy just couldn't seem to do anything right. Van also seemed really unhappy with the way that the band were playing. There were a few very sharp hand gestures and barked comments. I thought that the band were great and all of them were really good musicians.

His suit was too tight! Fat bastard! (OK, Jerry. Stop being silly. All of your suits are also too tight.)

The whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth. What a fucking waste of an evening! I could have been at home watching "Run, Fatboy, Run". I wouldn't like to repeat what Jennifer said.

After the gig, there were several people handing out leaflets advertising the upcoming "Astral Weeks" gigs at the Hollywood Bowl. My comment, to the very nice looking Chinese girl who tried to give me a leaflet, was, 'You've gotta be kidding me?'

She shrugged.

Never again. Very disappointing.

Just checking in. Actually it needs to be a very quick checking in. Jennifer and I will be leaving the house in 21 minutes. This afternoon we are going to see the Pacino/De Niro thriller "Righteous Kill", then we are eating out and then we are going to see Van Morrison at the Symphony Hall. I am not completely au fait with everything Van Morrison has recorded in recent years, but he was one of those artistes that I have always wanted to see live.

It has been a busy week. No time for anything of substance. Certainly not blogging.

I have been getting up at 5am to get to work by 7am. It was tiring and it was draining. Many years back, when I was a young computer operator, I had no problems with the very early mornings. Times change. I was glad when I stopped doing that job and I wouldn't want to go back. Now I find that early mornings are OK in short bursts, but I find that at the end of the week a recovery period is required. Last night I struggled to keep my eyes open watching "Cor Blimey!" Nothing to do with the movie, as it was very good. When I finally did get to my bed, I slept for 10 hours.

I am an old a mature man. (My Dad used to say that a man is only only as old as the woman that he gropes. Ha!)

Gotta go.

My Brother never broke his leg when he was 14. He had a career in Football.

He started with Birmingham City as an apprentice. After a couple of years he signed for Liverpool. Spells at Manchester United and Newcastle followed. Then he got his dream move to Aston Villa. At the Villains he flourished.

In 1996 he was on the bench for England all of the way through the Euro 96 campaign. He found it frustrating. Little was he to know that 1998 was going to be his year. In the France 98 World Cup campaign, my Brother was England's leading goalscorer with 6 goals. That year we got to the semi finals, where we lost to Brazil.

My Brother never played for England again.

Dreams are visions of other worlds, glimpsed through misted up windows. Somewhere else my Brother was a hero.

This weeks desktop.



Mr. Rod Serling. Producer, writer and actor.

You must have heard of his television series' "The Twilight Zone" and "Night Gallery". If you haven't, then you can just go and bugger off, because obviously we have nothing to talk about. Rod Serling wrote many screenplays, including those for two stone classic movies: "Planet Of The Apes" and "Seven Days In May".

Actor? As the Narrator/Host of both "The Twilight Zone" and "Night Gallery" he was always an immaculately attired, urbane figure, with a cigarette in hand, distinctive voice and a slightly sinister, mocking air about him. It was a performance. It was a great performance.

Rod Serling died in 1975 during open heart surgery. He was only 50 years old. I was shocked when I read that. Such a waste. All those stories never told.

Rod Serling. Still a legend.

**

It took two plumbers to sort out the problem with the radiator.

Plumber #1 was sent by Homeserve, a company with whom we have a contract for limited internal plumbing support. Plumber #1 arrived in a car with a loud horn, that collapsed in the street as soon as he pulled up. He had a big red nose and wore large shoes. On his lapel he had a flower that squirted water.

Yes. He was a clown.

He could not isolate the radiator. He could not shut off the flow of the water to the radiator. He could not do anything. He suggested certain things, which would have cost additional money and involved shutting off the water to the whole house and leaving us without any heating. I said "No", sent him on his way and complained to the nice lady on the Homeserve help desk. We will not be renewing the contract.

I found Plumber #2 in the Yellow Pages. It was a random selection. A company that looked like they had a few certifications awarded to them. Difficult to know if they mean anything.

Plumber #2 arrived. He isolated the radiator. He took the radiator off the wall and drained it. We discussed getting a new radiator installed on a different wall and he gave me a quote. We had a cup of tea and discussed the prospects for the Villa and the Blues this season. I paid him. We shook hands. He left. He was in the house for about an hour.

Plumber #2 was a star. We will definitely use him again.

I am at home. I am waiting for a plumber.

7 months after the radiator in the kitchen sprang a leak, the one in the bathroom decided to do the same. It was not too much of a leak. Luckily we caught it before the bathroom floor became too wet.

The radiators are old. We have not done anything to upgrade them. Things corrode, break down and fall apart. (The thermostat on the cooling fan on the cooker also broke down on Saturday. Not a disaster. We just switch the cooker off at the plug when we are not using it.) It is to be expected. Time marches on.

We have not done anything replace the radiator in the kitchen. No replacement is desperately needed. Once the immediate problem is fixed, Jennifer has an idea to replace the radiator in the bathroom with a tall radiator; the kind you can put several towels on simultaneously to dry. She wants the new radiator to be installed on a different wall. Behind the door, rather than beneath the airing cupboard. I have no problem with that, but it will be the short end of the wedge. Jennifer will eventually want to replace all of the radiators. I know that we are going to have to do that at some point, but I certainly do not want us to spend the money until we have to.

Pain in the arse. All of it.

**

Somewhere along the way I stopped writing about movies. Blame lack of time and lack of interest. I am still keeping a list of the movies I see at the cinema. Words about them will follow, at some point, but not today.

Work. The aftermath of the crisis. I told them the way it had been handled was wrong. I told there was going to be trouble. I knew it. I was right. It gives me no pleasure to write that.

So...

A mighty fine song by Razorlight. It pretty well sums up my feelings at the moment.

I arrived at work in the middle of a crisis. The details of the crisis are not important. Let's just say that the crisis was with regard to a number of customers being unable to access particular business critical information due to a (unspecified) server problem.

Before I even took my coat off Jennifer said to me, 'If anybody rings up you are not to say, I repeat NOT to say, that it is a known issue and that other customers are experiencing the same problem.'

Eh?

Sorry, but it's disgusting, it's immoral and it's indecent. It's everything that I hate about The Company. Managers that are so busy running ridiculous protocols and certain words cannot be used. There are no such things as problems. There are only incidents.

What is wrong with honesty? What is wrong with being straightforward. Why can't we just say to a customer, 'Yes, we know there is a problem and we are trying to fix it'?

I think it is pathetic and I do not like it. I was vocal about my unhappiness. I was told to shut up.

(Rant over. Jerry straightens the halo on his head and continues.)

I changed my desktop on Monday. This guy.



Jack Bristow from the TV series "Alias", portrayed by Victor Garber.

Bit of a bland looking guy, isn't he? He could be a chief waiter? Or a bank manager? Or maybe even the anonymous CEO of one of those financial institutions that went bust last week?

He isn't. Jack Bristow is Sydney Bristow's father. He is a spy. He is humourless. He is deadly. If you do not give him the information that he wants he will most likely hurt you and then kill you.

But, he is a good guy. (At least I think so. We haven't quite finished watching the series yet.) He sometimes has to do nasty things. In the episode of "Alias" series 5 that we watched last week, Jack Bristow cut off somebodys ear! It was OK. He had good reasons.

Jack Bristow. Father of Sydney Bristow. My hero. I love him.

Jennifer has passed the first set of her ITIL exams. She got an 82% grade. It is one of the highest grades achieved by anybody who has taken the ITIL exams at The Company.

Good. I am proud of her. Jennifer has worked hard to achieve that result. I just hope that before she rushes headlong into the next set of ITIL studying, she can obtain something of what life coaches would call a better "Life/Work" balance, because she is dismally failing at achieving that.

The Company are pushing to get all staff to take ITIL exams. I have told them to get stuffed, unless the studying and the exams can be done in work time or as paid overtime. I have said that I do not intend to utilise a single second of my unpaid own time on something that I believe will bring no benefit to myself or to The Company. The Company are unhappy at my attitude and I am not the only one.

I spoke to a guy today who discovered that the studying of ITIL and the taking of the exams had been put as task to achieve on his annual appraisal form. He refused to sign it, giving reasons for declining very similar to those I detailed above. The Company were expecting him to do a lot of work in his own time and The Company had no right to tell him what to do outside of work.

A few people have taken the exams. Quite a lot have not.

Career? What career?

Watching people is interesting.

Girl and boy at the bus shelter this morning. Boy is leaning against the fence. Boy has a serious expression. Girl is all over him like a rash. She kisses his neck. She strokes his hand. She caresses his ears. Boy is indifferent. Girl puts her hands on his chest. Boy pushes her away.

"No."

Girl puts on a sulky expression. She sits down. She lights a cigarette. (While in the bus shelter, smoking police!) Girls looks into the distance. Boy says, "What's up?"

"Nothing."

Boy walks over to her and kisses Girl on forehead. Girl smiles. She reaches out and takes his hand. Bus arrives. Cigarette gets put out and Boy and Girl get onto the bus.

THE END.

What was all that about then?

Life is very boring around here at the moment.

"Disaster Movie".



Question: Why does Hollywood persist in releasing lame movies like "Disaster Movie".
Answer: Because they make money.

"Disaster Movie" made it's 25 million dollar budget back in 3 weeks, on release in the States. I am assuming that it also went straight into the Top 10. From then on it was into pure profit. "Disaster Movie" will certainly make even more money overseas. On those terms alone "Disaster Movie" alone is a successful movie.

I paid money to see this dreck. (Well, kind of. I have a pass that, for a monthly fee, allows me to see unlimited movies at a particular cinema chain.) You may have paid money to see "Disaster Movie" as well, and so you should. No pirate DVD's here, thank you very much. We are responsible for potentially more rubbish like "Disaster Movie" being inflicted on the world. I apologize deeply and humbly. I hope you do to.

"Disaster Movie" is almost totally awful. (Almost totally awful? OK. I admit that for a microsecond a slight smile played across my lips at one of the "Juno" jokes, but that could just have easily been a small belch.) "Disaster Movie" is a terrible movie. A piece of cinematic poo. A textbook case of how not to make a comedy in the Noughties.

Magnificently unfunny. Obvious, witless, stupid, crass, vile and so very, very bad. Not bad in a good way. Bad in a bad way. There was definitely a whiff of death coming from that screening. People left the cinema dazed and in shock. I saw a man who looked like he had eaten his own tongue in horror at what he had just seen. When I got home after seeing "Disaster Movie", I rushed into the shower to wash off the smell. Jennifer noticed it. She said to me, "Have you just seen 'Disaster Movie'?"

Amazingly "Disaster Movie" is worse than "Meet The Spartans" and worse than "Superhero Movie". At least the latter had Pamela Anderson in a Fantastic Four outfit.

I would say that sometimes it is worthwhile seeing a real stinker of a movie, because that can help you appreciate the gems even more. I cannot say that seeing this movie would serve even that purpose.

If you have to see "Disaster Movie", wait for it to appear, for free, on the television. Trust me. It's not worth the effort.

I didn't make it here last night because I was busy... Er... watching TV.

But I was also finishing reading "Endymion" by Dan Simmons! Very good book, but also a very long book. I was glad to finally finish it. It seems like I have been reading "Endymion" forever. There is only one book left now for me to read in the "Hyperion Cantos" and that is "The Rise Of Endymion". I intend to start that next week. I normally read for half an hour every morning before leaving for work, but this week I am rising at 5am and leaving at 6am. No time to read.

After "The Rise Of Endymion" I am going to read something short. Then I intend to finish Philip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy. Got to be done. Jennifer and I have booked to see the stage adaptation of "His Dark Materials" at the Birmingham Rep in March next year. In my opinion it is never a good idea to see an adaptation of a novel, or a series of novels, directly after reading the source material. It is always best to leave some distance. I remember seeing the movie of "L. A. Confidential" a week after I had finished the book and thinking that the movie was absolutely dreadful. Of course it wasn't. It took another viewing of "L. A. Confidential" a year or two later to get me to change my mind.

At work, today, I was on a customer care course. Everybody in The Company is going on the same course. I last did a customer care course 20 odd years ago and found it very useful. No, really I did. That course was full of very practical tips. Obvious stuff like making sure you have a pad and a pen on your desk at all time to jot down notes, and also to identify yourself and/or your department when you answer the phone. You would be amazed at the people I know who always scramble for a pen and paper and how many of them just say 'Hello?' when they answer the phone.

The new course was much more to do with the psychological aspects of customer care. Aggressive, assertive and passive customers, and the different ways to deal with them. High loyalty, low loyalty, high satisfaction, low satisfaction customers, and the ways that they can move between the different parts of loyalty/satisfaction grid. Maybe some people thought it par for the course, but I thought it was fascinating stuff.

There was one exercise when a group of people were told to talk to each other about 'holidays'. After 30 seconds an Outsider was to try to join in with the conversation and the group had to ignore them for 5 minutes, before allowing the Outsider to join the conversation. An observer (the lecturer) would make notes on how the group coped with ignoring the Outsider, how the Outsider tried to impose themselves on the conversation and how they reacted when finally being allowed into the conversation.

Interestingly enough, I managed to ignore the Outsider completely. He wasn't even there, as far as I was concerned. The lecturer said that this was unusual. I told this to Jennifer. She said that it was not unusual at all, because any one of the Cornelius clan could have managed it. She said that when we get together we all talk over each other, interrupt each other, none of us are listening to each other and that none of us care a fig about the opinion of anybody else.

Gulp! Am I really like that?

Yes, I suppose that I am. Thank God for the Blog. Nobody to interrupt me.

The other fun thing was the presence on the course of a new girl (a beautiful, stunning, sexy girl) from the marketing department, who was wearing the thinnest and lowest cut blouse I have ever seen. The poor child looked like she was about to freeze to death. I hope that she didn't catch a chill. It would be a waste.

Boobs are very distracting for poor blokes, you know? What was I supposed to do? Not look? At least I didn't drool. Dignity at all times. Dignity.

I have more films to write about, but not now. "Lost In Austen" starts at 9pm. For a light chick comedy, I think that it is hilarious, especially the performance of Hugh Bonneville as Mr. Bennett. Wednesday night period comedies? Shit! Jennifer has obviously brainwashed me.