I am at home. I am waiting for a plumber.

7 months after the radiator in the kitchen sprang a leak, the one in the bathroom decided to do the same. It was not too much of a leak. Luckily we caught it before the bathroom floor became too wet.

The radiators are old. We have not done anything to upgrade them. Things corrode, break down and fall apart. (The thermostat on the cooling fan on the cooker also broke down on Saturday. Not a disaster. We just switch the cooker off at the plug when we are not using it.) It is to be expected. Time marches on.

We have not done anything replace the radiator in the kitchen. No replacement is desperately needed. Once the immediate problem is fixed, Jennifer has an idea to replace the radiator in the bathroom with a tall radiator; the kind you can put several towels on simultaneously to dry. She wants the new radiator to be installed on a different wall. Behind the door, rather than beneath the airing cupboard. I have no problem with that, but it will be the short end of the wedge. Jennifer will eventually want to replace all of the radiators. I know that we are going to have to do that at some point, but I certainly do not want us to spend the money until we have to.

Pain in the arse. All of it.

**

Somewhere along the way I stopped writing about movies. Blame lack of time and lack of interest. I am still keeping a list of the movies I see at the cinema. Words about them will follow, at some point, but not today.

Work. The aftermath of the crisis. I told them the way it had been handled was wrong. I told there was going to be trouble. I knew it. I was right. It gives me no pleasure to write that.

So...

A mighty fine song by Razorlight. It pretty well sums up my feelings at the moment.

I arrived at work in the middle of a crisis. The details of the crisis are not important. Let's just say that the crisis was with regard to a number of customers being unable to access particular business critical information due to a (unspecified) server problem.

Before I even took my coat off Jennifer said to me, 'If anybody rings up you are not to say, I repeat NOT to say, that it is a known issue and that other customers are experiencing the same problem.'

Eh?

Sorry, but it's disgusting, it's immoral and it's indecent. It's everything that I hate about The Company. Managers that are so busy running ridiculous protocols and certain words cannot be used. There are no such things as problems. There are only incidents.

What is wrong with honesty? What is wrong with being straightforward. Why can't we just say to a customer, 'Yes, we know there is a problem and we are trying to fix it'?

I think it is pathetic and I do not like it. I was vocal about my unhappiness. I was told to shut up.

(Rant over. Jerry straightens the halo on his head and continues.)

I changed my desktop on Monday. This guy.



Jack Bristow from the TV series "Alias", portrayed by Victor Garber.

Bit of a bland looking guy, isn't he? He could be a chief waiter? Or a bank manager? Or maybe even the anonymous CEO of one of those financial institutions that went bust last week?

He isn't. Jack Bristow is Sydney Bristow's father. He is a spy. He is humourless. He is deadly. If you do not give him the information that he wants he will most likely hurt you and then kill you.

But, he is a good guy. (At least I think so. We haven't quite finished watching the series yet.) He sometimes has to do nasty things. In the episode of "Alias" series 5 that we watched last week, Jack Bristow cut off somebodys ear! It was OK. He had good reasons.

Jack Bristow. Father of Sydney Bristow. My hero. I love him.

Jennifer has passed the first set of her ITIL exams. She got an 82% grade. It is one of the highest grades achieved by anybody who has taken the ITIL exams at The Company.

Good. I am proud of her. Jennifer has worked hard to achieve that result. I just hope that before she rushes headlong into the next set of ITIL studying, she can obtain something of what life coaches would call a better "Life/Work" balance, because she is dismally failing at achieving that.

The Company are pushing to get all staff to take ITIL exams. I have told them to get stuffed, unless the studying and the exams can be done in work time or as paid overtime. I have said that I do not intend to utilise a single second of my unpaid own time on something that I believe will bring no benefit to myself or to The Company. The Company are unhappy at my attitude and I am not the only one.

I spoke to a guy today who discovered that the studying of ITIL and the taking of the exams had been put as task to achieve on his annual appraisal form. He refused to sign it, giving reasons for declining very similar to those I detailed above. The Company were expecting him to do a lot of work in his own time and The Company had no right to tell him what to do outside of work.

A few people have taken the exams. Quite a lot have not.

Career? What career?

Watching people is interesting.

Girl and boy at the bus shelter this morning. Boy is leaning against the fence. Boy has a serious expression. Girl is all over him like a rash. She kisses his neck. She strokes his hand. She caresses his ears. Boy is indifferent. Girl puts her hands on his chest. Boy pushes her away.

"No."

Girl puts on a sulky expression. She sits down. She lights a cigarette. (While in the bus shelter, smoking police!) Girls looks into the distance. Boy says, "What's up?"

"Nothing."

Boy walks over to her and kisses Girl on forehead. Girl smiles. She reaches out and takes his hand. Bus arrives. Cigarette gets put out and Boy and Girl get onto the bus.

THE END.

What was all that about then?

Life is very boring around here at the moment.

"Disaster Movie".



Question: Why does Hollywood persist in releasing lame movies like "Disaster Movie".
Answer: Because they make money.

"Disaster Movie" made it's 25 million dollar budget back in 3 weeks, on release in the States. I am assuming that it also went straight into the Top 10. From then on it was into pure profit. "Disaster Movie" will certainly make even more money overseas. On those terms alone "Disaster Movie" alone is a successful movie.

I paid money to see this dreck. (Well, kind of. I have a pass that, for a monthly fee, allows me to see unlimited movies at a particular cinema chain.) You may have paid money to see "Disaster Movie" as well, and so you should. No pirate DVD's here, thank you very much. We are responsible for potentially more rubbish like "Disaster Movie" being inflicted on the world. I apologize deeply and humbly. I hope you do to.

"Disaster Movie" is almost totally awful. (Almost totally awful? OK. I admit that for a microsecond a slight smile played across my lips at one of the "Juno" jokes, but that could just have easily been a small belch.) "Disaster Movie" is a terrible movie. A piece of cinematic poo. A textbook case of how not to make a comedy in the Noughties.

Magnificently unfunny. Obvious, witless, stupid, crass, vile and so very, very bad. Not bad in a good way. Bad in a bad way. There was definitely a whiff of death coming from that screening. People left the cinema dazed and in shock. I saw a man who looked like he had eaten his own tongue in horror at what he had just seen. When I got home after seeing "Disaster Movie", I rushed into the shower to wash off the smell. Jennifer noticed it. She said to me, "Have you just seen 'Disaster Movie'?"

Amazingly "Disaster Movie" is worse than "Meet The Spartans" and worse than "Superhero Movie". At least the latter had Pamela Anderson in a Fantastic Four outfit.

I would say that sometimes it is worthwhile seeing a real stinker of a movie, because that can help you appreciate the gems even more. I cannot say that seeing this movie would serve even that purpose.

If you have to see "Disaster Movie", wait for it to appear, for free, on the television. Trust me. It's not worth the effort.

I didn't make it here last night because I was busy... Er... watching TV.

But I was also finishing reading "Endymion" by Dan Simmons! Very good book, but also a very long book. I was glad to finally finish it. It seems like I have been reading "Endymion" forever. There is only one book left now for me to read in the "Hyperion Cantos" and that is "The Rise Of Endymion". I intend to start that next week. I normally read for half an hour every morning before leaving for work, but this week I am rising at 5am and leaving at 6am. No time to read.

After "The Rise Of Endymion" I am going to read something short. Then I intend to finish Philip Pullman's "His Dark Materials" trilogy. Got to be done. Jennifer and I have booked to see the stage adaptation of "His Dark Materials" at the Birmingham Rep in March next year. In my opinion it is never a good idea to see an adaptation of a novel, or a series of novels, directly after reading the source material. It is always best to leave some distance. I remember seeing the movie of "L. A. Confidential" a week after I had finished the book and thinking that the movie was absolutely dreadful. Of course it wasn't. It took another viewing of "L. A. Confidential" a year or two later to get me to change my mind.

At work, today, I was on a customer care course. Everybody in The Company is going on the same course. I last did a customer care course 20 odd years ago and found it very useful. No, really I did. That course was full of very practical tips. Obvious stuff like making sure you have a pad and a pen on your desk at all time to jot down notes, and also to identify yourself and/or your department when you answer the phone. You would be amazed at the people I know who always scramble for a pen and paper and how many of them just say 'Hello?' when they answer the phone.

The new course was much more to do with the psychological aspects of customer care. Aggressive, assertive and passive customers, and the different ways to deal with them. High loyalty, low loyalty, high satisfaction, low satisfaction customers, and the ways that they can move between the different parts of loyalty/satisfaction grid. Maybe some people thought it par for the course, but I thought it was fascinating stuff.

There was one exercise when a group of people were told to talk to each other about 'holidays'. After 30 seconds an Outsider was to try to join in with the conversation and the group had to ignore them for 5 minutes, before allowing the Outsider to join the conversation. An observer (the lecturer) would make notes on how the group coped with ignoring the Outsider, how the Outsider tried to impose themselves on the conversation and how they reacted when finally being allowed into the conversation.

Interestingly enough, I managed to ignore the Outsider completely. He wasn't even there, as far as I was concerned. The lecturer said that this was unusual. I told this to Jennifer. She said that it was not unusual at all, because any one of the Cornelius clan could have managed it. She said that when we get together we all talk over each other, interrupt each other, none of us are listening to each other and that none of us care a fig about the opinion of anybody else.

Gulp! Am I really like that?

Yes, I suppose that I am. Thank God for the Blog. Nobody to interrupt me.

The other fun thing was the presence on the course of a new girl (a beautiful, stunning, sexy girl) from the marketing department, who was wearing the thinnest and lowest cut blouse I have ever seen. The poor child looked like she was about to freeze to death. I hope that she didn't catch a chill. It would be a waste.

Boobs are very distracting for poor blokes, you know? What was I supposed to do? Not look? At least I didn't drool. Dignity at all times. Dignity.

I have more films to write about, but not now. "Lost In Austen" starts at 9pm. For a light chick comedy, I think that it is hilarious, especially the performance of Hugh Bonneville as Mr. Bennett. Wednesday night period comedies? Shit! Jennifer has obviously brainwashed me.

It's Monday. Time for the desktop to change.

This picture.



The lovely Daniel Craig and the even lovelier Gemma Arterton. A still from the forthcoming James Bond movie "Quantum Of Solace".

**

I have seen a lot of movies at the cinema, recently. I have not written a word about them. About time I changed that.

First film, "Eden Lake".



"Eden Lake" is the second film I have seen at the cinema in as many weeks, about an attractive young couple, in a remote location, tormented and pursued by malevolent forces. The first film was "The Strangers".

"The Strangers" and "Eden Lake" are movies that follow a formula. Nothing wrong with that. The success of "Eden Lake" or "The Strangers", or any other generic couple-in-peril movie you might care to mention, stands or falls on the execution of it's central idea. I do admit that I liked "The Strangers" a great deal, but I think that I preferred "Eden Lake".

"Eden Lake" is a brilliant horror movie. Really horrible, extremely nasty, gory and violent, with a memorable ending that will play itself over and over in your head long after you have left the cinema. More than just a straight horror movie, "Eden Lake" touches on themes ripped straight out of nice, right wing, tabloid headlines: Urban collapse. Youth, ignored, damaged by the indifference of parents, teachers and society. How will they can threaten the middle classes? How will they threaten YOU!

"Eden Lake" boasts quality naturalistic performances. As the 'Scream Queen', Kelly Reilly is fantastic, throwing herself into the role and into all kinds of filth. But, for the most memorable villain in recent years, watch Jack O'Connell as a character called Brett. Brett is a cold eyed, arrogant, borderline psychopath. Brett is one of the scariest people I have seen in a cinema in a very long time.

My Brother lives in inner city Birmingham. He normally laughs long and loud when he watches horror movies. He did not laugh once during "Eden Lake". In fact, he was particularly thoughtful when we were leaving the cinema. Later, with regard to "Eden Lake", my Brother said to me, 'That film wasn't funny. I know assholes like that. I live in a place like that'.

When all is said and done, "Eden Lake" is only a horror film, but it is a great horror film. I cannot recommend "Eden Lake" enough.

**

That took a long time to write. Too long. Probably time for bed. Another review tomorrow.

I said that I would be back here on Sunday. Here I am.

Things were getting on top off me. The days were too short. Work was too hard. The arguments with Jennifer were becoming too sharp and bitter. There was too much that I wanted to watch at the cinema or on the TV. The commitments were becoming too great, including the maintenance of the blog. I even cried off today on going to help Sister 1 setup her new printer, claiming that I had something else to do. True enough, except that the 'something else to do' was going to see "Eden Lake" with my Brother. (It is a very good film, by the way. I will write about it sometime this week.)

Something had to be lost, temporarily, and it turned out to be the blog. Sorry about that, but I was going mad. You wouldn't like me if I was mad. I turn green.

The blog is a commitment. Sure it is. There are people I read regularly, and they know who they are, who write every single day without fail. I don't know how they do it. I could not do it. I don't think that I would want to.

Things are now better, even with Jennifer.

For this evening, then, a little blog maintenance, and then I am going to watch the new BBC production of "Tess Of The D'Urbervilles". I have not seen any adaptations of the story. I even managed to miss the famous Roman Polanski version of 1979 starring Natasha Kinski and Peter Firth. Jennifer tells me that "Tess Of The D'Urbervilles" is a horrible tale of hopelessness and despair and that she will certainly not be watching it.

Just me then. In my room.

Is it a sign of middle age that I now feel the need to watch 'quality' BBC productions on a Sunday night? Next thing I will be swapping my Ben Sherman Union Jack T-Shirt for a nice sweater or, perhaps, a cardigan?

Bollocks! Never!

It's good to be back.

I am going to have a break, probably until Sunday.

There are things to write, but at present I have no interest or enthusisam in writing them. I mean, who really gives a shit anyway?

Play nice while I am away, kids.

The new desktop. I have changed the day that the desktop gets replaced. From now on it will be a Monday.



"Steptoe and Son".

An extremely fine British sitcom of the sixties and seventies. It starred Harry H. Corbett and Wilfred Brambell. In real life those two guys really hated each other. It's true. I have seen documentaries about them.

**

I had plans this evening. Things to write about. All come to nowt.

Jennifer needed my assistance doing something on the net. I wouldn't normally mind helping her, and we did get everything done that she wanted getting done, but when it all ends in an argument, I don't know why I even fucking bothered. What am I getting out of it?

I will try the blog again tomorrow. Unless there is something good on the TV, of course.

Just checking in.

As the days have gone by I have become more and more depressed. I think that it is something to do with going back to work tomorrow. I am dreading it.

It is not depression. Not really. It is just yer Jerry being pissed off. The drag of the norm.

I have the play "Pornography", and the films "The Wackness", "The Duchess" and "Disaster Movie", to write about. I will be doing that tomorrow.

I will be better when some structure has returned.

This evening Jennifer and I christened the recycled Grolsch bottles. She drank water, I drank a Stella Artois. I have also ingested

1. Meatballs with pasta, in a red wine infused pasta sauce.
2. Two Ibuprofen, because I had a headache.
3. A big bowl of chocolate and vanilla Haagen-Daz ice cream.
4. A Red Bull.
5. Three cups of Kenya tea.

This has had the effect of leaving me feeling woozy and stoned. Who needs the expensive drugs? I don't.

On the bus today there was an old lady in a wheelchair. She was mentally ill. She blew kisses to everybody who got on and off the bus, except for me. In my case she blessed me sincerely. "I hope God walks with you, my Son", was what she said. "I hope so to", I replied.

I have seen the play "Pornography" at The Door. It featured lots of actors familiar from British television. According to the blurb in the programme, one of the actresses had been in "Casualty" for two seasons playing a character called Roxy. I had never heard of her, but then again I never watch "Casualty". As I said in an earlier post, "Pornography" was not a play about sex, but it did have a young actor who spent 20 minutes naked onstage. His cock was very small. It was a cold theatre.

I have seen "The Wackness". I liked it.

In W. H. Smiths somebody tried to talk me into spending nearly 40 quid on making a will. They didn't succeed. I already have a will. It was made in 1983 before New Labour, Jennifer, a house of my own, Nephew, Niece 1, 9/11, the return of "Doctor Who", 7/7 and Niece 2. It is about time I made a new will.

Jennifer wants to go on holiday next year. She fancies a cruise. Miami, Mexico, Grand Cayman and Jamaica. She saw it advertised in a travel centre in town. I said that I would check it out.

Jennifer came home happy from work today. Her boss is not in the office tomorrow.

I tried to watch "My Zinc Bed". I dozed off and woke up twice.

I saw enough of "Stealth" to get to the obligatory Jessica-Biel-in-a-bikini scene. Then I changed the channel. I had seen the film before.

I have watched films every morning this week, that I taped onto the V+ box. "Sherrybaby", "The Limey", "In The Bedroom" and "300". Tomorrow I might watch "The Outfit" starring Robert Duvall.

Two sharks in suits, standing outside a coffee shop in town, tried to get me interested in signing up for Sky TV. I ignored them. I always ignore them. They are always outside that coffee shop.

I stepped aside to let a very pretty girl with large breasts off the bus before me. She gave me a lovely smile.

Jennifer and I watched part of a documentary about Tattooists. I said that some Tattooists are true artists. Jennifer agreed with me. I asked Jennifer if she would ever consider having a tattoo. She said No.

Flicking channels on the TV, Steve Irwin popped up. He was bonkers and a star. I said to Jennifer how very sad it was about him. Jennifer agreed.

I have purchased sixty quid worth of pornography on my credit card. Four DVD's. It will be the last time.

I have done nothing with this week.

I feel sick.

First things first. The latest desktop. I changed it last Thursday.

Some fool at work, watching "The X-Factor", featuring new judge Cheryl Cole who is one of the singers in Girls Aloud, expressed the opinion that Girls Aloud are the best British girl band of recent years.

Bollocks.

The best British girl band of recent years are these ladies.



The Sugababes.

They are the best British girl band of recent years not only because Heidi (the blonde Goddess) waved at me when I saw them in concert last year (nobody believes me, but she did), but because they make consistently brilliant records. ("Freak Like Me", "About You Now", "Stronger", "Hole In The Head", "Overload", "Run For Cover", "Round Round". I could go on and on.) Girls Aloud have made one brilliant record ("Love Machine") and lots of just-OK and shit records.

Argument proven. Thank you.

This week's desktop was the above picture. No other candidate, really.

**

The day of my birthday was relatively quiet, but it was still a really nice day.

I rose from my bed quite early. The morning was an orgy of idleness as we watched lots of TV that we had taped onto the V+ box, and after that a chunk of season 5 of "Alias". (I love "Alias".)

Midday we were at Buffet Island with the whole of my family, with two exceptions: Niece 2, who was excused because she was 12 days old and busy, and my Aunt, who was babysitting Niece 2. My Aunt probably wouldn't have come anyway, even if Sister 3 had found a different babysitter. My Mom is feuding with my Aunt (God knows about what) and my Mom had made it clear that she would not sit at the same table as my Aunt. I had to choose. Obviously I had to choose my Mom, but I did ring my Aunt to tell her we would go out for a meal sometime.

Buffet Island was great. As much as you can eat for less than a tenner. I was restrained. Some of my family were not. (Hi Sister 2!) Great fun. We were at the restaurant for hours.

Afterwards Jennifer headed into town and I went back to my house with my Nephew. I had taped a film for him called "War" starring Jet Li and Jason Statham. (As boring a film as I can remember watching in recent times, but with quite a nifty last minute twist that neither of us saw coming.) We watched that and then I took him home.

During the evening Jennifer and I watched one of her recent DVD purchases. "27 Dresses" starring Kathering Heigl. I like romantic films. I have never stopped Jennifer watching "The Lake House" or "Just Like Heaven", the hundred times she has put them on, but I thought that "27 Dresses" was absolutely awful. Dreadful. Unfunny. Painfully predictable. Take 20 or so romantic comedy cliches, mix them in a pot, take them out one by one and ta-da! you have a movie.

Ah... Shite.

Later that evening Jennifer joined me in bed, unbidden. Yup. Surprised me as well, but it was nice and sexy and erotic. No penetration because Jennifer still doesn't want that, but there were other things going on. Above all else Sunday night was starting point and a way forward. Maybe it is crass to write about such things, but it matters to me, and I have tried to be nothing but honest on this blog.

Sex is not everything, but it is something. At least it is to me. Maybe I am an aberration. Maybe everybody else can switch off that desire. Maybe I should do a David Duchovny and seek help, even though I have never cheated on Jennifer. Never even come close. (BTW my Brother tells me that I should, but he is an ass.)

**

This is my week off. I have done little that is constructive, although I kept Monday aside for 'chores'.

On Monday I cleaned the house from top to bottom. I stood in the garden. When it started to rain, I went back into the house again. I rang my pension company to increase my contributions. I have calculated the potential financial effect of Gas/Electricity price increases and made adjustments to some standing orders. I picked up the iPod box and put it down again. Coward. The rest of the time I have spent at the cinema or at the theatre.

"Babylon A.D.".


I like Vin Diesel. Even if he is not flavour of the month anymore, if he ever was, I make no apologies for that statement. I have a story I would like to share.

In 2002, after the release of "Pitch Black" and "xXx", and even though I was possibly too old to indulge in such childishness, I wrote Vin a fan letter. I expressed my admiration for his work and politely requested an autograph on a magazine, featuring Vin on the cover, that I had enclosed with a stamped addressed envelope. A month later the magazine arrived back and it had been autographed.

I have no idea if the autograph is genuine. It may well have been signed by Vin Diesel, or maybe it was just signed by somebody in Vin Diesel's office. I will never know. Do you know what? I don't care. Somebody went to the effort to send that autograph to me for that I think that Vin is sound, is cool and I give him much respect.

I just wish that Vin appeared in better movies.

This brings us to "Babylon A.D.".

Good things. The presentation of the near future world in "Babylon A.D." is beautifully done. Compare and contrast the difference between the collapsing, grunge-like, shabby Eastern Bloc, with the hi-tech, neon lit New York. Very well put together. "Babylon A.D." also has a really intriguing cast (Charlotte Rampling, Mark Strong, Michelle Yeoh, Gérard Depardieu), some good action sequences and an interesting, if derivative, plot.

Bad things. "Babylon A.D." is a mess. There is evidence of extensive tampering with and shortening of the movie in the editing suite. (I read one rumour that 70 minutes had been cut from the movie, although the Director claims that this was more like 15 minutes.) The ending is absolutely awful and apparently not the one that the Director intended.

Director Mathieu Kassovitz has mostly disowned "Babylon A.D.", calling it a movie of 'pure violence and stupidity'. There is nothing wrong with cinematic 'pure violence and stupidity' as such, but I for one would like to have seen Mathieu Kassovitz's original vision. It could have been great.

Such a shame. I have always felt that Vin Diesel could have been the new Stallone, but bad choices have turned him into new Van Damme.

Still, "Babylon A.D." is currently the #2 film at the US Box Office, so what do I know?

**

"Cabaret" at the Birmingham Rep.

(Not many good pictures on the web to steal, so on this occasion I will not bother. Please click on the links. Lots of good pictures on the website.)

I thought this production was brilliant. Strange and very dark. Very emotional and very sexual. Male and female nudity to upset the prudes, God bless them, but always in context. A very different animal to the film version, which I also love. "Cabaret" is sometimes very funny and sometimes very serious. Faultlessly cast, but Samantha Barks and Wayne Sleep give standout performances.

I had some initial doubts about "I'd Do Anything" contestant Samantha Barks. I thought that at 17 she was too young to play Sally Bowles and I said as much when I first read about her being cast. Oh, Jerry. You are such a twat! Samantha Barks was excellent. A decent enough actress and dancer, but a terrific singer. As good as she was on "I'd Do Anything". Outstanding.

The surprise for me was Wayne Sleep as the Emcee. To me he was always that peculiar looking, slightly camp and creepy figure from TV. Always popping up on morning TV or chat shows when his latest show was about to start. Still creepy and peculiar, which is exactly what the character of the Emcee is. Slightly sneering, devious, sexually ambivalent and malevolent. (I do like that word.) Wayne Sleep was wonderful. I have been converted. I am a fan.

No spoilers here, but there is some shocking imagery of Nazism in "Cabaret". None is more shocking than the final image in the production. It clearly illustrates what the rise of Fascism meant for many boys and girls, men and women, homosexuals, libertines, gypsies and communists of Germany in the 1930's.

Jennifer said to me that "Cabaret" was the best theatre production she had seen in Birmingham for many years. It touring the UK at the moment. I urge anybody with even the slightest interest in grown up musical theatre to go to see it.

**

"The Strangers".



I rather enjoyed "The Strangers".

The whole young-couple-terrorised-by-malevolent-forces has been done to death, but "The Strangers" is a very good old fashioned horror movie. Director Bryan Bertino is a man who knows the power of out-of-context music. He knows the power of the sudden noise in the silence. He knows the power of the glimpse of something just outside of your field of vision.

By modern standards "The Strangers" is a short movie (85 minutes), but Bryan Bertino wisely takes his time and allows us to get to know young couple Liv Tyler (a really great performance from her) and Scott Speedman, their fears and their problems. When the horror begins, it is even more effective, because we care about the participants.

"The Strangers" is a great film. Right down to the 'Whoah!" ending.

And please, Hollywood. No sequels. Totally unnecessary.

**

There you are. I have caught up.

This evening I am going back to the small theatre at the Birmingham Rep (The Door) to see a play called "Pornography". The play has nothing to do with sex. "Pornography" is about the lead up to, and aftermath of, the London 7/7 bombings. It has recently been produced, to much acclaim, at the Edinburgh festival. I am really looking forward to it. Jennifer will be at home. I don't think she was interested in seeing anything called "Pornography".

I suppose I should now do some ironing. Good idea.

Hah! Films to be watched! Indeed.

Last night I watched "Vacancy" on cable, starring Kate Beckinsale and Luke Wilson. I fell asleep about 45 minutes into it. I suppose I will watch the rest of "Vacancy" sometime, but it will not a pressing priority. I think I can see where it was going.

For what it is worth, and only based on the first 45 minutes of it, I thought that Kate Beckinsale was pretty good as the archetypal inpatient, annoyed, irritated girlfriend/wife who finds herself in a situation from hell, but I found it very hard to believe Luke Wilson as her husband. Maybe Luke Wilson has just been in too many comedies? Can Luke Wilson play it serious anymore? I don't know if he can.

The whole couple-in-jeopardy-in-a-remote-location sketch has been done to death, but I saw a pretty good example of exactly that kind of film, just this morning. "The Strangers" starring Liv Tyler.

... Which I will write about at another time, because, AGAIN, I have spent so much time doing other things that it has left little time for blogging. Jennifer arrives home at 6pm and she will howl like a wolf if food is not on the table.

(Me? Pussy whipped? Nah!)

Tomorrow I am going nowhere, well not until the evening, when I am going to see a play at the Rep.

Tomorrow I will write. Birthday, theatre, movies, sexual activity (of a kind).

The kettle has blown up!

Bastard thing. Tomorrow, in the middle of my week off, while Jennifer is joshing and jiving and having the craic at work, I am am going to have to buy a new kettle. It is either that, or give up drinking tea.

It is impossible to give up drinking tea. Buy a kettle it is then.

Right, then. Where was I? Oh, yes. Birthday pressie haul.

1 iPod Classic 160GB (black), from Jennifer. I am looking at it now. Or rather I am looking at the box in which said iPod is held. Said iPod hasn't left the box yet. I am frowning at the box. I have not yet gathered the courage to open it. I daresay I might do something with the iPod before Christmas. Or maybe later this week.

A fifteen quid iTunes gift voucher, from Jennifer.

A money box, in the shape of a cat, from Jennifer.

2 recycled Grolsch bottles that have been turned into wine glasses, from Jennifer. A sarcy comment, methinks, on my drunken escapades at the Them Is Me gig, a couple of weeks ago.

An Aston Villa Football Club home shirt, from my family. They all chipped in and bought it for me.



On the back my family put my last name (Cornelius) and the year of my birth (63).

Cool. Stylish. Fashionable. Just like me.

I asked for a shirt this year. It was for a good cause, as well. This year the Villa decided not to have a shirt sponsor. Instead the slot was handed free of charge to the Acorns Children's Hospice, which is a charity that supports terminally ill children and their families. Good for them.

What else?

A ten quid W H smith voucher, from my Aunt.

A book voucher, from my Mom. The money that was leftover from buying the shirt. No idea exactly how much. I will find out when I try to spend the voucher.

That's about it. I am very happy.

Lot's to write about, but not now. There are films to be watched.

I am a day late.

Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday, dear Jerrrrryyyy
Happy Birthday to me.

Off this week, and lots of chores to do, but back later. "Babylon A.D.", "Cabaret" and pressie report.