Is it me, or has Christmas become disgusting? Or is it just the people.

I have done some shopping. Most of the shops will only be closed for two days, but I have seen people acting like it is the the end of the world. Trolleys being pushed, loaded high with food. People racing around supermarkets, lists in hand, faces sweaty and panicky. Pushing, pulling, grabbing cranberry sauce, sausage rolls, pickled onions, bread, milk, volauvent's, ice cream, stuffing, chips, crisps, vegetables, booze, booze, booze and cigarettes. It's like "Mad Max 2" in the aisles.

I have not been immune. I have caviar in my fridge. Fucking caviar! When do we eat caviar? Never, except at Christmas. Over Christmas Jennifer sometimes likes to have for breakfast, toast spread with Philadelphia with smoked salmon and caviar on top. It's nice, really is, but it is expensive.

I have spent a stupid amount of money of food and presents. None of it matters. Can you remember what you had for Christmas last year? I cannot. Really, I cannot.

Maybe it is me. I am indifferent to Christmas this year. Too much has gone down. 2008 has been too shit. I am tired. I am fed up. I am all alone. (What's that noise? The world's smallest violin playing just for me.) There was a choice. I could have gone South with Jennifer to her folks, but... No.

No.

I miss Jennifer.

I have tried to cheer myself up. I tried to get a ticket for "It's A Wonderful Life" at The Electric, this evening, but it is sold out. I will still go out this evening. I will see something at the cinema. Afterwards, I might even take my Brother up on his offer to have a drink with him and his mates. He made the offer at the Ocean Colour Scene gig on Monday night. He makes these offers all of the time, never thinking I will take him up on them, but I might this evening.

Christmas, eh? A happy one to you. I mean it, as well.