Jennifer arrived, she hung around on Monday and then she departed today. She has headed back down South, to support her cousin in her cousin's time of need, navigating the nightmare of bureaucracy that gathers when somebody dies, especially over a holiday period when all of the people you really want to talk to are not at work. I don't suppose that Jennifer's Boss is very happy at her absence at this busy time of the year, but... Hey! Fuck him! Family comes first. Always.

So, the Festive season in residence-chez-Cornelius has been officially cancelled, until at least the second week in January. Jennifer is not due back until the 9th or the 10th. I am on my own for New Year, as I was for Christmas.

I know that there are good reasons for this. I know that Jennifer had to be somewhere else, but I feel that we have been cheated. After the quick London trip, and then the original pre-bereavement visit to her cousin, Jennifer was supposed to come back home. Then we were going to have our Christmas. But it was going to be more than just Christmas. It was going to be a time to build fences, to talk and to find out what has been going wrong.

Not to be. I am mightily pissed off about it and I feel like a right, royal shit for feeling pissed off. Somebody has died and other people's feelings need to come first.

Yesterday I was at the bus stop at an outrageously early hour (I have not been sleeping very well), when I was engaged in conversation by an old lady wearing a funky purple hat. She talked, with great enthusiasm, about Jesus Christ, God, the meaning of Christmas and how the empty life of a person can be filled and enriched by that person accepting the love of the Lord.

I nodded. I was polite. I was not rude to this (apparently) nice old lady. If anything, I admired her conviction. Faith in something outside of yourself is a wonderful thing, but I do not have any faith. I do not believe in anything.

Actually, that is not true. I believe that everything happens for a reason, even if the reason is not immediately apparent. The rest of the time, the only thing that makes a difference is the will of a person to make a difference.

Too much time on my own, but Jennifer returns to Birmingham this afternoon. I am looking forward to seeing her.

This evening Jennifer and I christened the recycled Grolsch bottles. She drank water, I drank a Stella Artois. I have also ingested

1. Meatballs with pasta, in a red wine infused pasta sauce.
2. Two Ibuprofen, because I had a headache.
3. A big bowl of chocolate and vanilla Haagen-Daz ice cream.
4. A Red Bull.
5. Three cups of Kenya tea.

This has had the effect of leaving me feeling woozy and stoned. Who needs the expensive drugs? I don't.

On the bus today there was an old lady in a wheelchair. She was mentally ill. She blew kisses to everybody who got on and off the bus, except for me. In my case she blessed me sincerely. "I hope God walks with you, my Son", was what she said. "I hope so to", I replied.

I have seen the play "Pornography" at The Door. It featured lots of actors familiar from British television. According to the blurb in the programme, one of the actresses had been in "Casualty" for two seasons playing a character called Roxy. I had never heard of her, but then again I never watch "Casualty". As I said in an earlier post, "Pornography" was not a play about sex, but it did have a young actor who spent 20 minutes naked onstage. His cock was very small. It was a cold theatre.

I have seen "The Wackness". I liked it.

In W. H. Smiths somebody tried to talk me into spending nearly 40 quid on making a will. They didn't succeed. I already have a will. It was made in 1983 before New Labour, Jennifer, a house of my own, Nephew, Niece 1, 9/11, the return of "Doctor Who", 7/7 and Niece 2. It is about time I made a new will.

Jennifer wants to go on holiday next year. She fancies a cruise. Miami, Mexico, Grand Cayman and Jamaica. She saw it advertised in a travel centre in town. I said that I would check it out.

Jennifer came home happy from work today. Her boss is not in the office tomorrow.

I tried to watch "My Zinc Bed". I dozed off and woke up twice.

I saw enough of "Stealth" to get to the obligatory Jessica-Biel-in-a-bikini scene. Then I changed the channel. I had seen the film before.

I have watched films every morning this week, that I taped onto the V+ box. "Sherrybaby", "The Limey", "In The Bedroom" and "300". Tomorrow I might watch "The Outfit" starring Robert Duvall.

Two sharks in suits, standing outside a coffee shop in town, tried to get me interested in signing up for Sky TV. I ignored them. I always ignore them. They are always outside that coffee shop.

I stepped aside to let a very pretty girl with large breasts off the bus before me. She gave me a lovely smile.

Jennifer and I watched part of a documentary about Tattooists. I said that some Tattooists are true artists. Jennifer agreed with me. I asked Jennifer if she would ever consider having a tattoo. She said No.

Flicking channels on the TV, Steve Irwin popped up. He was bonkers and a star. I said to Jennifer how very sad it was about him. Jennifer agreed.

I have purchased sixty quid worth of pornography on my credit card. Four DVD's. It will be the last time.

I have done nothing with this week.

I feel sick.

Things I have learned today.

1. When Jennifer scrapes her hair back and gathers it into a ponytail, it is not a good idea to say that she looks exactly like Richard Harris in "A Man Named Horse".
2. No matter what a pain in the ass it is to get up really early on a Saturday morning to go to the local supermarket, it is nothing like the pain in the ass of facing the barbarian hordes in the same Supermarket at 13:30 on a Saturday afternoon.
3. My neighbour Keren looks very sexy in short shorts.
4. A nice bottle of San Miguel goes down really well on a hot day.
5. "The Mist" is a really good Stephen King adaptation.
6. Billy Bragg nicked the first two lines of his great song "A New England" ("I was 21 years when I wrote this song, I'm 22 now, but I won't be for long") from Paul Simon's song "Leaves That Are Green".
7. There is no truth in the urban myth that eating a curry on a really hot day cools you down.
8. Heath Ledger's screen presence, and acting ability, improved dramatically between "10 Things I Hate About You" and "A Knight's Tale".
9. "Animal House" is still funny and has barely dated a day.
10. It is not a good idea to mix San Miguel and Stella Artois.

Oooh. Pre-hangover on it's way, methinks. Time for bed.