DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
- 40-ish = 49
- Adventurous = Slept with everyone
- Athletic = No tits
- Average looking = Ugly
- Beautiful = Pathological liar
- Contagious Smile = Does a lot of pills
- Emotionally secure = On medication
- Feminist = Fat
- Free spirit = Junkie
- Friendship first = Former very "friendly" person
- Fun = Annoying
- New age = Body hair in too many places
- Open minded = Desperate
- Outgoing = Loud and embarrassing
- Passionate = Sloppy drunk
- Professional = Bitch
- Voluptuous = Very Fat
- Large frame = Hugely Fat
- Real woman = Darts player
- Wants soul mate = Stalker
WOMENS ENGLISH
- Yes = No
- No = Yes
- Maybe = No
- We need = I want
- I am sorry = You'll be sorry
- We need to talk = You're in trouble
- Sure, go ahead = You better not
- Do what you want = You will pay for this later
- I am not upset = I am upset
- You're very attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH
- I am hungry = I am hungry
- I am sleepy = I am sleepy
- I am tired = I am tired
- Nice dress = Nice tits
- I love you = Fancy some sex?
- I am bored = Fancy some sex?
- May I have this dance? = Fancy some sex?
- May I call you sometime? = Fancy some sex?
- Do you want to go to a movie? = Fancy some sex?
- Can I take you out to dinner? = Fancy some sex?
- Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I am gay
A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features. However, when a woman is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his ass.
A Dog is truly a man's best friend. Don't believe me? OK. Just try this experiment: Put your Dog and your wife or girlfriend in the trunk of the car and drive around for an hour. When you finally stop and open the trunk, who is really and truly happy to see you?
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