"Timber Falls".



If the quality of a film can be judged by the number of people attending a particular screening of that film then I can say without doubt that "Timber Falls" is the worst film of all time.

There was nobody except myself in the afternoon screening of "Timber Falls" at the Showcase Cinema in Birmingham on Monday afternoon. Nobody at all. Nada. Zero. Nil. It was an empty auditorium. It was a room bereft of life. Just me. Alone. Quite scared, actually. Jumping at shadows that were moving all by themselves. A considerably scarier experience than that of watching the film itself, if I'm being totally honest.

OK. Seriously. "Timber Falls" is not the worst film of all time, but it isn't a great film either. It is an unholy mash up of "Deliverance" and "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" featuring every cliche in the book, run by the book. The thing that saved "Timber Falls" was the mile wide streak of black humour in the second half, when the villains of the piece are revealed and the motivation for their villainry becomes apparent.

"Timber Falls" is a bad film, that much is true, but the outraegeousness of the plot made it kind of worthwhile to see.

**

A couple of words about Sharon Stone and her considered opinions on the Chinese earthquake.

Silly cow.